I cannot BELIEVE that NO ONE had any comments about Operation Humiliation!!! WTF??? You suck. Go back, read it again, and comment!!!
We're having another day off of school... had a wee bit of sleet overnight and woke up to a 2 hour delay for school. Just as we were about to get ready, we got a message that they had cancelled, due to worsening road conditions. Sweet! The REAL beauty part is that Reilly is on kid duty... including Jayden. Being that he has no phone, no laptop and is in DEEP SHIT, he's actually doing it with a smile on his face. He outta sleep well tonight after keeping up with those kids all day. :0) Luckily, the roads aren't that bad, because I have to get over to Ed's office to drop off the loan mod paperwork and my rough monthly budget. I will be beyond thrilled if he can just fill out all of that shit and have me sign it. That would be heavenly.
I'm also heading to the Apple store. I don't know what the fuck the problem is, but I can't send e-mail from either of my accounts. I'm receiving e-mail, but can't send any. NOT cool.... especially since we have several buyers interested in the jeeps and all of the pictures are on my computer. These people are LOCO for shots of the jeeps, so I've GOT to get this shit handled.
Also need some good juju, prayers, whatever for my Finn on the job front. You know the family with 10 kids that we adore? Well, the husband runs a car dealership & told me last week that he's always looking for good mechanics. Finn talked to him yesterday, and it sounds like he might have a good opportunity for him... either at his dealership, or one run by one of his colleagues. Being that it was the last day of the month, Tim only had a few minutes to chat. But, he told Finn he'd be calling in the next day or two to discuss some options. Fingers crossed!!!!
Time to get my shiz to the money guy. Have a good one.
xoxo
S
***Pick up pearls of wisdom from unlikely places.***
***Fill up your inner holes with something spiritual.***
***Tell people today how much you love them.***
Trying to survive and thrive, through the most difficult time in my life.
Welcome!
So here's the Reader's Digest version for those of you who are new to my blog.... My 39 year old husband, David, was diagnosed with a hideous and deadly cancer in April of '08. We were told he'd likely die in less than 4 months. Obviously, that diagnosis turned us inside out and shook us to the core. At the time, our boys were 12 and 4... can you say 'fucking nightmare'??? I spent the next 14 months being his 24/7 caregiver and advocate... never leaving his side unless it was to get the boys to or from therapy or their cancer support groups. Cancer and the hell that it brings became our universe. And yet, I was able to get myself to a place where I was depending on my faith.... existing on a plane of pure gratitude. I focused my energies on recognizing the blessings that cancer had brought to our lives... yes, there ARE blessings that come with such a dire diagnosis.
Things were good. David miraculously entered remission in April of '09. I was looking forward to the next few months being our 'summer of healing' as a family. And then my world stopped. He left me... left US... on 6 June 2009. And FYI... he told me he was ending our 18 year marriage in a note. As if that wasn't bad enough, he had left me for a 'friend' who also happened to be married. Nice. The next few months are a blur... I descended into a deep, dark depression, and David's vicious treatment of me didn't help. He was running as fast as he could from everything associated with cancer, and that included me... our family, our home and the entire life we had built together. Things went from bad to worse when his cancer returned with a vengeance. He began treatment once again, and I had to dig deep to help him and make things as easy on him as possible. I even offered to have him move home so I could care for him through his treatment. As it turns out, it was a good thing he didn't take me up on that. The hateful way that he treated me during that time would have made caregiving for him an unbearable situation. I KNEW he was dying... nobody else did, because he fed them all kinds of bullshit... but I knew. Because of that, I focused on the boys and made sure they were with their daddy as much as possible.
His final months were a living nightmare... a kind of pain and darkness for which there are no words. No human being, no matter who they are or how they lived their lives, should have to suffer the horrific pain and endless indignities that David did. In spite of everything, I was with him constantly, much to the chagrin of his girlfriend and his mother. 'Too fuckin bad' was my theory. I wanted my boys to see that I NEVER turned my back on their dad. And I didn't. I continued to advocate for him in the hospital... fighting to get him the meds and the specialists he needed. I was there during his final moments of consciousness. I took Reilly to say goodbye to his dad, just before he slipped into that state. I was there when he died. I ID'd his body at the funeral home. I planned his funeral and his Celebration of Life. I placed his ashes in the wall of the Columbarium at the Naval Academy. We had spent half of our lives together, and though I was no longer in love with him, I did those things out of respect for the life that we shared and the family that we created.The 6 months since he died have brought more changes. I struggle daily to untangle the financial disaster he left me, and I'm fighting like hell to keep our home. The boys are now 15 and 7 and trying to learn how to move forward in their lives without their daddy. I had to get a part-time job after spending 15 years as a full-time mother, and I'm doing everything I can to trim the fat so we can afford to stay where we are. My boys NEED the stability and comfort that come with remaining in our home and community, and staying in their schools. To that end, I will fight with every fiber of my soul to ensure that those things happen.My greatest blessing is that I now have an incredible man in my life... a man who is thoughtful and loving, strong and sensitive, hilariously funny, and who loves me just the way I am. He is authentic. He knows who he is and is completely comfortable in his own skin. It certainly doesn't hurt that he's 11 years younger than I am and sexy as hell. :0)Yes, my boys are struggling in many ways... the therapy and support groups continue... and I still have MUCHO 'death business' to handle. That said, I am starting to believe that there might be a happy future ahead... for all of us.The past almost 3 years have been quite an emotional roller coaster, to say the least. Writing has been the most important part of my day, every day, since this journey began. I am once again being put in a position where I have to learn to survive... spiritually, emotionally, physically, financially... you get the picture. My hope is that I can hold on to my faith, find a moment of joy in every day, be the best mother I can possibly be, and hopefully... one day... emerge back into the light.December 2010
I never remember anything anymore, so your Facebook post about this site reminded me to check it out. I never forget to check Facebook on a daily basis :-) Crossing my fingers for the job opportunity. Way to kick butt with the yard ape. It's crazy to think that I'll have to be dealing with this kind of stuff in 15 years! I know it will be here before I know it.
ReplyDeleteStay tough Shanny.
ReplyDeleteHopefully Reilly will do a great job today and earn some privelages back :)
ReplyDeleteThat would be awesome if Finn could get on at a dealership. They are always busy and the mechanics are paid pretty well! I will definitely keep my fingers crossed.
aot
r~
Sending financial good vibes for the loan mod. Sending mega positive juju for Finn's job prospects. (Please do the same for your Uncle Monster ~ He has no prospects at this time).
ReplyDeleteIf you don't have a "tramp stamp", get a fake one. In the spring, wear a tube top and low slung jeans. Nice look; especially with a "whale tail" showing! Reilly would be horrified! Also, black out a tooth or two, and don't shave the pits.
Time to rent "Harper Valley PTA". Loved that movie! I wonder if there is a re-make planned.
I love you!
Auntie Nut