The snow was a no-show... nary a flake to be seen. :( Late last night it smelled like it was going to snow, but it never happened. Oh well... I guess that ship has sailed. It's spring, and soon it will be summer. Eeeeww.
You're right Bobbin.... caring for an aging parent with love is what civilized people do. I think we all know that doesn't apply in this case though. And believe me, I'm not exaggerating. I wish I was. My mom witnessed the troll's horrendous talk about and treatment of her mother a zillion times. It was just gross. I think it's very obvious in their behavior that they never had any sort of religious belief system instilled in them. And I'm not saying that everyone needs religion per se... but at least some connection with spirituality... belief in a higher power... karma... something. Without it, it seems that there is no need to be accountable for your actions throughout your life. I even like Carrie Bradshaw's take on it... "I was raised in the church of 'be nice to people and don't chew with your mouth open". Even that... it's something. Whatever. At least now gg... Lucille Bradley... is resting in peace. :0)
Although I have been consumed by the funk this weekend, it's been a great couple of days for the kids. After practice on Friday, Reilly came home with Patrick & Lexie to have them spend the night. Yes, Lexie is a girl, but don't get your panties in a wad... she has a boyfriend and Rei & Patrick love her like a sister. Finn & I went out for dinner, so the teenagers played with Rory... he loved every minute of it and even slept in the basement with them. Chris came at about 10 on Saturday to take the teenagers to College Park for that lacrosse game. After the game, he took them over to the student union to grab a bite and get this.... he paid for everything. SO not like him!!! Rory got to have a fun day playing at his friend Justin's house, and I took the opportunity to take a lovely depression nap.
Everyone was home by about 5:30, and Rei wanted to know if Patrick & Lexie could stay over again. Fine with me. They are lovely, darling, wonderful kids, and I LOVE that they wanted to stay. I ran to Leesburg to get myself a couple of Redbox movies, knowing I'd be without my Finn. :( The kids were so funny... they totally included Rory again... playing board games, going outside to throw lacrosse balls around, and they even played a couple wicked games of tag and four square... IN the house!!! I let Rory stay up past his bed time, but I did have him sleep in his bed last night. I learned the hard way that 2 nights of sleepovers in a row is NO bueno for him. I was awake until about 4:30... guts in a knot without my Finn. I ate like a gluttonous pig, which was NO easy feat, considering we have a serious case of Mother Hubbard's Cupboard going on. It's actually pretty bad. The shelves in the garage that are always stocked with staples are all but empty. The main storage cupboard in the kitchen has a lazy Susan, and used to be so full that it was hard to turn. Now? I think there are a couple cans on the top and 2 or 3 boxes of rice on the bottom. The pantry? Plenty of cereal, but otherwise, mostly bare. We've eaten down the freezer too... cooked the last pot roast for dinner one night last week. It's fucking embarrassing and demoralizing, but I'm afraid to spend money. Yes... even on food. I'm about to go the the grocery store now though, because there is simply NOTHING to eat for dinner. Finally landing a job and getting a damn paycheck sure would help. Fuck.
Back to the teenagers... they had a great time again today. They even took Rory for a walk around the pond and went looking for frogs, and then played outside for quite a while. Rory just adores them and they love him too. I think they're going to make next weekend's trip even more fun. Lexie's mom arrived to take them home at about 3:30, and Rory did NOT want to see them go. :0)
Rory is crazy excited about tomorrow... soccer season has begun and he'll be having his first practice. He's counting the minutes. Leilei is playing on the same team. She's never played soccer before, but Finn and I both think she needs to get some exercise. Evidently, her mom is a total couch potato and hates to be outside. Leighanna seems to have inherited that gene, and we need to turn that shit around now. Both kids need new cleats, shin guards and soccer balls... $$$$... shit. At least they both got scholarships to play. Whew.
I guess I'd better hit the store. I hope you all had a lovely weekend.
xoxo
S
***Miss Nicole... yes, the Skecher's Shape-Ups DO work!!!! I have 2 pairs and I LOVE them!!!! You have to walk very purposefully, heel to toe, but when you do, you can really feel the muscles working... all the way up to your butt cheeks! It's awesome!!! My advice? Get some asap!!! :0)
***One more thing... a family on Rei's team donated to my site, so I've now reached my goal of $2500.00. !!! We're still a couple hundred bucks short on Rei's site, but I think we'll get there.
Trying to survive and thrive, through the most difficult time in my life.
Welcome!
So here's the Reader's Digest version for those of you who are new to my blog.... My 39 year old husband, David, was diagnosed with a hideous and deadly cancer in April of '08. We were told he'd likely die in less than 4 months. Obviously, that diagnosis turned us inside out and shook us to the core. At the time, our boys were 12 and 4... can you say 'fucking nightmare'??? I spent the next 14 months being his 24/7 caregiver and advocate... never leaving his side unless it was to get the boys to or from therapy or their cancer support groups. Cancer and the hell that it brings became our universe. And yet, I was able to get myself to a place where I was depending on my faith.... existing on a plane of pure gratitude. I focused my energies on recognizing the blessings that cancer had brought to our lives... yes, there ARE blessings that come with such a dire diagnosis.
Things were good. David miraculously entered remission in April of '09. I was looking forward to the next few months being our 'summer of healing' as a family. And then my world stopped. He left me... left US... on 6 June 2009. And FYI... he told me he was ending our 18 year marriage in a note. As if that wasn't bad enough, he had left me for a 'friend' who also happened to be married. Nice. The next few months are a blur... I descended into a deep, dark depression, and David's vicious treatment of me didn't help. He was running as fast as he could from everything associated with cancer, and that included me... our family, our home and the entire life we had built together. Things went from bad to worse when his cancer returned with a vengeance. He began treatment once again, and I had to dig deep to help him and make things as easy on him as possible. I even offered to have him move home so I could care for him through his treatment. As it turns out, it was a good thing he didn't take me up on that. The hateful way that he treated me during that time would have made caregiving for him an unbearable situation. I KNEW he was dying... nobody else did, because he fed them all kinds of bullshit... but I knew. Because of that, I focused on the boys and made sure they were with their daddy as much as possible.
His final months were a living nightmare... a kind of pain and darkness for which there are no words. No human being, no matter who they are or how they lived their lives, should have to suffer the horrific pain and endless indignities that David did. In spite of everything, I was with him constantly, much to the chagrin of his girlfriend and his mother. 'Too fuckin bad' was my theory. I wanted my boys to see that I NEVER turned my back on their dad. And I didn't. I continued to advocate for him in the hospital... fighting to get him the meds and the specialists he needed. I was there during his final moments of consciousness. I took Reilly to say goodbye to his dad, just before he slipped into that state. I was there when he died. I ID'd his body at the funeral home. I planned his funeral and his Celebration of Life. I placed his ashes in the wall of the Columbarium at the Naval Academy. We had spent half of our lives together, and though I was no longer in love with him, I did those things out of respect for the life that we shared and the family that we created.The 6 months since he died have brought more changes. I struggle daily to untangle the financial disaster he left me, and I'm fighting like hell to keep our home. The boys are now 15 and 7 and trying to learn how to move forward in their lives without their daddy. I had to get a part-time job after spending 15 years as a full-time mother, and I'm doing everything I can to trim the fat so we can afford to stay where we are. My boys NEED the stability and comfort that come with remaining in our home and community, and staying in their schools. To that end, I will fight with every fiber of my soul to ensure that those things happen.My greatest blessing is that I now have an incredible man in my life... a man who is thoughtful and loving, strong and sensitive, hilariously funny, and who loves me just the way I am. He is authentic. He knows who he is and is completely comfortable in his own skin. It certainly doesn't hurt that he's 11 years younger than I am and sexy as hell. :0)Yes, my boys are struggling in many ways... the therapy and support groups continue... and I still have MUCHO 'death business' to handle. That said, I am starting to believe that there might be a happy future ahead... for all of us.The past almost 3 years have been quite an emotional roller coaster, to say the least. Writing has been the most important part of my day, every day, since this journey began. I am once again being put in a position where I have to learn to survive... spiritually, emotionally, physically, financially... you get the picture. My hope is that I can hold on to my faith, find a moment of joy in every day, be the best mother I can possibly be, and hopefully... one day... emerge back into the light.December 2010
Hi Shan...
ReplyDeleteSorry to hear about D's grandma :( Very heartbreaking to hear how her OWN daughter could view her existance on earth. Wow...that just blows my mind. That really, really disgusts me.
Assuming Finn made it home safe and sound?? Glad you only had to be without him one night.
So cute and sweet that Rei and his friends included Rory in their weekend activities! Let's hope this entry goes through!! Keeping my fingers crossed!
Love ya!
xoxo
Bon
Sorry....I guess when I tried to go to a new paragraph, it didn't work. My hoping the entry would go through had nothing to do with Rei and his friends!! Just for clarification :)
ReplyDeleteAnd yeahhhhhh...it worked!!!!
Marissa was fabulous as Miss Fatio and we are quite proud of her!
ReplyDeletePrayers for the loss of GG. I know you all loved her.
I would just eject the Troll from your thoughts honey. She just isn't worth the thought or aggrivation.
What about burying a statute of some Saint for Employment. I buried one to sell my house once and actually we got an offer the next week. Good JUJU coming your way. Is there a novena or something? I just figure the more good JUJU the better.
muchos love chica
AOT
Prayers and all that
Spunky
I got the generic sketchers and I did hurt right up to the top of my ass! I am not sure if they worked but my butt hurt and I wore them during the census.
ReplyDeleteSpunky
Thank you, ladies!! I am going to get myself a pair of these... I don't have very good balance and was afraid I would fall. Which could still happen, but wouldn't be the 1st time I have fallen in public, so it will be fine :-)
ReplyDelete