Thank God!!! Just got off the phone with the kennel & Suzanne has decided that they will, in fact, 'sponsor us' by boarding the dogs for free this weekend. Yahoooooo! You never know with her... remember when she did me a FAVOR by ONLY charging me $800.00 after we got back from our cruise??? Ugh. Anyhoo... between registration fees, hotel rooms, gas & food, participating in this 10k is actually going to COST me quite a bit. VERY relieved that I don't have to add kennel fees to that!!! Super bonus? The puppers will most likely be bathed, clipped & groomed for free too. Sweet!!!
Racing home to pack. Later taters!
S
Trying to survive and thrive, through the most difficult time in my life.
31 March 2011
Goin' crazy....
Hey nut balls.... I can't believe we're leaving for Richmond TOMORROW!!!! Holy shiz nit!!! As you might imagine, I'm running around like a nut job trying to get everything ready. I just dropped off the posters I made for Rory at Staples. It looks like rain for the race, so I wanted his posters to stay looking nice. They are SO cute!!! I can't wait to see his face as he crosses that finish line. :0)
We're going to have a house full tonight... Patrick, Lexie & Taylor are staying over so that we can hit it first thing in the morning. The good news is that they'll likely stay up all night. That means they'll sleep in the car, so no yapping during the 3 hour drive! ;-)
I will be taking my computer with me, so hopefully I'll be able to upload race day pictures on Saturday evening. That is, if I'm not in the morgue!
Errands to run... better go.
xoxo
S
We're going to have a house full tonight... Patrick, Lexie & Taylor are staying over so that we can hit it first thing in the morning. The good news is that they'll likely stay up all night. That means they'll sleep in the car, so no yapping during the 3 hour drive! ;-)
I will be taking my computer with me, so hopefully I'll be able to upload race day pictures on Saturday evening. That is, if I'm not in the morgue!
Errands to run... better go.
xoxo
S
29 March 2011
White pasta is the devil.
Jeez To.... thanks for the FAB endorsement. Now, if only all of that were true. :0) First of all, I'm not handling any of this shit very well. More than anything, I think I'm just trying to juggle it all to keep my universe from imploding. I hear the bomb... ticking in the back of my head.... tick... tick.... tick.... it's just a matter of time.
And as far as the skinny thing.... I WISH!!! It doesn't matter how much time I spend at the club, I'm just bustin' out all over. There are only two words responsible for my increasing porkage... WHITE PASTA. Yes... I do believe it was put on this earth by the devil himself. It's so weird... I was NEVER an emotional eater before David got sick. Quite the opposite, actually. Things get rough... I can't eat, and the weight just falls off. Case in point... in those last few weeks of David's life, all the way through the summer, I couldn't eat a damn thing. I was positively emaciated. It wasn't good. I looked fuckin' HAWT... but I was as weak as a kitten. After my own illness a few years ago, I discovered the joys of cold, white pasta. I had NEVER liked cold pasta before that... EVER. But once I was able to start eating again... after 4 SOLID MONTHS of nothing but bananas and Ensure... eew... that pasta was like a fuckin' mardi gras in my mouth. It didn't get out of control then... not until cancer. I'd stand in front of the open fridge and just jam it in my mouth, even when I wasn't hungry. I'm not quite that bad right now, but I pretty much have to make sure there is pasta in the fridge at all times. Dammit!!!! Shan... will power??? Uh, no. Fuck!
Tried like crazy today to find a real jog bra. I have a bunch of sports bras, but I don't do high impact, so those are fine. I am NOT a runner. I stick to the bike, the stair climber, the elliptical and weights. Though I have NO plans to try and run this whole fucker on Saturday, I will have to do some running. Ick. And let me tell ya... I've got me some hooooters. Yeah.... needs me some good support. TMI? Too fuckin bad. Don't you know me by now????
On a totally different subject, I thought I remembered that with both of my boys, age 3 was far worse than 2. Terrible two's? Nope. 3 was a motherfucker. Bad news... I was right. With each passing day, as Jayden approaches the big 3 in July, he is becoming a giant asshole. Yep... I said it. He's a lil munchkin... a cutie patootie... funny as hell... and an asshole. Well shit. You'd think I would be used to having male assholes around, but I'm NOT diggin' it!!! He's damn lucky he's so cute... it's garbage night. :0)
xoxo
S
And as far as the skinny thing.... I WISH!!! It doesn't matter how much time I spend at the club, I'm just bustin' out all over. There are only two words responsible for my increasing porkage... WHITE PASTA. Yes... I do believe it was put on this earth by the devil himself. It's so weird... I was NEVER an emotional eater before David got sick. Quite the opposite, actually. Things get rough... I can't eat, and the weight just falls off. Case in point... in those last few weeks of David's life, all the way through the summer, I couldn't eat a damn thing. I was positively emaciated. It wasn't good. I looked fuckin' HAWT... but I was as weak as a kitten. After my own illness a few years ago, I discovered the joys of cold, white pasta. I had NEVER liked cold pasta before that... EVER. But once I was able to start eating again... after 4 SOLID MONTHS of nothing but bananas and Ensure... eew... that pasta was like a fuckin' mardi gras in my mouth. It didn't get out of control then... not until cancer. I'd stand in front of the open fridge and just jam it in my mouth, even when I wasn't hungry. I'm not quite that bad right now, but I pretty much have to make sure there is pasta in the fridge at all times. Dammit!!!! Shan... will power??? Uh, no. Fuck!
Tried like crazy today to find a real jog bra. I have a bunch of sports bras, but I don't do high impact, so those are fine. I am NOT a runner. I stick to the bike, the stair climber, the elliptical and weights. Though I have NO plans to try and run this whole fucker on Saturday, I will have to do some running. Ick. And let me tell ya... I've got me some hooooters. Yeah.... needs me some good support. TMI? Too fuckin bad. Don't you know me by now????
On a totally different subject, I thought I remembered that with both of my boys, age 3 was far worse than 2. Terrible two's? Nope. 3 was a motherfucker. Bad news... I was right. With each passing day, as Jayden approaches the big 3 in July, he is becoming a giant asshole. Yep... I said it. He's a lil munchkin... a cutie patootie... funny as hell... and an asshole. Well shit. You'd think I would be used to having male assholes around, but I'm NOT diggin' it!!! He's damn lucky he's so cute... it's garbage night. :0)
xoxo
S
Good morning...
Hey peeps... clearly I'm still in the funk... couldn't even write yesterday. I feel completely stuck... can't go back... not moving forward. The pile of scary mail looms again... the propane tank is almost empty... I've got lawyers calling me every day in reference to David's debts... and I can't find a fuckin' job to save my life. The cherry on top of the sundae is that the reality and enormity of David's death is knocking the wind out of me. I still don't understand why this is happening now... all I know is that it's freaking me out. A Prius just like Davids' drove by me the other day and I let out an audible gasp. What the FUCK??? He got rid of that car more than a year before he died, but when that one came near me, I had one millisecond where I thought it was him. I know... crazy. Maybe it's because I'm in the process of transcribing our text conversations... I can actually hear his voice in his words. Is it just me???? Can you believe that he's dead??? If I had any shred of my mind left, I'm very clearly losing it now. Great.
Switching gears... HUMONGOID thanks to my girl Kathryn for ONCE AGAIN, saving the day. :0) She offered to let Leilei try on some of Hannah's old soccer cleats. Hannah is a freshman and is not tiny... she's a tall girl. But get this... Leighanna, who is 6 1/2, wears the same size as she does!!! Ridonculous!!! Super bonus? The cleats are white with pink laces. :0) Leilei was thrilled. Thank you Kathryn... you're an angel!!! Of course, they're also very nice leather cleats... just like the kind we used to get Reilly. I remember going all the way to McLean to this soccer specialty store to get all of his gear. I know, big whoop, right? But these are the things I think about as I'm digging through the pile at Walmart looking for the last pair of $5 pee wee soccer socks. Good thing Rory doesn't give a toss... he was thrilled with his Walmart cleats. Thank God. I also scored at 5 Below and got each of them a new soccer ball... yep... for 5 bucks each. Sweet.
They had a great first practice. Rory was SO happy to be back on the field and Leighanna really did a great job. You'd never know that it was her first time playing, and she didn't seem to be the least bit bothered that she is the only girl on the team. Of course, I was in such a rush to get out of the house to make sure we were on time that I forgot my damn camera. Shit. I always have it in my purse, but I did go exchange the one I got a couple weeks ago for a new one, so it was plugged into the charger. Oh well.... plenty of soccer practices ahead.
This week is an ultra busy one, as far as sports go. Reilly has two games... tomorrow night at 7:15 and Thursday at 6. I guess that means I'd better start packing for the weekend TODAY. Still trying to figure out how to be at 2 places at a time... Rory's support group starts back up on Thursday from 5:30-6:30 at the hospital in Lansdowne... the game is at 6 in Purcellville. Blarg! Need a Shan clone!
I'm heading over to Michael's to get some poster-making supplies. There are going to be 50 of us from The Grief Relief Team at the finish line when Rory finishes his run. I want our group to be decked out with posters for the kid. :0) He doesn't know it yet, but he'll be getting a medal at the finish. He's gonna FLIP. That kid LUVVVVES him some medals. More good news on the race day front... I was worried about what to do with Rory during the 10k. Most people doing the race are locals, so they bring someone along to watch the kids while they run. Ruh roh... no one extra in our crew. CZC has a specially designated Cheer Zone & the kids are welcome there, but there aren't any adults that can be responsible for watching them. I was talking about it with my friend Tanya... we have yet to actually meet, but our kids were at camp the same weekend and we've been talking constantly since then. Her son Reese was in Rory's Healing Circle, and her daughter Amanda was in Reilly's. I think I mentioned her before... she's the one who's husband was a State Trooper & died last October during a routine dive team training exercise... SCUBA gear malfunction... nightmare. Anyhoo.... she is going to have a 50-strong crew of state troopers cheering her on, so Reese & Rory will basically have their own security detail. :0) Coooool.
More good race news.... we have officially reached our team goal of $5000.00.... we'll be sponsoring an ENTIRE Healing Circle... AWESOME!!! We certainly don't have a problem with raising even more though, so if you'd still like to donate, please do.
Gots to go. Hoping for a better day. Love & smooches to you all.
xoxo
S
Switching gears... HUMONGOID thanks to my girl Kathryn for ONCE AGAIN, saving the day. :0) She offered to let Leilei try on some of Hannah's old soccer cleats. Hannah is a freshman and is not tiny... she's a tall girl. But get this... Leighanna, who is 6 1/2, wears the same size as she does!!! Ridonculous!!! Super bonus? The cleats are white with pink laces. :0) Leilei was thrilled. Thank you Kathryn... you're an angel!!! Of course, they're also very nice leather cleats... just like the kind we used to get Reilly. I remember going all the way to McLean to this soccer specialty store to get all of his gear. I know, big whoop, right? But these are the things I think about as I'm digging through the pile at Walmart looking for the last pair of $5 pee wee soccer socks. Good thing Rory doesn't give a toss... he was thrilled with his Walmart cleats. Thank God. I also scored at 5 Below and got each of them a new soccer ball... yep... for 5 bucks each. Sweet.
They had a great first practice. Rory was SO happy to be back on the field and Leighanna really did a great job. You'd never know that it was her first time playing, and she didn't seem to be the least bit bothered that she is the only girl on the team. Of course, I was in such a rush to get out of the house to make sure we were on time that I forgot my damn camera. Shit. I always have it in my purse, but I did go exchange the one I got a couple weeks ago for a new one, so it was plugged into the charger. Oh well.... plenty of soccer practices ahead.
This week is an ultra busy one, as far as sports go. Reilly has two games... tomorrow night at 7:15 and Thursday at 6. I guess that means I'd better start packing for the weekend TODAY. Still trying to figure out how to be at 2 places at a time... Rory's support group starts back up on Thursday from 5:30-6:30 at the hospital in Lansdowne... the game is at 6 in Purcellville. Blarg! Need a Shan clone!
I'm heading over to Michael's to get some poster-making supplies. There are going to be 50 of us from The Grief Relief Team at the finish line when Rory finishes his run. I want our group to be decked out with posters for the kid. :0) He doesn't know it yet, but he'll be getting a medal at the finish. He's gonna FLIP. That kid LUVVVVES him some medals. More good news on the race day front... I was worried about what to do with Rory during the 10k. Most people doing the race are locals, so they bring someone along to watch the kids while they run. Ruh roh... no one extra in our crew. CZC has a specially designated Cheer Zone & the kids are welcome there, but there aren't any adults that can be responsible for watching them. I was talking about it with my friend Tanya... we have yet to actually meet, but our kids were at camp the same weekend and we've been talking constantly since then. Her son Reese was in Rory's Healing Circle, and her daughter Amanda was in Reilly's. I think I mentioned her before... she's the one who's husband was a State Trooper & died last October during a routine dive team training exercise... SCUBA gear malfunction... nightmare. Anyhoo.... she is going to have a 50-strong crew of state troopers cheering her on, so Reese & Rory will basically have their own security detail. :0) Coooool.
More good race news.... we have officially reached our team goal of $5000.00.... we'll be sponsoring an ENTIRE Healing Circle... AWESOME!!! We certainly don't have a problem with raising even more though, so if you'd still like to donate, please do.
Gots to go. Hoping for a better day. Love & smooches to you all.
xoxo
S
27 March 2011
No snow...
The snow was a no-show... nary a flake to be seen. :( Late last night it smelled like it was going to snow, but it never happened. Oh well... I guess that ship has sailed. It's spring, and soon it will be summer. Eeeeww.
You're right Bobbin.... caring for an aging parent with love is what civilized people do. I think we all know that doesn't apply in this case though. And believe me, I'm not exaggerating. I wish I was. My mom witnessed the troll's horrendous talk about and treatment of her mother a zillion times. It was just gross. I think it's very obvious in their behavior that they never had any sort of religious belief system instilled in them. And I'm not saying that everyone needs religion per se... but at least some connection with spirituality... belief in a higher power... karma... something. Without it, it seems that there is no need to be accountable for your actions throughout your life. I even like Carrie Bradshaw's take on it... "I was raised in the church of 'be nice to people and don't chew with your mouth open". Even that... it's something. Whatever. At least now gg... Lucille Bradley... is resting in peace. :0)
Although I have been consumed by the funk this weekend, it's been a great couple of days for the kids. After practice on Friday, Reilly came home with Patrick & Lexie to have them spend the night. Yes, Lexie is a girl, but don't get your panties in a wad... she has a boyfriend and Rei & Patrick love her like a sister. Finn & I went out for dinner, so the teenagers played with Rory... he loved every minute of it and even slept in the basement with them. Chris came at about 10 on Saturday to take the teenagers to College Park for that lacrosse game. After the game, he took them over to the student union to grab a bite and get this.... he paid for everything. SO not like him!!! Rory got to have a fun day playing at his friend Justin's house, and I took the opportunity to take a lovely depression nap.
Everyone was home by about 5:30, and Rei wanted to know if Patrick & Lexie could stay over again. Fine with me. They are lovely, darling, wonderful kids, and I LOVE that they wanted to stay. I ran to Leesburg to get myself a couple of Redbox movies, knowing I'd be without my Finn. :( The kids were so funny... they totally included Rory again... playing board games, going outside to throw lacrosse balls around, and they even played a couple wicked games of tag and four square... IN the house!!! I let Rory stay up past his bed time, but I did have him sleep in his bed last night. I learned the hard way that 2 nights of sleepovers in a row is NO bueno for him. I was awake until about 4:30... guts in a knot without my Finn. I ate like a gluttonous pig, which was NO easy feat, considering we have a serious case of Mother Hubbard's Cupboard going on. It's actually pretty bad. The shelves in the garage that are always stocked with staples are all but empty. The main storage cupboard in the kitchen has a lazy Susan, and used to be so full that it was hard to turn. Now? I think there are a couple cans on the top and 2 or 3 boxes of rice on the bottom. The pantry? Plenty of cereal, but otherwise, mostly bare. We've eaten down the freezer too... cooked the last pot roast for dinner one night last week. It's fucking embarrassing and demoralizing, but I'm afraid to spend money. Yes... even on food. I'm about to go the the grocery store now though, because there is simply NOTHING to eat for dinner. Finally landing a job and getting a damn paycheck sure would help. Fuck.
Back to the teenagers... they had a great time again today. They even took Rory for a walk around the pond and went looking for frogs, and then played outside for quite a while. Rory just adores them and they love him too. I think they're going to make next weekend's trip even more fun. Lexie's mom arrived to take them home at about 3:30, and Rory did NOT want to see them go. :0)
Rory is crazy excited about tomorrow... soccer season has begun and he'll be having his first practice. He's counting the minutes. Leilei is playing on the same team. She's never played soccer before, but Finn and I both think she needs to get some exercise. Evidently, her mom is a total couch potato and hates to be outside. Leighanna seems to have inherited that gene, and we need to turn that shit around now. Both kids need new cleats, shin guards and soccer balls... $$$$... shit. At least they both got scholarships to play. Whew.
I guess I'd better hit the store. I hope you all had a lovely weekend.
xoxo
S
***Miss Nicole... yes, the Skecher's Shape-Ups DO work!!!! I have 2 pairs and I LOVE them!!!! You have to walk very purposefully, heel to toe, but when you do, you can really feel the muscles working... all the way up to your butt cheeks! It's awesome!!! My advice? Get some asap!!! :0)
***One more thing... a family on Rei's team donated to my site, so I've now reached my goal of $2500.00. !!! We're still a couple hundred bucks short on Rei's site, but I think we'll get there.
You're right Bobbin.... caring for an aging parent with love is what civilized people do. I think we all know that doesn't apply in this case though. And believe me, I'm not exaggerating. I wish I was. My mom witnessed the troll's horrendous talk about and treatment of her mother a zillion times. It was just gross. I think it's very obvious in their behavior that they never had any sort of religious belief system instilled in them. And I'm not saying that everyone needs religion per se... but at least some connection with spirituality... belief in a higher power... karma... something. Without it, it seems that there is no need to be accountable for your actions throughout your life. I even like Carrie Bradshaw's take on it... "I was raised in the church of 'be nice to people and don't chew with your mouth open". Even that... it's something. Whatever. At least now gg... Lucille Bradley... is resting in peace. :0)
Although I have been consumed by the funk this weekend, it's been a great couple of days for the kids. After practice on Friday, Reilly came home with Patrick & Lexie to have them spend the night. Yes, Lexie is a girl, but don't get your panties in a wad... she has a boyfriend and Rei & Patrick love her like a sister. Finn & I went out for dinner, so the teenagers played with Rory... he loved every minute of it and even slept in the basement with them. Chris came at about 10 on Saturday to take the teenagers to College Park for that lacrosse game. After the game, he took them over to the student union to grab a bite and get this.... he paid for everything. SO not like him!!! Rory got to have a fun day playing at his friend Justin's house, and I took the opportunity to take a lovely depression nap.
Everyone was home by about 5:30, and Rei wanted to know if Patrick & Lexie could stay over again. Fine with me. They are lovely, darling, wonderful kids, and I LOVE that they wanted to stay. I ran to Leesburg to get myself a couple of Redbox movies, knowing I'd be without my Finn. :( The kids were so funny... they totally included Rory again... playing board games, going outside to throw lacrosse balls around, and they even played a couple wicked games of tag and four square... IN the house!!! I let Rory stay up past his bed time, but I did have him sleep in his bed last night. I learned the hard way that 2 nights of sleepovers in a row is NO bueno for him. I was awake until about 4:30... guts in a knot without my Finn. I ate like a gluttonous pig, which was NO easy feat, considering we have a serious case of Mother Hubbard's Cupboard going on. It's actually pretty bad. The shelves in the garage that are always stocked with staples are all but empty. The main storage cupboard in the kitchen has a lazy Susan, and used to be so full that it was hard to turn. Now? I think there are a couple cans on the top and 2 or 3 boxes of rice on the bottom. The pantry? Plenty of cereal, but otherwise, mostly bare. We've eaten down the freezer too... cooked the last pot roast for dinner one night last week. It's fucking embarrassing and demoralizing, but I'm afraid to spend money. Yes... even on food. I'm about to go the the grocery store now though, because there is simply NOTHING to eat for dinner. Finally landing a job and getting a damn paycheck sure would help. Fuck.
Back to the teenagers... they had a great time again today. They even took Rory for a walk around the pond and went looking for frogs, and then played outside for quite a while. Rory just adores them and they love him too. I think they're going to make next weekend's trip even more fun. Lexie's mom arrived to take them home at about 3:30, and Rory did NOT want to see them go. :0)
Rory is crazy excited about tomorrow... soccer season has begun and he'll be having his first practice. He's counting the minutes. Leilei is playing on the same team. She's never played soccer before, but Finn and I both think she needs to get some exercise. Evidently, her mom is a total couch potato and hates to be outside. Leighanna seems to have inherited that gene, and we need to turn that shit around now. Both kids need new cleats, shin guards and soccer balls... $$$$... shit. At least they both got scholarships to play. Whew.
I guess I'd better hit the store. I hope you all had a lovely weekend.
xoxo
S
***Miss Nicole... yes, the Skecher's Shape-Ups DO work!!!! I have 2 pairs and I LOVE them!!!! You have to walk very purposefully, heel to toe, but when you do, you can really feel the muscles working... all the way up to your butt cheeks! It's awesome!!! My advice? Get some asap!!! :0)
***One more thing... a family on Rei's team donated to my site, so I've now reached my goal of $2500.00. !!! We're still a couple hundred bucks short on Rei's site, but I think we'll get there.
Warning: the princess of darkness is back...
It's back. AGAIN. Guess it never really left. I've had some periods of light, but mostly, the weekend has been very hard. I don't think it helps that Finn is out of town overnight. I HATE being away from him. Funny.... I spent a significant portion of my marriage being geographically separated from my husband, but Finn is gone one night & I can't sleep.
David's grandma died today. She was 95. She's had progressive Alzheimer's for a few years and has had many heath issues for the past couple. She was a tough cookie and was always good to all of us. To hear the troll tell it though, she was a heinous bitch. I don't think I remember her ever saying anything nice about her mother in 21 years. And let me tell you... that woman went through some SHIT. She had a daughter a few years before the troll who was severely mentally retarded. Her name was Pat & she was born in the 1930's. EVERYONE told great gammy to put Pat in an institution... that she'd never be anything but a vegetable... but gg wouldn't hear of it. Pat eventually grew to have the mentality of about a 4 year old, and gg took care of her full-time... ALONE... until she was in her 80's. Even after she had to place her in a home, she still brought Pat home to stay with her every weekend until Pat died 8 or 9 years ago. She also buried a son and 2 husbands. Yeah.... serious shit.
Maybe 5 years ago or so, the troll decided that her mother had to move to Florida and live with her and the cactus. She didn't want to go... she was still living on her own in New York, and was even the one of all of her friends that still drove, so she took everyone to their appointments, etc. It was clear though, that it would be much more convenient for those 2 scumbags, if she was close by. I always felt so sad for her... they never took her anywhere or did anything with her. She just sat. Out on the patio she sat... alone. It was awful. I don't remember when they moved her into a full-care facility... it was during the cancer years, so big shocker that I don't know exactly when that happened. She was SO much happier there.... people actually spoke to her, there were activities every day, and she had her own apartment again, but was surrounded by friendly people. David went down there to visit her a couple of times and said how thrilled he was that they finally let her be happy. Ugh.
For many, many years, David had a hard time believing the stuff I told him the troll had said to me. She was always nasty... always rude... and made sure to insult me every chance she got. But... she never did it where anyone else could hear her.... just me. Nice. She eventually started getting bolder though, and even he could see what a flat out mean person she was. The cactus had never hidden what an asshole he was... nope. He was always up front about that. David really started to wrestle with what to do about the situation. Even though he himself was a hard-ass in so many ways, he was never able to stand up to his parents. He definitely started to get the memo that they were just plain toxic, and the troll herself drove that one home in 2007. I remember it like it was yesterday... we were having a dinner party on the 3rd of July. A bunch of people were here that night, including Hank (the SDSI CEO) and his wife Karen. I don't know how the parental units wrangled an invitation, but I do remember that David regretted having them over even before they arrived.
Most everyone was outside by the pool noshing on appetizers, and I ran up to the kitchen to do a couple things. The troll was in there & that's when Hank & Karen arrived. They had never met D's parents, and Karen stayed in the kitchen to chat for a few minutes. Out of nowhere, the troll launched into this hideous diatribe about her mother... that she was living with them & how inconvenient it was... on and on she went. One thing she said has been permanently etched into my memory.... "I just hope she dies soon... I certainly didn't retire so I could spend my time taking care of my mother." OH. MY. GOD. I was HORRIFIED. She'd said things like that to me a million times before... but in front of Karen???? I was the one who wanted to die at that moment.
After everyone had left and I told D what she had said, he positively FLIPPED. That was it for him... he was DONE. We didn't see them again until Christmas that year, and after that fiasco, he decided it was time to cut them out of our lives. They were in Florida mostly though, so we didn't really have to address it... but then he started getting sick in March, was diagnosed in April, and that was the end of that.
I'm sad that great gammy spent so many years being treated like nothing but a big problem, but I am happy that she spent her final couple of years in a beautiful place with people that made her happy. I also feel good knowing that we were always good to her. We never missed a chance to make a big deal about her birthday, always sent her pictures of the kids, took her out to dinner, etc. She enjoyed being here, and we enjoyed having her.
Chris took Reilly, Patrick and Lexi to a University of Maryland lacrosse game today. They had just gotten back when he got the call from the troll, so he ran upstairs to tell me. He was going on and on about his "poor mom" and how she'd said she wished she "could go 6 months without having to deal with death". Gimme a fuckin' break. First of all, David died almost NINE months ago, and exactly how is it that she had to deal with that??? I signed all of the paperwork at the hospital. I released his body to the funeral home. I identified his body. I planned the funeral. I planned the celebration of life. I wrote his obituary. I cleaned out his bachelor pad. And I'M the one who still has to deal with the fallout EVERY FUCKING DAY. Oh wait... she made a phone call to the caterer and ordered food for the reception after the funeral. I forgot. Wow... that must have been tough.
I flat out told Chris not to feel bad for his mom, since she had been hoping her mother would die for more years than I could remember. I even relayed the choice little dinner party story for him, and he said "yeah, that sounds like something my dad would say." Yeah, well it wasn't your dad... it was your MOM. And maybe it makes me sound like a horrible person, but I don't feel badly for her. Yes, she lost a son, she lost her mom... for anyone else on this earth, I would have some comapassion. Unfortunately, I know all too well that this 'person' doesn't possess a single shred of humanity. My guess is that she feels nothing. Maybe relief, but that's it.
I told ya... feeling pretty dark. Sorry. That's the way it is.
S
David's grandma died today. She was 95. She's had progressive Alzheimer's for a few years and has had many heath issues for the past couple. She was a tough cookie and was always good to all of us. To hear the troll tell it though, she was a heinous bitch. I don't think I remember her ever saying anything nice about her mother in 21 years. And let me tell you... that woman went through some SHIT. She had a daughter a few years before the troll who was severely mentally retarded. Her name was Pat & she was born in the 1930's. EVERYONE told great gammy to put Pat in an institution... that she'd never be anything but a vegetable... but gg wouldn't hear of it. Pat eventually grew to have the mentality of about a 4 year old, and gg took care of her full-time... ALONE... until she was in her 80's. Even after she had to place her in a home, she still brought Pat home to stay with her every weekend until Pat died 8 or 9 years ago. She also buried a son and 2 husbands. Yeah.... serious shit.
Maybe 5 years ago or so, the troll decided that her mother had to move to Florida and live with her and the cactus. She didn't want to go... she was still living on her own in New York, and was even the one of all of her friends that still drove, so she took everyone to their appointments, etc. It was clear though, that it would be much more convenient for those 2 scumbags, if she was close by. I always felt so sad for her... they never took her anywhere or did anything with her. She just sat. Out on the patio she sat... alone. It was awful. I don't remember when they moved her into a full-care facility... it was during the cancer years, so big shocker that I don't know exactly when that happened. She was SO much happier there.... people actually spoke to her, there were activities every day, and she had her own apartment again, but was surrounded by friendly people. David went down there to visit her a couple of times and said how thrilled he was that they finally let her be happy. Ugh.
For many, many years, David had a hard time believing the stuff I told him the troll had said to me. She was always nasty... always rude... and made sure to insult me every chance she got. But... she never did it where anyone else could hear her.... just me. Nice. She eventually started getting bolder though, and even he could see what a flat out mean person she was. The cactus had never hidden what an asshole he was... nope. He was always up front about that. David really started to wrestle with what to do about the situation. Even though he himself was a hard-ass in so many ways, he was never able to stand up to his parents. He definitely started to get the memo that they were just plain toxic, and the troll herself drove that one home in 2007. I remember it like it was yesterday... we were having a dinner party on the 3rd of July. A bunch of people were here that night, including Hank (the SDSI CEO) and his wife Karen. I don't know how the parental units wrangled an invitation, but I do remember that David regretted having them over even before they arrived.
Most everyone was outside by the pool noshing on appetizers, and I ran up to the kitchen to do a couple things. The troll was in there & that's when Hank & Karen arrived. They had never met D's parents, and Karen stayed in the kitchen to chat for a few minutes. Out of nowhere, the troll launched into this hideous diatribe about her mother... that she was living with them & how inconvenient it was... on and on she went. One thing she said has been permanently etched into my memory.... "I just hope she dies soon... I certainly didn't retire so I could spend my time taking care of my mother." OH. MY. GOD. I was HORRIFIED. She'd said things like that to me a million times before... but in front of Karen???? I was the one who wanted to die at that moment.
After everyone had left and I told D what she had said, he positively FLIPPED. That was it for him... he was DONE. We didn't see them again until Christmas that year, and after that fiasco, he decided it was time to cut them out of our lives. They were in Florida mostly though, so we didn't really have to address it... but then he started getting sick in March, was diagnosed in April, and that was the end of that.
I'm sad that great gammy spent so many years being treated like nothing but a big problem, but I am happy that she spent her final couple of years in a beautiful place with people that made her happy. I also feel good knowing that we were always good to her. We never missed a chance to make a big deal about her birthday, always sent her pictures of the kids, took her out to dinner, etc. She enjoyed being here, and we enjoyed having her.
Chris took Reilly, Patrick and Lexi to a University of Maryland lacrosse game today. They had just gotten back when he got the call from the troll, so he ran upstairs to tell me. He was going on and on about his "poor mom" and how she'd said she wished she "could go 6 months without having to deal with death". Gimme a fuckin' break. First of all, David died almost NINE months ago, and exactly how is it that she had to deal with that??? I signed all of the paperwork at the hospital. I released his body to the funeral home. I identified his body. I planned the funeral. I planned the celebration of life. I wrote his obituary. I cleaned out his bachelor pad. And I'M the one who still has to deal with the fallout EVERY FUCKING DAY. Oh wait... she made a phone call to the caterer and ordered food for the reception after the funeral. I forgot. Wow... that must have been tough.
I flat out told Chris not to feel bad for his mom, since she had been hoping her mother would die for more years than I could remember. I even relayed the choice little dinner party story for him, and he said "yeah, that sounds like something my dad would say." Yeah, well it wasn't your dad... it was your MOM. And maybe it makes me sound like a horrible person, but I don't feel badly for her. Yes, she lost a son, she lost her mom... for anyone else on this earth, I would have some comapassion. Unfortunately, I know all too well that this 'person' doesn't possess a single shred of humanity. My guess is that she feels nothing. Maybe relief, but that's it.
I told ya... feeling pretty dark. Sorry. That's the way it is.
S
Great Gammy & Rory, July 2004
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