Hey peeps... I've had an iPhone for a long time... 3 or 4 years now. LOVE it, by the way. Anyhoo, I've dropped the thing a billion times over the years... on sidewalks, in parking lots... everywhere. I've always had a gel case on it, and miraculously, it's always survived the falls. That is, until this afternoon. The damn thing slipped out of my hand in the mud room, and landed with a thud on the ceramic tile. Glass... screen... shattered. :( And you know what's crazy? I 've only had this specific phone for a week! Remember... I swapped it out last week because it was making a weird noise? I hope to hell my Apple Care Protection Plan includes getting TWO new phones within a week... aaaggghhh!!! The big bummer is that now we'll have to start out Finn's day o' birthday fun with an appointment at the Apple store... grrrr. Oh well!
Thanks for the luvvvvve Miss To and my awesome aunties. :0) You wouldn't even believe how the shit storm about group has continued, so I won't bore you with the details. It's sad, really... but it's out of my hands.
I DO have some VERY good news to report... Reilly worked his ass off at school this week, and has significantly pulled up every one of his grades already. I ADORE his head coach... he told Rei last Saturday that he wants to see a note from each of his teachers every Friday, with his current grade & comments about his attitude, behavior, etc. There sure are benefits that come with having a science teacher as your head coach. He gets it... school comes first! Reilly was also extremely happy to tell me that at today's practice, he was chosen as a starter. That's a VERY big deal, and I think he's starting to see that hard work all the way around is definitely the way to go.
My Finn is almost home from his trek to deliver Leilei to her great grandma's for the weekend. We're only going to have about 24 hours to ourselves, but I'll TAKE it!!! I'm SO looking forward to surprising him with the fun day I have planned for tomorrow. :0)
Time to scramble... hope you have a happy weekend.
xoxo
S
Trying to survive and thrive, through the most difficult time in my life.
11 March 2011
It's my sweetie's birthday!
Good morning noodles. Today is a fab day... my Finn's birthday! I had to wait until he fell asleep last night to put up some decorations. I wanted him to have some birthday smiles when he got up at 4:30 a.m. Eeeew.... I wasn't even sure that would be possible! I am happy to report though... success! He was definitely surprised and loved it! This is what he found on his bathroom mirror:
This is what it says... "Happy Birthday to my RED HOT SWEET TART! You are my LIFESAVER and we are MENT to be together! Your KISSES send me into ORBIT! We always have so much FUN. You KRAK me up and make me LAFF. Your JUICY lovin' is GOOD N PLENTY and you ROCK my world! You may be a NERD, but you're my SUGAR and I love being your CHIK! You are a STAR in my life TOOTSIE, and you are my very own HOT TAMALE! I will love you always... NOW & LATER!
I may have fucked up in college, but at least I learned to make a DANG CUTE candy story board! This is at the top of the mirror...
And he even found these when he opened the door to the loo...
I had fun doing it for him and I'm so happy that he started his day with a smile... probably because he realizes what a goober I am, but whatever... it worked!
There has been some more interesting fallout re: my support group. I got a private note from a friend yesterday. I know she meant well, but it actually came across as pretty condescending. It was a long letter, but here's one snippet that really stood out, "I think the group has a lot to offer you. I think you have a lot to offer as well. I think you can do it without swearing for one hour a month." Wow. Really??? Gimme a fuckin break. I actually manage to get through my daily life acting and speaking like a regular person... I'm not an idiot. You think I walk around at the kids' schools dropping the f bomb or going to restaurants telling the servers to get me a fuckin coke??? Hmmmm... I just had a thought... maybe my foul language is the reason I'm still looking for work. Do you think I should go back and take all of the profanity out of my resume??? Puhhhleeeez. The other part of it that seriously pissed me off, was the pronouncement that this friend and others had previously discussed my colorful language. Interesting. I've been told since day 1 that our group was a safe zone, and that all discussion was private, completely confidential and stayed within that room. Evidently that's not the case, since there were clearly group members talking about me behind my back. NOT cool.
I came across a very interesting article posted by The Mayo Clinic yesterday. Get a load of this:
Benefits of Support Groups
"...people who have participated in support and bereavement groups say the experience gave them an emotional connection when they felt isolated from friends and family. A group can provide and share information ranging from disease research and new medications to how a bereaved person can cope after a loved one's death. People involved say this exchange of information is one of the most valuable elements of participating in a support or bereavement group.
Moreover, support and bereavement groups offer people the opportunity to release powerful emotions they may otherwise keep to themselves. Health care providers say support groups can improve a participant's mood and decrease psychological distress."
Hmmm.... at least that's what support groups are supposed to do.... NOT leave you feeling cast aside and gossiped about.
Whatever. It's over. I'm done with it. The boys will continue to participate in their groups, and I'm happy to tell you that they both had wonderful meetings last night. :0)
Special thanks to all of you who offered your support and understanding... Toni, Robin, Spunk, Auntie Nut & Kristin. Your words mean the world to me. :0)
Better skiddoo... the job hunt continues. Oh, and let's not forget... I may have applied for a gazillion jobs, but I've only had ONE interview and I GOT THE FUCKIN' JOB. Amazing that I was able to control myself long enough to fool them into thinking I can conduct myself like an upstanding citizen who behaves in public. I know... I'm heeelarious. :0)
xoxo
S
***If you're told a secret, keep it.***
***Believe in the sacredness of a promise.***
***Be free to change and express yourself.***
***Rise to the occasion and fight bravely for what is right.***
10 March 2011
Told ya...
I got a note from a friend today that I really want to share. She tried to post it, but it didn't work. She sent it to me via Facebook and she has some very painful truths to speak. She had just come across that article I posted from HelloGrief.org, and this is what she had to say:
Hi Shannon. I just rediscovered your blog and read a few entries. I'm so sorry that you are all still suffering, though I'm not surprised. This article is spot on. We are about to go through the 19th anniversary of Paul's mom's death (murder) and it is still extremely painful. Some people don't understand that it is not something that gets easier with time. You will have your good days and happy times but it never goes away. There is no expiration date. Even as new lives begin, there is still a huge hole in everyone's lives. When I had Isabel and then Dylan, I was happy to be giving Paul a new person to love but it was also one more person who would miss out on Martha's love. You and especially the boys will always have that void. You will always feel it. They will always feel it and their kids will go through it too. The good news is, there is life after death and there are lots of good days ahead, trust me on this!! As time goes by you will all have more good days and it is those happy times that get you through the rough spots. I still can see how very raw it is for Paul though, I'm not going to lie. Some moments he can really go there and feel it like it was yesterday. I'm sure it will be the same for you and your boys. I'm so sorry and I wish there WAS an expiration date for grief. Your family is always in my prayers. Love, Mary
It's not like I was happy to know that Paul continues to wrestle with the loss of his mom so many years later, but it does validate what I've been saying. Some of this shit will never go away. Yes, I am blessed in many ways... I have my boys, my incredible Finn, and his 2 kiddos that round out our new family. There has been much laughter, and much joy and I pray that there is still more to come. Unfortunately, none of that can take away the waves of shock, sadness, anger, fear and grief that continue to wash over us. Just sayin...
S
Hi Shannon. I just rediscovered your blog and read a few entries. I'm so sorry that you are all still suffering, though I'm not surprised. This article is spot on. We are about to go through the 19th anniversary of Paul's mom's death (murder) and it is still extremely painful. Some people don't understand that it is not something that gets easier with time. You will have your good days and happy times but it never goes away. There is no expiration date. Even as new lives begin, there is still a huge hole in everyone's lives. When I had Isabel and then Dylan, I was happy to be giving Paul a new person to love but it was also one more person who would miss out on Martha's love. You and especially the boys will always have that void. You will always feel it. They will always feel it and their kids will go through it too. The good news is, there is life after death and there are lots of good days ahead, trust me on this!! As time goes by you will all have more good days and it is those happy times that get you through the rough spots. I still can see how very raw it is for Paul though, I'm not going to lie. Some moments he can really go there and feel it like it was yesterday. I'm sure it will be the same for you and your boys. I'm so sorry and I wish there WAS an expiration date for grief. Your family is always in my prayers. Love, Mary
It's not like I was happy to know that Paul continues to wrestle with the loss of his mom so many years later, but it does validate what I've been saying. Some of this shit will never go away. Yes, I am blessed in many ways... I have my boys, my incredible Finn, and his 2 kiddos that round out our new family. There has been much laughter, and much joy and I pray that there is still more to come. Unfortunately, none of that can take away the waves of shock, sadness, anger, fear and grief that continue to wash over us. Just sayin...
S
Rainy Thursday...
Uh, yeah... still pissed. Actually, I wasn't pissed last night, so much as I was hurt. I just got off the phone with my mama. She's very worried about me and really wants me to go to group tonight... she said I just "need to lose the F word... most people find it really offensive". Sorry mamasan... no can do. Well, I could... but I won't. What I find so disturbing is that anyone in this kind of support group would find a word... any word... offensive. Really??? Every single one of us watched our husbands suffer hideously and die of this disgusting disease. CANCER is what I find offensive. It reminds me of a scene in the movie "The People vs. Larry Flynt". Anybody ever see it? He's the guy who founded Hustler magazine. He's a fairly disgusting and pervy guy, and I certainly didn't go in to that movie expecting to think of him as a sympathetic character. But guess what... the guy made a great fuckin' point. He took his battle with The First Amendment all the way to The Supreme Court... and won. The scene that really stuck with me was one where he was trying to rally support for his cause. Many people were trying to ban the publication of his magazine, calling it 'obscene'. This was the early 70's, so Vietnam was front and center in everybody's brains. He had a screen behind him flashing images of war, and asked everyone to define the word obscene. As the horrendous, real, raw and bloody images came on the screen, he said... ,"what do you consider obscene? Is THIS obscene to you?" Trust me, I have no interest in Hustler Magazine, but his point was well-taken.
I'm not crazy, people. I see a real correlation here. These morons are going to tell me that my language is offensive or obscene??? I don't think so. I'll give you some real examples of offensive and obscene... David being physically restrained by a burly male nurse 24/7 as he fought his way through liver failure-induced psychosis; needing to have 4 to 6 LITRES of bile drained from his abdomen every couple of days, because the TWO drains he had surgically implanted just couldn't keep up; his nail beds going from pink, to yellow, to purple as his body finally shut down; the indignities he suffered as they continually changed his bedsheets and chucks pads because he couldn't control his bladder; taking my son to say goodbye to his dad... knowing it was the last time he would see him alive; David finally realizing he was actually going to die, only about 30 hours before he did; his slipping into unconsciousness, while the bile seeped from his mouth and his nose constantly during his final 24 hours... shall I continue??? Watching this 41 year old man, my husband and the father of my children, literally wither up, fade away and die before my eyes, was absolutely the most obscene and offensive thing I have ever witnessed in my life. I wouldn't do it any differently though. The simple fact that my boys know that I NEVER abandoned their dad gives me great comfort. And as hideous as it is... bearing witness to another person's journey to death is the last great gift you can impart to them.
As far as I'm concerned, no more support group for me. Yes, I'm incredibly disappointed, but these are the ABC's of me, baby. I am who I am. This journey has made me who I am. I won't apologize for it, and I sure as FUCK won't change who I am for someone else. Believe it or not... I LIKE ME.
S
I'm not crazy, people. I see a real correlation here. These morons are going to tell me that my language is offensive or obscene??? I don't think so. I'll give you some real examples of offensive and obscene... David being physically restrained by a burly male nurse 24/7 as he fought his way through liver failure-induced psychosis; needing to have 4 to 6 LITRES of bile drained from his abdomen every couple of days, because the TWO drains he had surgically implanted just couldn't keep up; his nail beds going from pink, to yellow, to purple as his body finally shut down; the indignities he suffered as they continually changed his bedsheets and chucks pads because he couldn't control his bladder; taking my son to say goodbye to his dad... knowing it was the last time he would see him alive; David finally realizing he was actually going to die, only about 30 hours before he did; his slipping into unconsciousness, while the bile seeped from his mouth and his nose constantly during his final 24 hours... shall I continue??? Watching this 41 year old man, my husband and the father of my children, literally wither up, fade away and die before my eyes, was absolutely the most obscene and offensive thing I have ever witnessed in my life. I wouldn't do it any differently though. The simple fact that my boys know that I NEVER abandoned their dad gives me great comfort. And as hideous as it is... bearing witness to another person's journey to death is the last great gift you can impart to them.
As far as I'm concerned, no more support group for me. Yes, I'm incredibly disappointed, but these are the ABC's of me, baby. I am who I am. This journey has made me who I am. I won't apologize for it, and I sure as FUCK won't change who I am for someone else. Believe it or not... I LIKE ME.
S
09 March 2011
And then there were tears...
What a shit day. I think I'm fairly depressed. All of this upheaval with Reilly has pretty much sent me reeling. Yes, he has shown significant improvement at home and at school, but it's only been a few days and I still have his phone. I swear... he is a different kid without that fuckin' thing.
The day was going along as usual... no big surprises. Chris came to hang with Rory & then pick up Rei from practice & take them to dinner. The little kids' mom picked them up at 3... for a whopping 3 hour visit. That had been the plan for a couple days, so I took the opportunity to make myself a hair appointment. I don't know what happened, but the longer I was in the car driving to the salon, the darker my mood became. Full-on funk. Even with all that's happened lately, I haven't actually cried in a while. Weird. Then I'm reclined at the shampoo bowl for a half hour while my color sets, and I start seeing horrendous pictures in my mind. David in his death bead... dead. Everyone weeping over him. His body laid out at the funeral home for me to identify. These aren't images that I routinely flip through. I don't know what the fuck happened. They just kept re-playing... like short clips from movies... and I couldn't make them stop. I started to feel like a war veteran with post-traumatic stress disorder. That wouldn't be out of the realm of possibilty, but why now? Why today? All of these months later... I just don't get it. Still, there were no tears.
Once I got back to the stylist's chair I checked my phone. I had a few e-mails, one from my dear friend and social worker. I'll tell you what... I did NOT see it coming... she said that there were people in our new parenting support group who are uncomfortable with the way that I express myself, and asked me to refrain from being quite so "colorful" when I speak. She was very sweet & said that I can always express myself however I'd like when I'm with her, but not during group. I wasn't even halfway through the e-mail when I started sobbing. SOBBING. Lovely. I wrote her a quick note back telling her that I'll just skip it, because "if I can't be myself, what's the point?" I feel completely abandoned... left by the side of the road to rot. Do you know the main reason that I have so loved these support groups? Because it was always a place where I COULD express myself...without explanation... free of judgment... and everyone got it. I was especially looking forward to tomorrow's group after the teenaged shit storm of the past week. Oh well. I plan to deliver Rory to his group and then go sit in my car. Good thing I've had a lot of practice doing that. I wonder how many hours... days... I spent sitting alone in my car in the parking lot of that hospital... hmmmm.
Got home, put Rory to bed & then had to go over course selection stuff with Reilly. More tears. That was always David's deaprtment, and I feel woefully inadequate making those decisions.
I finally laid eyes on my Finn at about 9... laid down to snuggle him and promptly became a heaving, sobbing snot bag. As always, he was incredibly sweet, loving and supportive. Fuck! I just want to move on, but so much of this shit is never going to go away.
I clearly needed the cry, and I'm thinking I may have even lost a pound. We're talkin' copious amounts of snot. Oh sorry... I hope I didn't make you uncomfortable by expressing myself. So much for a support group... going it alone... again.
S
The day was going along as usual... no big surprises. Chris came to hang with Rory & then pick up Rei from practice & take them to dinner. The little kids' mom picked them up at 3... for a whopping 3 hour visit. That had been the plan for a couple days, so I took the opportunity to make myself a hair appointment. I don't know what happened, but the longer I was in the car driving to the salon, the darker my mood became. Full-on funk. Even with all that's happened lately, I haven't actually cried in a while. Weird. Then I'm reclined at the shampoo bowl for a half hour while my color sets, and I start seeing horrendous pictures in my mind. David in his death bead... dead. Everyone weeping over him. His body laid out at the funeral home for me to identify. These aren't images that I routinely flip through. I don't know what the fuck happened. They just kept re-playing... like short clips from movies... and I couldn't make them stop. I started to feel like a war veteran with post-traumatic stress disorder. That wouldn't be out of the realm of possibilty, but why now? Why today? All of these months later... I just don't get it. Still, there were no tears.
Once I got back to the stylist's chair I checked my phone. I had a few e-mails, one from my dear friend and social worker. I'll tell you what... I did NOT see it coming... she said that there were people in our new parenting support group who are uncomfortable with the way that I express myself, and asked me to refrain from being quite so "colorful" when I speak. She was very sweet & said that I can always express myself however I'd like when I'm with her, but not during group. I wasn't even halfway through the e-mail when I started sobbing. SOBBING. Lovely. I wrote her a quick note back telling her that I'll just skip it, because "if I can't be myself, what's the point?" I feel completely abandoned... left by the side of the road to rot. Do you know the main reason that I have so loved these support groups? Because it was always a place where I COULD express myself...without explanation... free of judgment... and everyone got it. I was especially looking forward to tomorrow's group after the teenaged shit storm of the past week. Oh well. I plan to deliver Rory to his group and then go sit in my car. Good thing I've had a lot of practice doing that. I wonder how many hours... days... I spent sitting alone in my car in the parking lot of that hospital... hmmmm.
Got home, put Rory to bed & then had to go over course selection stuff with Reilly. More tears. That was always David's deaprtment, and I feel woefully inadequate making those decisions.
I finally laid eyes on my Finn at about 9... laid down to snuggle him and promptly became a heaving, sobbing snot bag. As always, he was incredibly sweet, loving and supportive. Fuck! I just want to move on, but so much of this shit is never going to go away.
I clearly needed the cry, and I'm thinking I may have even lost a pound. We're talkin' copious amounts of snot. Oh sorry... I hope I didn't make you uncomfortable by expressing myself. So much for a support group... going it alone... again.
S
08 March 2011
Fuckin' exhausted... as usual.
Yo peeps... all 2 or 3 of you who actually still read this shit... today was like most of my weekdays of late. I spend the vast majority of my day rotating between the stove, the sink the dishwasher the vacuum and the laundry room... and I never feel like I get a damn thing accomplished!!! The weird thing is that it never used to bother me... I positively reveled in doing all of those mundane household chores that most people hate. It always gave me such pleasure to be a homemaker... I loved it. But now, I always feel like I should be doing more... be doing something else to change my situation. I search for jobs everyday and apply where I can... submitted my resume twice today. I've even started posting things on Craigslist to sell, so it's not like I'm out gallivanting with the ladies who lunch and getting a weekly mani/pedi... but it feels like I'm just running in place... like I'll never actually get anywhere. Case in point... I came home today to discover ANOTHER shut-off notice from NOVEC. Seriously??? I just paid them 500 bucks on SATURDAY!!! So I call the mung wads and yes, that payment WAS applied to my account, but I owe them SO much money that they want another payment by tomorrow or they're shutting off the power. Fuckin assbags. What would I do if I didn't have my mom helping me out??? I'll tell you... I'd be sitting here in the dark, getting fucked 6 ways to Sunday. I also find it pretty amusing, being that they'll only ALLOW you to pay a maximum of 500 bucks at a time. They just want a reason to assess even more late fees so they can continue to screw me to the wall. Bunch of fuckin cum bubbles.
I have been wanting to sit still and play with my beading stuff EVERY DAY since last Thursday. I finally got everything out this afternoon. It's been sitting on my bed since about 3. Nope... never got a chance to get my hands on it. Fuck.
The only good news is that I've been busting ass at the club every morning. :0) If I don't end up lookin' HAWT by the time this 10k is over, I'm gonna be really pissed.
No other news at the moment. Tojo... I'll give you a fabulous piece of advice you've shared with me on numerous occasions: FUCK 'EM IN THE NECK!!!! What douchebags. Wait... are you sure you don't work for NOVEC???
Gots to go... 9 pm... must mean it's time for another round of the doggie shuffle and load number 6 of laundry. I know.... you're jealous. :0)
xoxo
S
I have been wanting to sit still and play with my beading stuff EVERY DAY since last Thursday. I finally got everything out this afternoon. It's been sitting on my bed since about 3. Nope... never got a chance to get my hands on it. Fuck.
The only good news is that I've been busting ass at the club every morning. :0) If I don't end up lookin' HAWT by the time this 10k is over, I'm gonna be really pissed.
No other news at the moment. Tojo... I'll give you a fabulous piece of advice you've shared with me on numerous occasions: FUCK 'EM IN THE NECK!!!! What douchebags. Wait... are you sure you don't work for NOVEC???
Gots to go... 9 pm... must mean it's time for another round of the doggie shuffle and load number 6 of laundry. I know.... you're jealous. :0)
xoxo
S
07 March 2011
Yet another Monday
To answer your question Auntie Nut... NO... it appears that I don't deserve a fuckin' break... EVER! Ugh. So Saturday I REALLY wanted Reilly to be able to attend that lacrosse team BBQ. He really didn't deserve to attend a social funtion, but I WANT him to have the whole experience. But as usual, he made it impossible for me to let him go. The only thing I told him to do that morning, was to call me every 90 minutes to 2 hours and just check in with me. They were committed until 2:30. I gave him ALL DAY... until 2:15, and he NEVER called. Fucker. So I drove my ass over there and picked him up. And again... he refused to take responsibility for his fuck-up. INFURIATING!!! He is convinced that it's ALL me... that I'm just a huge bitch and that I don't want him to do well or participate. Puhhhleeeez.
As soon as we got home, he asked to have his phone back. Hellloooooo..... cement head.... get a CLUE!!! I think one of the things that is really pissing him off, is that when I give him a warning or dole out punishment for something, I actually stick to it. I follow through.... bummer for him. His dad SUCKED at that. He would make these enormous threats that he couldn't possibly follow through on. When Rei played travel soccer, anytime there was an issue he'd say, "if you don't... whatever... I'm pulling you from soccer and you'll never play again!!!" or "I'm getting rid of the x-box forever!" or one of my personal faves... "I'll pull you out of school and homeschool you myself!" Hey moron... you can only threaten things that you're actually willing to do. We went round and round about his ridiculous threats more times than I can count. And of course, in his final year, he wanted to appear to be Super Awesome Fun Dad, so he let both of them get away with murder. Thanks assbag.
The yard ape fell asleep after his rough workout. Mom... you'll be very happy to know that I DID wake him up and he joined us for family dinner. He is constantly telling anyone who'l listen that he hates Finn & the kids... he hates our home life... eic. Funny... he was pleasant and happy and sweet at dinner, playing around with all of the kids and generally being very chatty. He's. Gonna. Kill. Me. AAAGGHHHH!!!
On Sunday, he decided that he wasn't 'going to be stuck in the house all day'. Oh really??? And what the FUCK makes you think you'll be out and about playing Social Director with your friends??? Uh, no. I didn't have any pressing errands to do, but I left the house for a while in an attempt to force him to be helpful. I instructed him to help his brother make his leprechaun trap for school, and to make him lunch. Good news, he did great! Until I got home, that is. He came at me wanting his phone again. When I told him that not only would he have to earn it back, but that he'd be earning it a little at a time... i.e.... I'll be removing texting from his plan & I'm going to restrict the numbers that he can call. As you might imagine... that news did NOT go over well. He called me every name in the book, told me that I'm manipulating him, etc. I made sure to tell him that no, I'm not manipulating you... I'm punishing you and expecting you to make changes and earn your privileges back. He NO happy. Boo fuckin' hoo.
I must really love my Finn or something, because he convinced me that we should take the kids to Chuck E. Cheese's for dinner. It had been pouring rain all day and he wanted to take them to do something fun. Clearly, with my crazy germophobia, that is NOT a place I like to be. Frankly, it scares the shit out of me. But I wanted to do something fun for the kids too, so I agreed. I asked Reilly if he wanted to join us and surprise... he gave me tons of attitude, blah blah blah. In the end, he did go with us and SHOCKER... he had a blast playing games with the kids. Just one more piece of evidence that he does enjoy the kids and he does enjoy doing things as a family. He even spent a lot of his time escorting Jayden around... on his OWN! We didn't ask him to do that. He and I had a very good talk on the way home, so at least we ended the weekend on a high note. What will today bring? I haven't a clue.
I did get a little bit of good news the other day.... both boys were awarded scholarships to play their sports, so at least I saved that 350 bucks. I'l take it! I also secured a car pool spot for Reilly to come home from practice every night. The only night I'll have to drive will be Fridays. Sweet! I'm still trying to get help for the Tuesday & Thursday morning workouts, as it'll be impossible for me to drive then. I have to leave the house with the little ones at the exact time that Rei is supposed to be at school. Yup... a problem. I also got Rei a ride to and from Cotillion this Saturday. Thank God, as it's the dinner cruise in DC from 6:30-10.
This Friday is my sweet Finn's birthday. Yes... he'll be all of 31 !!! How CRAZY is that??? He refuses to give me any gift ideas, so instead I've planned a fun adventure day for us on Saturday. I don't think he ever reads this shit, but just in case, I'll keep the deets to myself. :0)
I applied for a slew of jobs over the weekend and did a lot of research about certification programs I'm interested in attending. It'll be really hard for me to make any of those happen though, as the time commitments all seem to conflict with either drop-off or pick-up school hours, or both. Shit. Time to resume the job search. Have a good one.
xoxo
S
***FYI... Both Rory and I have surpassed our fundraising goals, but Reilly's page is seriously lacking. Please pass along his website info to anyone who might want to donate. Thanks!
www.firstgiving.com/fundraiser/reilly-streight
As soon as we got home, he asked to have his phone back. Hellloooooo..... cement head.... get a CLUE!!! I think one of the things that is really pissing him off, is that when I give him a warning or dole out punishment for something, I actually stick to it. I follow through.... bummer for him. His dad SUCKED at that. He would make these enormous threats that he couldn't possibly follow through on. When Rei played travel soccer, anytime there was an issue he'd say, "if you don't... whatever... I'm pulling you from soccer and you'll never play again!!!" or "I'm getting rid of the x-box forever!" or one of my personal faves... "I'll pull you out of school and homeschool you myself!" Hey moron... you can only threaten things that you're actually willing to do. We went round and round about his ridiculous threats more times than I can count. And of course, in his final year, he wanted to appear to be Super Awesome Fun Dad, so he let both of them get away with murder. Thanks assbag.
The yard ape fell asleep after his rough workout. Mom... you'll be very happy to know that I DID wake him up and he joined us for family dinner. He is constantly telling anyone who'l listen that he hates Finn & the kids... he hates our home life... eic. Funny... he was pleasant and happy and sweet at dinner, playing around with all of the kids and generally being very chatty. He's. Gonna. Kill. Me. AAAGGHHHH!!!
On Sunday, he decided that he wasn't 'going to be stuck in the house all day'. Oh really??? And what the FUCK makes you think you'll be out and about playing Social Director with your friends??? Uh, no. I didn't have any pressing errands to do, but I left the house for a while in an attempt to force him to be helpful. I instructed him to help his brother make his leprechaun trap for school, and to make him lunch. Good news, he did great! Until I got home, that is. He came at me wanting his phone again. When I told him that not only would he have to earn it back, but that he'd be earning it a little at a time... i.e.... I'll be removing texting from his plan & I'm going to restrict the numbers that he can call. As you might imagine... that news did NOT go over well. He called me every name in the book, told me that I'm manipulating him, etc. I made sure to tell him that no, I'm not manipulating you... I'm punishing you and expecting you to make changes and earn your privileges back. He NO happy. Boo fuckin' hoo.
I must really love my Finn or something, because he convinced me that we should take the kids to Chuck E. Cheese's for dinner. It had been pouring rain all day and he wanted to take them to do something fun. Clearly, with my crazy germophobia, that is NOT a place I like to be. Frankly, it scares the shit out of me. But I wanted to do something fun for the kids too, so I agreed. I asked Reilly if he wanted to join us and surprise... he gave me tons of attitude, blah blah blah. In the end, he did go with us and SHOCKER... he had a blast playing games with the kids. Just one more piece of evidence that he does enjoy the kids and he does enjoy doing things as a family. He even spent a lot of his time escorting Jayden around... on his OWN! We didn't ask him to do that. He and I had a very good talk on the way home, so at least we ended the weekend on a high note. What will today bring? I haven't a clue.
I did get a little bit of good news the other day.... both boys were awarded scholarships to play their sports, so at least I saved that 350 bucks. I'l take it! I also secured a car pool spot for Reilly to come home from practice every night. The only night I'll have to drive will be Fridays. Sweet! I'm still trying to get help for the Tuesday & Thursday morning workouts, as it'll be impossible for me to drive then. I have to leave the house with the little ones at the exact time that Rei is supposed to be at school. Yup... a problem. I also got Rei a ride to and from Cotillion this Saturday. Thank God, as it's the dinner cruise in DC from 6:30-10.
This Friday is my sweet Finn's birthday. Yes... he'll be all of 31 !!! How CRAZY is that??? He refuses to give me any gift ideas, so instead I've planned a fun adventure day for us on Saturday. I don't think he ever reads this shit, but just in case, I'll keep the deets to myself. :0)
I applied for a slew of jobs over the weekend and did a lot of research about certification programs I'm interested in attending. It'll be really hard for me to make any of those happen though, as the time commitments all seem to conflict with either drop-off or pick-up school hours, or both. Shit. Time to resume the job search. Have a good one.
xoxo
S
***FYI... Both Rory and I have surpassed our fundraising goals, but Reilly's page is seriously lacking. Please pass along his website info to anyone who might want to donate. Thanks!
www.firstgiving.com/fundraiser/reilly-streight
***Be bold in life.***
***Laugh long and loudly.***
***Remember that your character matters more than your reputation.***
-Instant Karma
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