Hellooooooooo

Where be all my peeps??? I MISSES ya! Feeling a wee bit blue... my mamasan's retirement par-tay is tomorrow. I'd give anything to be there. :( She's probably relieved though... she doesn't want MY hideous mug funkin' up the place!

Off to soccer game #2... 5 hours apart!!! What fucknut scheduled this shit?!?!

:0)
S

Exhausted

Yes... the word of the day is exhausted. I'd really love a nap.... a dirt nap, preferably. Fuckin' hell.... I finally get one of the kids at least sort of squared away... Reilly is totally rising to the challenge of having a job. He's been extra helpful around the house and has been pretty pleasant in general. It's a wonderful change after months and months of such hideous surliness, that I didn't even want to see his face. So of course, now it's Rory's turn. He had an EPIC meltdown last night. Seriously, I don't think he's had one that severe since right after David died. We're talking 90 solid minutes of screaming, kicking, throwing and breaking things, hitting me, saying hateful things... you name it. He was hysterical. What triggered that happy episode? He couldn't find his soccer socks. Great. He doesn't know the date that David died... I'm not sure he even realizes it was June. But I honestly believe that he feels the anniversary looming. I learned through support groups that this kind of thing is innate... the body just knows it. I'm having all kinds of nightmares and extra anxiety attacks, so why shouldn't he? It's just so completely exhausting... and heartbreaking at the same time. Luckily, the storm finally passed and he was smiling and happy by bedtime... so then it was my turn to fall apart. I must have laid there and cried to Finn for over an hour. 


You know what I fucking HATE???? When people say 'everything happens for a reason'. BULLSHIT. There was a time when I, myself was one of the morons who spouted that shit. But really, can you tell me the reason that my boys have to gow up without their daddy? What's the reason that they have to suffer so horribly? What's the reason that they will be forced to bear this pain for their entire lives??? There ISN'T one. 


I'm feeling like a raw, bloody, exposed nerve, and I'm guessing the lil kid is too. I'm just so tired. Tired of the continuous emotional upheaval of the boys. Tired of the nightmares. Tired of worrying about money. Tired of feeling overwhelmed. Tired of dodging creditors. Tired of getting letters from attorneys. I'm tired of it all. Because of that, I am giving myself a gift today.... I'm taking a few hours off. The club pool opens at 10:30 and I plan to lay there like a giant pile for a few hours. I didn't tell anyone at home... keeping this one all to myself. I literally never get to sit still and just be... there is always something that needs tending to. Well, for a couple hours today, the only thing I'll be tending to is moi. Selfish? Yep. Necessary? Definitely. 


Have a good one. 
S


***Extra special love & hugs to my Auntie Nut. Hope you are recovering well & will be feeling like your old self IMMEDIATELY!!!!! Love you... xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

SO EXCITING!!!!!

Hey shmoos... just had to tell you some FAB news! It turns out that Comfort Zone Camp DID win one of the 100 Cars For Good yesterday!!!! Wahoooooo!!!! Thanks SO MUCH to all of you that voted!!! CZC will be getting a brand new Highlander that they will use to transport kids to and from camp. SPECTACULAR!!! 

:0)

xoxoxo

S

Mornin'

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Still boiling my hooters off...

Hey peeps... first things first... a couple of important things to address. One of my dearest childhood friends, Wendi Ripley Todt, and her family are in desperate need of your prayers and positive juju. Her oldest son Kevin, 12, fell 15 feet to the ground yesterday and landed on his head. They live in Rohnert Park, CA. He was immediately airlifted to Children's Hospital in Oakland. He was bleeding from his ears, asking repetitive questions and had no memory of the fall. The latest update I got was last night... he has a skull fracture on one side and a brain bleed on the other. They have no plans for surgery as of yet, but planned to keep him in the ICU for at least 24 hours to monitor him closely. They are a family of deep faith and I know they would appreciate your prayers. They have 2 younger children, Angela & Hunter... Wendi is a full-time mom & Josh is a Sheriff's Deputy. Wendi & I met in second grade and have been friends ever since. Our families became incredibly close... we went all through school together, were in each other's weddings, etc. Please send them all the love you've got. 


The other big one is my Auntie Nut... having surgery today???? EEEEEWWWW!!!! I'm so sorry! I don't know about hernia surgery... can they do it laporoscopically? I hope so!!! I'll be thinking about you and praying for you today... and hope that you will be up and around and feeling like yourself immediately. I love you & miss you... more than you know!!! 


Another important thing I need help with today.... Comfort Zone Camp is a finalist in Toyota's 100 Cars For Good Program. Today is the ONLY DAY TO VOTE!!!! Please go to www.facebook.com/toyota to cast your vote. If they win a car, they will use it to help provide transportation to and from camps for those who have no way to get there. I think I've made it clear just how much I love CZC... anything I can do to help them... I will! Please vote, and then pass along the info. 


And now I will digress... I know you're just waiting for me to start my daily bitchfest. What a Suzie Sunshine I have become! Since Auntie Nut mentioned my 'nads'... I take that as a compliment, by the way... let me share another snippet from my lovely exchange with that dirty pirate hooker from Sunday. At one point, she said she was no longer talking to me... was leaving... and would be back when Roy got home. Uh.... no. The kids already knew she was there!!! Hellooooooo.... you're NOT leaving!!! She actually started her car and began to back out. I marched up to her car, opened the fuckin door and told her to get out and come get her children. She kept telling me to go in the house and get them, and I said "No. I don't trust you. Either you come in the house with me, or you turn off the car and give me the keys." She must be getting the memo that I am NOT to be fucked with.... she turned it off & handed me the keys. What an asshole. I was NOT going to allow her to abandon those kids, yet again. The other thing that I thought was hilarious, was when she said she'd  brought money to give to Roy. I told her I'd be sure to get it to him, and she said "No! I'm not giving YOU anything! How do I know you'll actually give it to Roy?!" Seriously???? My reply was "you trust me to raise your children, but you don't trust me to pass along a few bucks?" She said nothing. What a moron. 


The weather continues to be absolutely unbearable. SO hot and humid that they actually cancelled ALL outdoor sporting events yesterday... no practices, no games, nothin'. Too hot. Yuck. I'm still wrestling with the pool... it's turning green again. I roasted my ass off last night cleaning the filter. Hoping that I can get it back to blue asap. 


Time to skedaddle. Please remember Kevin Todt and family in your prayers, and send good juju to my Auntie Nut too. 


Love you cheeseheads.
S


***Okay, 2 more things. 


     1. My fucking pool is back to being GREEN!!!! AAAGGGHHHHH!!!! I am so over dealing with this stupid thing. It's always been such a no-maintenance pool, and all of this extra work I'm doing on it is KILLING ME!!! I cleaned the filter last night, put in some chemicals & let it run a few hours. I stayed up extra late specifically to turn the filter off. Pretty sure I can't afford to run the thing overnight. I was out there again at 6 a.m. turning the filter back on... and I get home to GREEN WATER?!?!?!  I am seriously ready to off myself. 


  2. I will NOT off myself... at least not until after tomorrow. I have an appointment to use the Mother's Day gift that Finn got for me... a massage AND a facial, beginning at 11 a.m. Thursday. Now way in HELL am I missing that!!!!




***PLEASE GO VOTE FOR COMFORT ZONE CAMP!!!!!!!***

Ugh.

Well THAT was a giant shit heap of a weekend. My house is falling down around me. Sunday evening, just before dinner, Finn noticed a lovely waterfall coming from the upstairs hallway, just outside our room. Of course, the waterfall left behind some lovely stains on the ceiling, as well as falling drywall. Awesome. It was the A/C unit in the attic that was leaking. Once again, Finn came to the rescue. He crawled up in that attic to survey the scene. It turns out that the pan they placed under the unit... in case of a leak... was cracked all the way through. He spent a couple hours scooping out the gallons of standing water with a cup, filling a bucket, and then passing the bucket down the ladder to Reilly & Austen... over and over again. He also repaired the crack and put a fan up there to dry everything out. I'm obviously going to have to get a new pan, but I'll have to hire someone to do that. At least the waterfall has been turned off... for now. 


Yesterday the garage fridge went tits up. Not a big surprise. It's the first fridge David and I bought, about 19 years ago. As a special treat though, it happened during the night, so all the food has got to go. Perfect. Add to that, I discovered a crack in the windshield of my car. And, the pool still isn't clear. I've got to get out there and vacuum it, but the weather is SO unbearable, I don't know when I'll be able to do that. Finn and the kids decided they didn't give a shit that the pool wasn't perfect, and got in for a few hours yesterday. They had a wonderful time. I hope I can get that fuckin' thing up to snuff soon, 'cause I'd really like to get in too. 

 My pumpkin... SO happy to be back in the pool. 

 Notice they're ALL in the water... even Chloe. :0)

My angel. 

Sorry to be such a fuckin' downer, but I'm hittin' the skids again. These things that keep popping up just throw me for a loop. It's hard enough for me to stay positive on a daily basis. This kind of shit pushes me right over the edge. 

Hoping for a better day... with this weather though, it's not looking good. CRAZY heat and humidity... this is late August weather. Eew. 

Later...

S

Yep.... I'm a fuckin' rockstar...

Just in case you were wondering, yes, I AM a rockstar... I've still GOT IT, baby!!! Friday night, Finn's at work... we do our regular pizza & movie night and the kiddos were happy as clams. And then it was bed time... ruh roh. Jayden happily followed me up the stairs, let me clean him up & put on his jammies. I gave him a snuggle and put him in bed. NOT A FUCKIN' PEEP OUTTA THE KID!!!!! Yep.... serious gloating ensued. I was feeling pretty damn proud of myself. :0) My poor Finn got off work a little early... ended up getting home at 11 p.m. instead of getting off then. 4:30 a.m. to 11p.m.???? That is one MO FO of a day. Then yesterday, he was up at the crack of dawn's ass working outside. I ran up and borrowed a zero-turn from John, so both he and Reilly mowed at the same time and knocked it out pretty quickly. We still have tons of weeding and edging to do, but it looks a zillion times better. He was also back at dealing with the pool filter. The guy is a fuckin' workhorse!

The water still isn't crystal clear, but it's getting better every minute!

As if he hadn't already done MORE than enough for the day, he then decided to tackle the playset. It used to be absolutely beautiful... cost us 5000 bucks. But then a tornado tore through our yard about 5 years ago and ripped the thing apart. Big shocker, David promised Rory for AGES that he'd fix it... but he never did. 

Can you believe this guy?????

Clearly, it's going to take a ton of work to return it to it's former glory, but if anyone can do it, my Finn can. He's hoping to get far enough along with it today to get the slide back on. I have no clue how he'll find the energy to do that though.... he was out there until 9:00 last night and then had to leave for work again this morning at 4:30. Fuckin' hell!!!

I had a lovely little exchange this morning... with the stupid whore known as the kids' mom. Miraculously, her 'schedule changed' so she planned to come get the kids this morning and keep them until tomorrow night. That was the plan, but you know nothing ever goes according to plan with her. I met her outside so that we could have a wee chat. I told her that we needed to have a discussion about finances. I was very pleasant, but of course, she was not pleased & told me that it wasn't my business and she'd speak to Roy about it. I made sure she knew that it most certainly is my business, as " I am co-parenting her children and they have been living in my home for 7 months"... 7 months in which she has given Roy ZERO financial support. She didn't say much... she knows she's completely in the wrong. I asked her if she realized how lucky she is... how lucky the kids are, to have him for a dad. Then I got the ol' "I'm not talking to you about this... I'll be back when Roy is home." Uh, no.  Then she starts giving me the sob story about how hard she works, but she doesn't have any money... blah blah blah. I said, "well, you must be doing at least okay, because I see that your nails are beautifully done". Hmmm... she no likey. Whatever... long story short, it was not pretty. To top it off, she said she was taking the kids to lunch and then would be bringing them back. Oh. My. God. Do you know what she said to Roy last night??? "I can't keep them overnight.... what am I supposed to do with them?" They're your children!!! Be their fucking mother for 5 minutes!!!!! Aaaaggghhhhh!!!! She makes me insane. So I guess they'll be back in a little bit... who the fuck knows. 

I'm running to the pool store to get even more chemicals, then a couple other quick errands and back home to deal with the yard. Eew. Reilly is working until 8 tonight and Finn & I had planned to go to a movie, but it looks like that idea's shot to shit. Awesome. At least the yard is shaping up. 

Better than it's looked in a long time. :0)

I hope you're enjoying the weekend. 

xoxo

S