***Get back up when life throws you.***
***Keep asking questions and seeking the answers.***
***Trust the knowledge to be there when you need it.***
-Instant Karma
Fuck. Ran over to Target this evening to pick up my new scrip. Remember last week when I went to refill my daily tummy meds and it was going to cost me $577.00 ???? Well... it took me a few days to be able to even deal with it and address the problem. Yes, I DO realize that has become a pattern for me. Anyhoo, my GI doc is wonderful and knows my whole situation. David was a patient of his too, so he knows everything. He had 3 assistants working on this issue for me Thursday and yesterday. He switched me to a different drug that's a lot cheaper. You know what's fucked up? About a year ago, I had to switch from THAT drug to the one that costs $577 because my FORMER insurance company said IT was too expensive. I fucking HATE pharmaceutical companies. You cannot begin to imagine the way they throw money around on ridiculous extravagances and kick-backs to doctors, all the while, people are literally DYING because they can't afford their meds. It makes my flesh crawl. So I get to the pharmacy, and the new scrip I got is still going to cost me $216.00. That's $216 a MONTH people. What the fuck am I gonna do??? Every time I feel like I've made the tiniest bit of progress, something like this happens. It's like someone's trying to tell me... "hey, not so fast! No WAY will you make it through this shit!" Ugh!!!!! I got a part time job, but I don't make squat. I FINALLY got health insurance, but it doesn't cover DICK. You may be wondering why I don't just get a FULL TIME job that has benefits and be done with it. There are a number of reasons, the most important of which is that Rory NEEDS me to be here when he gets home from school. That kid is SO incredibly fragile right now... being here to meet the bus every day is a non-negotiable. Let's also remember that I have very little in the way of marketable skills. It took me 4 solid months of searching EVERY DAY to get the job I have now. I don't think finding a full time position would be any easier. And then there's the fact that I'm only allowed to make a certain amount of money before they start taking away my SSI Death Benefits. The fact is, I'm pretty much fucked six ways til Sunday. I see NO light at the end of this tunnel... I see NO way to stay in our home... I see NO way to even pay our monthly living expenses. Even with every single extra little thing cut out, we don't have near enough.
I hate this.
I hate this.
I hate this.
I HATE THIS!!!!!!
S
Trying to survive and thrive, through the most difficult time in my life.
22 January 2011
Just another morning in my office...
***Express gratitude for life's riches on a regular basis.***
***Take it easy on yourself when you cannot make something happen.***
***Learn to make peace with whatever is present.***
-Instant Karma
Yep... hangin' in my mobile office once again. Reilly has a Cotillion event this morning... skating at the outdoor rink in Reston. Bummer for him... it's only 17 degrees this morning!!! Ouch!!! Oh well... better him than me. At least I'm toasty in my car. :0)
I went with Finn yesterday afternoon to drop of the kids with their mom. What sould have been a 45 minute exercise... MAX... ended up taking HOURS. That idiot girl has GOT to be the most irresponsible jack-ass on earth. She keeps him waiting EVERY time. He has vowed to never meet up with her again... to insist that she come to our house to get the kids... but he's such a sweetheart that he wants to help her out and always seems to relent. I guess it makes me mental because WE are the ones raising the kids... feeding them, clothing them, etc., and she doesn't contribute ONE RED CENT. Grrrrr.... she claims that she's using this time to 'get her life together', yet she's working part-time... 18 whopping hours a week. Hellloooooo..... go get a second job and bust some ass, girl! Ugh!!!! I'm raising 4 kids, working part time AND trying to find a second job. She's got NOTHING but free time... get busy, biznatch!!! What a fuckin' tool.
I'm SO not looking forward to Tuesday... the Shareholder's Meeting at SDSI. I'd rather have my toenails ripped off one at a time. I just got a lovely $2000 bill from my attorneys, and now I need to pay 500 bucks an hour to have this guy at the meeting with me. Well, he doesn't HAVE to be there, but it certainly makes sense to have him with me. If the shares end up being worth nothing, then I'll just be pissing in the wind. BUT, if by some miracle there is a payout offer, the VERY best thing I can do is have representation present.
Speaking of attorneys, I HAVE to get in touch with the medical malpractive guy and get the ball rolling with the UVA case. I haven't done it yet because frankly, it's another thing that makes me want to gouge out my eyeballs with a spoon. Hmmmm.... it certainly seems that most, if not all, of this death business is positively heinous and makes me want to go hide in a cave. And this weekend I'm going to have to FORCE myself to gather as much of the loan mod info as I possibly can. They've given me a deadline of February 10th to get everything submitted... no clue how I'll make that happen. I wish I had someone that could walk me through all of this, or better yet, do it FOR me... it's all just so hard to face. That probably sounds pretty stupid, but it's a fact.
I also just got ANOTHER bill from the County Commisioner's office... some shit relating to the 'estate'. They have figured out a bazillion ways to collect money. It's fuckin gross. I also have another court date looming.... the second one in my capacity of Estate Administrator. I got something in the mail yesterday addressed to "Shannon Streight, Estate Executrix". Eeeew... that makes me sound like a dom!!!
No real plans for the weekend. I know Finn wants to make more progress on the jeep... he's getting really close to being able to post it for sale. We also might have a buyer for the Mercedes. It's been quite a struggle... we can't seem to get anyone to offer more than $4000. David bought it for $5100 and I was REALLY hoping to get that much out of it, but it looks like that isn't gonna happen. I'm holing firm at $4500 cash, so we'll see. Cross your fingers... especially since that money is already spent... attorney fees, etc. I'm hoping to get to the touch-up painting in Reilly's room and mancave. We got the cave all set up last weekend and it looks really cool. The major determining factor will be his attitude. I'm NOT going to do it by myself... he needs to participate, or he can go screw. That's exactly why it has yet to be completed. The combo of his apathetic attitude, the way he continues to live like a pig, and the shitty way he treated me and spoke to me the LAST time I helped him... so it has continued to be unfinished.
Have I mentioned that sometimes I want to fucking MURDER my dogs? Generally, it's only one at a time who's the target of my homicidal fantasies. Right now it's Kirby. I don't know what the fuck was going on with him last night, but he started barking at 3 a.m. He has a very specific, sharp bark when he wants either out or in. He and Lola sleep together in a crate, and he was WIGGIN. I finally had to go down and let him out, which means I had to let ALL of them out. If one goes, the rest get jealous and start whining and barking. What a bunch of babies!!! I ended up being awake until sometime after 4. Fuck.
Okay... I'd better skedaddle. I hope you have a lazy Saturday on the books. I'm going to try to add a link to a book... "The Bridge to Forgiveness: Stories and Prayers for Finding God" by Karyn D. Kedar. It's probably the single MOST beautiful and uplifting collection of stories I've ever come across. It definitely helped me to hold on to my faith during much of this journey. And later, it helped me find my way BACK... but meeting Finn is what really sealed the deal for me. It's true... when he came into my life, I started to believe in God again. :0) Me luvvvves him.
Smooches...
S
***Create beauty.***
***Be a student of life... always learning.***
***You don't have all the time in the world, so don't waste it.***
-Instant Karma
***Take it easy on yourself when you cannot make something happen.***
***Learn to make peace with whatever is present.***
-Instant Karma
Yep... hangin' in my mobile office once again. Reilly has a Cotillion event this morning... skating at the outdoor rink in Reston. Bummer for him... it's only 17 degrees this morning!!! Ouch!!! Oh well... better him than me. At least I'm toasty in my car. :0)
I went with Finn yesterday afternoon to drop of the kids with their mom. What sould have been a 45 minute exercise... MAX... ended up taking HOURS. That idiot girl has GOT to be the most irresponsible jack-ass on earth. She keeps him waiting EVERY time. He has vowed to never meet up with her again... to insist that she come to our house to get the kids... but he's such a sweetheart that he wants to help her out and always seems to relent. I guess it makes me mental because WE are the ones raising the kids... feeding them, clothing them, etc., and she doesn't contribute ONE RED CENT. Grrrrr.... she claims that she's using this time to 'get her life together', yet she's working part-time... 18 whopping hours a week. Hellloooooo..... go get a second job and bust some ass, girl! Ugh!!!! I'm raising 4 kids, working part time AND trying to find a second job. She's got NOTHING but free time... get busy, biznatch!!! What a fuckin' tool.
I'm SO not looking forward to Tuesday... the Shareholder's Meeting at SDSI. I'd rather have my toenails ripped off one at a time. I just got a lovely $2000 bill from my attorneys, and now I need to pay 500 bucks an hour to have this guy at the meeting with me. Well, he doesn't HAVE to be there, but it certainly makes sense to have him with me. If the shares end up being worth nothing, then I'll just be pissing in the wind. BUT, if by some miracle there is a payout offer, the VERY best thing I can do is have representation present.
Speaking of attorneys, I HAVE to get in touch with the medical malpractive guy and get the ball rolling with the UVA case. I haven't done it yet because frankly, it's another thing that makes me want to gouge out my eyeballs with a spoon. Hmmmm.... it certainly seems that most, if not all, of this death business is positively heinous and makes me want to go hide in a cave. And this weekend I'm going to have to FORCE myself to gather as much of the loan mod info as I possibly can. They've given me a deadline of February 10th to get everything submitted... no clue how I'll make that happen. I wish I had someone that could walk me through all of this, or better yet, do it FOR me... it's all just so hard to face. That probably sounds pretty stupid, but it's a fact.
I also just got ANOTHER bill from the County Commisioner's office... some shit relating to the 'estate'. They have figured out a bazillion ways to collect money. It's fuckin gross. I also have another court date looming.... the second one in my capacity of Estate Administrator. I got something in the mail yesterday addressed to "Shannon Streight, Estate Executrix". Eeeew... that makes me sound like a dom!!!
No real plans for the weekend. I know Finn wants to make more progress on the jeep... he's getting really close to being able to post it for sale. We also might have a buyer for the Mercedes. It's been quite a struggle... we can't seem to get anyone to offer more than $4000. David bought it for $5100 and I was REALLY hoping to get that much out of it, but it looks like that isn't gonna happen. I'm holing firm at $4500 cash, so we'll see. Cross your fingers... especially since that money is already spent... attorney fees, etc. I'm hoping to get to the touch-up painting in Reilly's room and mancave. We got the cave all set up last weekend and it looks really cool. The major determining factor will be his attitude. I'm NOT going to do it by myself... he needs to participate, or he can go screw. That's exactly why it has yet to be completed. The combo of his apathetic attitude, the way he continues to live like a pig, and the shitty way he treated me and spoke to me the LAST time I helped him... so it has continued to be unfinished.
Have I mentioned that sometimes I want to fucking MURDER my dogs? Generally, it's only one at a time who's the target of my homicidal fantasies. Right now it's Kirby. I don't know what the fuck was going on with him last night, but he started barking at 3 a.m. He has a very specific, sharp bark when he wants either out or in. He and Lola sleep together in a crate, and he was WIGGIN. I finally had to go down and let him out, which means I had to let ALL of them out. If one goes, the rest get jealous and start whining and barking. What a bunch of babies!!! I ended up being awake until sometime after 4. Fuck.
Okay... I'd better skedaddle. I hope you have a lazy Saturday on the books. I'm going to try to add a link to a book... "The Bridge to Forgiveness: Stories and Prayers for Finding God" by Karyn D. Kedar. It's probably the single MOST beautiful and uplifting collection of stories I've ever come across. It definitely helped me to hold on to my faith during much of this journey. And later, it helped me find my way BACK... but meeting Finn is what really sealed the deal for me. It's true... when he came into my life, I started to believe in God again. :0) Me luvvvves him.
Smooches...
S
***Create beauty.***
***Be a student of life... always learning.***
***You don't have all the time in the world, so don't waste it.***
-Instant Karma
21 January 2011
Really???
***Accept your experiences, even the ones you hate.***
***We can all do much more than we think, but first we have to believe it.***
***Try to make yourself laugh even when you see little to laugh about.***
-Instant Karma
So I'm going along yesterday, spending a great deal of time on the phone with Comfort Zone Camp, getting them all of the info they need to get the boys set up for their weekend of bereavement camp. Just being a good citizen, going about my business... and I get pulled over. My stupid fucking registration is out of date... haven't had a chance to deal with it. Shit. Oh well... it happens. Well holy fuckin shitballs.... this deputy was a PRICK to the tenth degree. Seriously... he didn't even take 5 seconds to assess the situation and maybe see how I would react. He marched up to my car and immediately spoke to me like I was a convicted child rapist. UNBELIEVABLE. Trust me, I GET it. My tags are dead and I deserve a ticket. But is it REALLY necessary to be a giant, oozing bag of pus??? I have enormous respect for police officers. My Uncle John... one of my favorite people on earth... was a cop for many years. I have quite a number of friends who are married to cops or deputy sheriffs. The point is, me luvvvvves the bacon! I couldn't have been any more pleasant or respectful, and this guy was just intent on being the worst example of a sheriff's deputy that he possibly could. It's assbags like him that give cops a bad name. What a DOUCHEBAG!!! Stupid dick.
I headed home and got busy doing some serious cleaning. Never my favorite thing, but it IS very satisfying to see the finished product. I have more to do today. What am I saying??? I ALWAYS have more to do... the cycle of cleaning never ends. How could it? 6 people... including a toddler and a disgusting teenager... and 8 animals. It's a losing battle. But I'll keep on keepin on.
Rory's grief group last night was a smashing success. He came out of there laughing and skipping... happier than he's been in quite a while. Can I tell you how much I love and appreciate Life With Cancer and their AMAZING programs???? Speaking of which...SUPER BONUS... after months of requests, they are going to start a new Parenting Alone Support Group for us. It will be held at the same time that the kids are in group, and will be facilitated by Saundra Weller... the incredible & fabulous social worker who facilitated the Caregiver's Support Group I used to attend. I'm SO excited!!!! I have missed my support group more than you can possibly imagine and am REALLY looking forward to working with Saundra again.
The cancer train keeps rolling right along. There were 2 new kids at group last night. One of them lost his dad in October. The other's dad just died the day after Christmas. Motherfucker. It never ends. The woman whose husband died in October was visibly shaken. I hadn't even been introduced to her yet, but I walked across the room and asked if I could hug her. She dissolved into sobs in my arms. It felt so good to be there for her. Some of the most profound moments I've experienced along this journey have been at the hands of complete strangers. Once, a woman working at the Piercing Pagoda reached across the counter and hugged me. Another time, a woman in Robeks hugged me and held my hand. And then there was Bruce, a guy who works at the club, who asked me to come to his office and pray with him. You will never know what ONE TINY act of kindness could mean to someone. I guess the message is, don't be afraid to reach out to someone, even if you don't know them. Your acknowledgement of their pain could be the ONE thing that helps them to survive one more day.
If you have time, please peruse the new links I've added to the site. Hellogrief.org is an amazing site. Even if you haven't experienced a significant loss, it might give you some insight as to what we're going through, or how to help people in your life that are grieving. So many people have said to me "oh, people just don't know what to say" or "they don't know how to act around you". I understand that, but I no longer accept it. Get fucking educated. Witnessing and actually acknowledging someone's grief is one of the most powerful things you can do for them.
Wishing you all a happy day and a lazy weekend. :0)
xoxo
S
***If you know someone who is going through a difficult time, do something...anything... to let them know you care.***
***Make sure your friends know you accept them as they are.***
***Be courageous enough to be open and receptive to different possibilities.***
-Instant Karma
***We can all do much more than we think, but first we have to believe it.***
***Try to make yourself laugh even when you see little to laugh about.***
-Instant Karma
So I'm going along yesterday, spending a great deal of time on the phone with Comfort Zone Camp, getting them all of the info they need to get the boys set up for their weekend of bereavement camp. Just being a good citizen, going about my business... and I get pulled over. My stupid fucking registration is out of date... haven't had a chance to deal with it. Shit. Oh well... it happens. Well holy fuckin shitballs.... this deputy was a PRICK to the tenth degree. Seriously... he didn't even take 5 seconds to assess the situation and maybe see how I would react. He marched up to my car and immediately spoke to me like I was a convicted child rapist. UNBELIEVABLE. Trust me, I GET it. My tags are dead and I deserve a ticket. But is it REALLY necessary to be a giant, oozing bag of pus??? I have enormous respect for police officers. My Uncle John... one of my favorite people on earth... was a cop for many years. I have quite a number of friends who are married to cops or deputy sheriffs. The point is, me luvvvvves the bacon! I couldn't have been any more pleasant or respectful, and this guy was just intent on being the worst example of a sheriff's deputy that he possibly could. It's assbags like him that give cops a bad name. What a DOUCHEBAG!!! Stupid dick.
I headed home and got busy doing some serious cleaning. Never my favorite thing, but it IS very satisfying to see the finished product. I have more to do today. What am I saying??? I ALWAYS have more to do... the cycle of cleaning never ends. How could it? 6 people... including a toddler and a disgusting teenager... and 8 animals. It's a losing battle. But I'll keep on keepin on.
Rory's grief group last night was a smashing success. He came out of there laughing and skipping... happier than he's been in quite a while. Can I tell you how much I love and appreciate Life With Cancer and their AMAZING programs???? Speaking of which...SUPER BONUS... after months of requests, they are going to start a new Parenting Alone Support Group for us. It will be held at the same time that the kids are in group, and will be facilitated by Saundra Weller... the incredible & fabulous social worker who facilitated the Caregiver's Support Group I used to attend. I'm SO excited!!!! I have missed my support group more than you can possibly imagine and am REALLY looking forward to working with Saundra again.
The cancer train keeps rolling right along. There were 2 new kids at group last night. One of them lost his dad in October. The other's dad just died the day after Christmas. Motherfucker. It never ends. The woman whose husband died in October was visibly shaken. I hadn't even been introduced to her yet, but I walked across the room and asked if I could hug her. She dissolved into sobs in my arms. It felt so good to be there for her. Some of the most profound moments I've experienced along this journey have been at the hands of complete strangers. Once, a woman working at the Piercing Pagoda reached across the counter and hugged me. Another time, a woman in Robeks hugged me and held my hand. And then there was Bruce, a guy who works at the club, who asked me to come to his office and pray with him. You will never know what ONE TINY act of kindness could mean to someone. I guess the message is, don't be afraid to reach out to someone, even if you don't know them. Your acknowledgement of their pain could be the ONE thing that helps them to survive one more day.
If you have time, please peruse the new links I've added to the site. Hellogrief.org is an amazing site. Even if you haven't experienced a significant loss, it might give you some insight as to what we're going through, or how to help people in your life that are grieving. So many people have said to me "oh, people just don't know what to say" or "they don't know how to act around you". I understand that, but I no longer accept it. Get fucking educated. Witnessing and actually acknowledging someone's grief is one of the most powerful things you can do for them.
Wishing you all a happy day and a lazy weekend. :0)
xoxo
S
***If you know someone who is going through a difficult time, do something...anything... to let them know you care.***
***Make sure your friends know you accept them as they are.***
***Be courageous enough to be open and receptive to different possibilities.***
-Instant Karma
20 January 2011
Trying again...
***Accept praise and believe it as fast as you believe a criticism.***
***Believe that life is worth living.***
***Drag yourself out of your sloth.***
-Instant Karma
Okay. It's another day, and I'm trying again. It really doesn't help that I had nightmares ALL night about that hideous skank whore. They were all about how the boys wanted to spend time with her, and for THEM, I made it happen. Of course, in my dreams she was just HORRIBLE to me and the boys absolutely ADORED her. Ugh. It's crazy the places our subconscious will go, isn't it?
Today I'm giving myself permission to be a mostly lazy pile o' goo. I'm going to do some deep cleaning for a couple hours, and then I plan to eat my lunch and climb into bed for a nap. I'm already looking forward to it.
I just applied for 2 more positions with the schools. These parent liaison spots keep opening up... if those fuckin mungwads had hired MOI in the FIRST place, they wouldn't be having this problem. I'm not gonna hold my breath, but there's no harm in applying, is there?
We had a nice evening last night... fun family dinner and then the kids all played like nutjobs. To hear Reilly tell it, he HATES having Finn & the kids in the house. Hmmmm..... interesting. We all have dinner together every night and he's been supremely chatty and pleasant of late. Add to THAT, HE'S been playing with the kids every night. He's even started to soften to Leighanna and is making an extra effort to be goofy with her. Yeah.... he's MISERABLE. Teenaged pain in my ass. He's riding the bus home with his friend Julia today to study for their geometry exam tomorrow. She's one of the kids in the family that has 10... I just LOVE them... they're darling. Her mom Lisa even offered to drive Reilly home, as I'll be with the wee one at his grief group tonight. So far... knock on wood... he's done great on his exams and has even brought up his 2 lowest grades. He's been struggling with geometry all year, but has pulled himself up to a B. Nice! A good grade on tomorrow's exam would help pull it up even more. He's been butting heads with his English teacher and basically stopped turning in work for a while. Idiot. When the interims came home, he saw how far his grade had plummeted, and has since been doing extra work to pull it back up. He's slowly learning that he has to plan ahead, stay on top of things and be responsible. I think it may actually sink in one of these days.
I'm waiting for a call from the intake coordinator at Comfort Zone Camp. They like to do a phone interview to make sure your kids are appropriate candidates for the bereavement camp. Are you fucking KIDDING me??? NO other kids on the face of this earth need that camp more than mine do right now. I AM a bit worried about Rory and his separation anxiety though. He seems to be wrestling more with anger and sadness with each passing day, and has a VERY hard time being away from me. He doesn't even like it when I'm at work. And keep in mind, I'm only working WHILE he's in school... but just the thought that I'm somewhere other than home is upsetting to him. Any chance I've ever mentioned how much I fucking DETEST cancer and the way that it's fallout CONTINUES to hurt my boys?!?!?!?!?! Fucking disgusting, insideous disease.
Better go. Gots to clean. What else is new?
Love ya...
S
***Hey To.... just FYI, Costco has Skechers Shape Ups for 50 bucks. They're not the super shmancy ones, but they DO have colors other than white! Maybe a Valentine idea for Cook? :0)
***Honor the specialness of family times spent together.***
***Live intentionally.***
***Love many things.***
-Instant Karma
***Believe that life is worth living.***
***Drag yourself out of your sloth.***
-Instant Karma
Okay. It's another day, and I'm trying again. It really doesn't help that I had nightmares ALL night about that hideous skank whore. They were all about how the boys wanted to spend time with her, and for THEM, I made it happen. Of course, in my dreams she was just HORRIBLE to me and the boys absolutely ADORED her. Ugh. It's crazy the places our subconscious will go, isn't it?
Today I'm giving myself permission to be a mostly lazy pile o' goo. I'm going to do some deep cleaning for a couple hours, and then I plan to eat my lunch and climb into bed for a nap. I'm already looking forward to it.
I just applied for 2 more positions with the schools. These parent liaison spots keep opening up... if those fuckin mungwads had hired MOI in the FIRST place, they wouldn't be having this problem. I'm not gonna hold my breath, but there's no harm in applying, is there?
We had a nice evening last night... fun family dinner and then the kids all played like nutjobs. To hear Reilly tell it, he HATES having Finn & the kids in the house. Hmmmm..... interesting. We all have dinner together every night and he's been supremely chatty and pleasant of late. Add to THAT, HE'S been playing with the kids every night. He's even started to soften to Leighanna and is making an extra effort to be goofy with her. Yeah.... he's MISERABLE. Teenaged pain in my ass. He's riding the bus home with his friend Julia today to study for their geometry exam tomorrow. She's one of the kids in the family that has 10... I just LOVE them... they're darling. Her mom Lisa even offered to drive Reilly home, as I'll be with the wee one at his grief group tonight. So far... knock on wood... he's done great on his exams and has even brought up his 2 lowest grades. He's been struggling with geometry all year, but has pulled himself up to a B. Nice! A good grade on tomorrow's exam would help pull it up even more. He's been butting heads with his English teacher and basically stopped turning in work for a while. Idiot. When the interims came home, he saw how far his grade had plummeted, and has since been doing extra work to pull it back up. He's slowly learning that he has to plan ahead, stay on top of things and be responsible. I think it may actually sink in one of these days.
I'm waiting for a call from the intake coordinator at Comfort Zone Camp. They like to do a phone interview to make sure your kids are appropriate candidates for the bereavement camp. Are you fucking KIDDING me??? NO other kids on the face of this earth need that camp more than mine do right now. I AM a bit worried about Rory and his separation anxiety though. He seems to be wrestling more with anger and sadness with each passing day, and has a VERY hard time being away from me. He doesn't even like it when I'm at work. And keep in mind, I'm only working WHILE he's in school... but just the thought that I'm somewhere other than home is upsetting to him. Any chance I've ever mentioned how much I fucking DETEST cancer and the way that it's fallout CONTINUES to hurt my boys?!?!?!?!?! Fucking disgusting, insideous disease.
Better go. Gots to clean. What else is new?
Love ya...
S
***Hey To.... just FYI, Costco has Skechers Shape Ups for 50 bucks. They're not the super shmancy ones, but they DO have colors other than white! Maybe a Valentine idea for Cook? :0)
***Honor the specialness of family times spent together.***
***Live intentionally.***
***Love many things.***
-Instant Karma
19 January 2011
Check It Out...
Hey there... I just posted the link to Camp Kesem. It's on the right under "These Sites Mean Mucho to Shan". I put it up for a couple of reasons... first of all, my boys are featured prominently on the new flyer. Verrry cool. Second, there is a place on their page to click if you'd like to donate. Remember that both Camp Kesem and Comfort Zone are supported completely by donations, and all campers get to attend for free. Both are non-profit organizations that will supply you with documentation for your tax records. So if you're feeling generous, head on over and toss 'em a few bucks, will ya?
The other things I wanted to mention are the ads placed around my site. Again, I'm not telling them what to advertise... they read the content and put up ads that they believe are relevant. The program I'm using now is one designated as 'pay per click'. That means, every time one of my readers clicks an ad, I get a lil somethin'. You don't have to buy anything.... just click on the ads. As Rory would say, "easy peasy, lemon squeezy".
Gotta put the munchkin to bed. He's REALLY struggling and could use your thoughts and prayers. His grief group is finally meeting again tomorrow night, and he needs it more than you can imagine.
Later...
S
xoxo
The other things I wanted to mention are the ads placed around my site. Again, I'm not telling them what to advertise... they read the content and put up ads that they believe are relevant. The program I'm using now is one designated as 'pay per click'. That means, every time one of my readers clicks an ad, I get a lil somethin'. You don't have to buy anything.... just click on the ads. As Rory would say, "easy peasy, lemon squeezy".
Gotta put the munchkin to bed. He's REALLY struggling and could use your thoughts and prayers. His grief group is finally meeting again tomorrow night, and he needs it more than you can imagine.
Later...
S
xoxo
Another day...
It's Wednesday. Whoop de fuckin doo. The kids are back to school today. I have to say, they did a great job while I was at work yesterday. I was afraid the house would be trashed upon my return, but they had actually done as I asked and cleaned up after themselves. This fuckin school system is so stupid... it's exam week for the high school students. Since they missed yesterday, now they'll have school on Monday... which had been scheduled as a school holiday... and then they'll have Tuesday off. WHAT???? Just give us the damn 3 day weekend! Whatever. I don't get it.
My sweet Finn cooked dinner again last night. What an angel. That freed me up to clean, which is a never-ending process in our house. I think the kids must have had a little TOO much fun yesterday, because they were all screamin' banshees by 7:15. Fuck that... we had 'em all in bed by 7:45. Nice. I continued to excavate in the laundry room & Finn spent hours working on his extra jeep. He wants to sell that baby asap. We NEEDS the cash! You wouldn't believe how talented he is... yes, he's great with the mechanics of it all, but he's also AMAZING with bodywork. I'm blown away by the shit he's done just in our garage. It doesn't hurt that I happen to own every single thing necessary to open up my own shop. Seriously. I had NO idea the car-related shit David had acquired. The bozo couldn't do much more than change oil, but he outfitted the place like he was building cars from the ground up. Finn has discovered all of this stuff just by poking around in the garage. Crazy. At least it's all finally being put to good use and may actually help us bring in some money.
He continues to look for new jobs... there are several positions open for mechanics with Loudoun County Public Schools. That would be PERFECT for him, but we all know how hard it is to get IN with the fuckin school system. Cross your fingers, say a prayer, whatever.... much better pay, better hours & great benefits. PLUS, it's what he REALLY wants to do.
I'm still applying for jobs too. It's pretty clear that this one ain't gonna cut it. I don't want to leave there, but maybe I can pick up something else too. I still really want to start taking classes too, but I don't see how that will possibly fit into the schedule. And seriously, if I was able to go to nursing school FULL TIME, it would still take me 2 solid years. Piece mealing it one class at a time will take about a century. Not terribly appealing.
I finally had a quick visit with the oncology nurses yesterday. I sure have missed them and they were over the moon to get some of my treats.
I had time to post Rory's PumpJama party pics on Shutterfly last night... very cute, so go take a look.
I have a few minutes before heading to work... think I'll peruse the job listings. Ugh.
S
My sweet Finn cooked dinner again last night. What an angel. That freed me up to clean, which is a never-ending process in our house. I think the kids must have had a little TOO much fun yesterday, because they were all screamin' banshees by 7:15. Fuck that... we had 'em all in bed by 7:45. Nice. I continued to excavate in the laundry room & Finn spent hours working on his extra jeep. He wants to sell that baby asap. We NEEDS the cash! You wouldn't believe how talented he is... yes, he's great with the mechanics of it all, but he's also AMAZING with bodywork. I'm blown away by the shit he's done just in our garage. It doesn't hurt that I happen to own every single thing necessary to open up my own shop. Seriously. I had NO idea the car-related shit David had acquired. The bozo couldn't do much more than change oil, but he outfitted the place like he was building cars from the ground up. Finn has discovered all of this stuff just by poking around in the garage. Crazy. At least it's all finally being put to good use and may actually help us bring in some money.
He continues to look for new jobs... there are several positions open for mechanics with Loudoun County Public Schools. That would be PERFECT for him, but we all know how hard it is to get IN with the fuckin school system. Cross your fingers, say a prayer, whatever.... much better pay, better hours & great benefits. PLUS, it's what he REALLY wants to do.
I'm still applying for jobs too. It's pretty clear that this one ain't gonna cut it. I don't want to leave there, but maybe I can pick up something else too. I still really want to start taking classes too, but I don't see how that will possibly fit into the schedule. And seriously, if I was able to go to nursing school FULL TIME, it would still take me 2 solid years. Piece mealing it one class at a time will take about a century. Not terribly appealing.
I finally had a quick visit with the oncology nurses yesterday. I sure have missed them and they were over the moon to get some of my treats.
I had time to post Rory's PumpJama party pics on Shutterfly last night... very cute, so go take a look.
I have a few minutes before heading to work... think I'll peruse the job listings. Ugh.
S
Cute boyz.
Diggin' his cake.
Go Rory!
18 January 2011
Hating this...
No school today. We had a small ice storm overnight that fucked up the roads pretty badly. So, I had to leave Reilly in charge of Rory & Leilei... Good god... I hope there's no blood spatter when I get home. I was driving in this morning when I realized that this is the first time since I've been a mom, that I didn't get to stay home and enjoy a snowday with the kids... jammies, a fire, movies & hot cocoa. We'd usually bake something too. I have to tell you, it fuckin pisses me off. I'm sure I wouldn't be AS upset if I felt it was actually worth my time to haul balls all the way down here... but for what I'm earning, and all that I'm DOING for that pissy little paycheck... uh, no. It's really too bad, because I DO enjoy this office and it's all busywork, which I've always enjoyed. But just seeing how little I'm actually earning versus how hard I'm working... kinda takes the shine off the whole thing.
Yes... I'm at work as I write this. I shouldn't be writing, but I can't focus. My guts are tied up in knots... worried about money mostly, but other things too. Super bonus? I'm back to binge eating again. Fabulous. I haven't done that since I was taking care of David. We all know how THAT turned out... I blew up like a fuckin sow. I REALLY don't want to do that again, but I can't seem to stop myself. The stress is SO great... I don't even know what the connection is. I just eat & eat... And then I feel even WORSE about myself. Huh. Who knew THAT was possible?
Gotta go. Hope you're in a better mood than I am.
S
Yes... I'm at work as I write this. I shouldn't be writing, but I can't focus. My guts are tied up in knots... worried about money mostly, but other things too. Super bonus? I'm back to binge eating again. Fabulous. I haven't done that since I was taking care of David. We all know how THAT turned out... I blew up like a fuckin sow. I REALLY don't want to do that again, but I can't seem to stop myself. The stress is SO great... I don't even know what the connection is. I just eat & eat... And then I feel even WORSE about myself. Huh. Who knew THAT was possible?
Gotta go. Hope you're in a better mood than I am.
S
17 January 2011
I should have stayed in bed...
What a fuckin shit day. I should have known it was going to blow chunks. Finn was OFF today and I'M the one who had to work. I busted ass and did a great job... again... all the while, earning the praise of the office manager. Good, right? Yeah.... that is, until I was handed my first paycheck. All I can say is... PATHETIC. And they aren't even withholding anything yet... it's just THAT small. Fucking humiliating. Let's see.... that wee check will make a dent in about, oh I don't know... NOTHING!!! I don't know if you guys have these out west, but around here, every other business these days has a 'sign spinner'. These people literally stand on street corners and flip & spin signs to try to get customers into their stores. I make LESS than sign spinners do. Seriously. A fucking retarded monkey could do that job. My job isn't brain surgery, but it does require a measurable IQ, the ability to multi-task, handle patients, etc. How fucking crazy is it that I could make MORE spinning a stupid sign????
Yet more evidence that I am destined to be screwed up the ass, over and over again, without benefit of lube: went to pick up 2 scrips at Target. One of them comes in a GINORNOUS bottle & I hadn't refilled it since I switched insurance. A one month supply.... $577.00 out of my pocket. Nope... that's NOT a typo. Needless to say, I did NOT take the meds. No biggie though.... it's only my MOST important tummy med that keeps me from being horrendously I'll every single day of my life. Not sure exactly WHY I'm paying for health insurance... it doesn't seem to do dick for me.
Definitely one of those days I'd like to climb inside a hefty bag, breathe deeply once, and die.
Fuck this.
Yet more evidence that I am destined to be screwed up the ass, over and over again, without benefit of lube: went to pick up 2 scrips at Target. One of them comes in a GINORNOUS bottle & I hadn't refilled it since I switched insurance. A one month supply.... $577.00 out of my pocket. Nope... that's NOT a typo. Needless to say, I did NOT take the meds. No biggie though.... it's only my MOST important tummy med that keeps me from being horrendously I'll every single day of my life. Not sure exactly WHY I'm paying for health insurance... it doesn't seem to do dick for me.
Definitely one of those days I'd like to climb inside a hefty bag, breathe deeply once, and die.
Fuck this.
Kid Party... check.
Fun in the moon bounce.
Lovin' my guy.
The famous pretzels.
Yo noodles... happy Monday. Not much time to write this morning... I made some goodies for my oncology nurse peeps and want to stop over there on my way to work. Rory's party was mostly a success. There werem't many kids... when I booked it, I completely forgot that it's a holiday weekend. Everyone and their brother around here has a vacation home... at the beach or in the mountains... so lots of 'em were out of town. Oh well. The jammie thing was really cute. Pump It Up parties are pretty common, but no one has had a PumpJama party before. The kids all thought that was pretty cool. I don't think it hurt that Finn, Reilly & I wore our jammies too. :0) Rory had a great time.... most of the time. There were a few times when he came out of one of the moon bounces and dissolved into tears, saying how much he missed Daddy and that he wished Daddy was there. Fuck. He pulled it together though, and ended up having fun. Reilly did a FAB job with the kids. They all love him anyway, and has a blast trying to beat up on him. Let's just say that they all got a great workout. :0) Finn got in too and bounced and tossed the kids around. It was really cute. I absolutely LOVE the way he interacts with the kids... and not just ours... all of them. He is such an incredible example of what a strong, fun, loving man is. After the party, Finn's mom, sister-in-law Dawn, and her 2 kids came over to the house for a while. Her son Devin is 10 and Rory DIGS him. They had a really great time running around and playing for a couple hours, so that was the cherry on top of his sundae. I have lots more pics that I'll try to get posted on shutterfly today. Just make sure to have a bib handy.... my Finn is SO darling... you'll need something to catch the drool. ;-)
One SUPER fab thing that happened on Saturday... my new Skechers Shape Ups arrived!!! Yahhhhoooooo!!!! My mamasan gave me a DSW gift card for Christmas, so I ordered tham last week and I LOVE them!!! SO cute! Gotta fly... have a good one.
xoxo
S
Oh yeah......
Me luvvvvvvves them!
Goodies for my nurse peeps. :0)
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