What's shakin?

Hey peeps... not even sure why I'm writing... I have zero interesting things to say at the moment. Finn and I both ended up playing taxi last night. He shlepped his kids through heinous traffic to Gaithersburg, and Rory & I picked up Rei and his friends after the basketball games... dropped a couple of them in Purcellville & then took Rei & Austen to Austen's. I thought it was pretty fuckin' fab of me, seeing as though Austen lives 3 miles past East Jesus.  Yeah... had to go fetch the yard ape this morning, and now he's telling me that he wants to go back over there. Nice dick-over, as I specifically told him yesterday that I'd need him to watch Rory tonight. My mamasan sent us all a bunch of Valentine treats, and Finn & I got gift cards for dinner and a movie. Hellllooooo date night!!! I just wish the kid would lay off... he's giving me a VERY hard time, and I DO NOT appreciate it. I've been bending over backwards to make sure he gets to hang with his friends, go to games, etc. Just let me have a couple hours with my Finn!!!! Yes... teenagers are completely egocentric... I get it. But I don't have to like it!!!


See? Nothing of note to say. Guess I'll wrap it up. Enjoy your Saturday. :0)


S

Baby, it's COLD outside!!!

Hey monkeys.... sooooo glad it's Friday. :0) I didn't end up getting to my errands today. My tummy episode isn't quite over & I had to turn around and head home. There's always plenty of shiz that needs doing around here, but I couldn't manage that either... had to lay down. Oh well... trying not to feel guilty about being such a lazy fuck. There's nothing I can do though... just have to take it easy until my gut gets itself back in line. I always forget how awful it feels when I'm lucky enough to go a long time between these nasty episodes. I hope this will be the last one for a while. 


My sweet Finn is heading out the door. :( He's only been home about an hour, and now he's off again. Booooooo!!! He's taking the kids up to Gaithersburg to their great grandma's again. Their own mother isn't interested in having them this weekend, and Finn had actually planned to keep 'em home. And then came the call from grandma.... she demanded he bring the kids to her tonight, and you don't say no to grandma! She's 87, but she'll whoop your ass! So now he'll be gone for a few hours driving up and back. Me no likey!!! We could have gone along, but it wouldn't be much fun for Rory to spend 3 hours in the car. Reilly is at school watching the final basketball games of the season, and then heading to his friend Austen's for a sleepover. I wish I had one for Rory... then we'd be kid-free!!! Damn. Maybe next time. 


Yes Miss ToJo... you are correct in assuming that Finn is the love of my life... no question... not a doubt in my mind... absofuckinlutely the one. I positively adore him... in every way. He's sweet, funny, happy, smart, loving and a wonderful dad. And let's not forget that he's gorgeous and sexy as hell. I love his goofy redneck speak and I really love that he makes fun of, and can laugh at himself. He makes me feel safe. He makes me feel special. He treats me like an absolute queen, and you wouldn't believe the incredibly beautiful things he says to me everyday. 


There was a long time when I was pretty sure I'd be alone for the rest of my life. Once I started dating, it was just for fun... something to keep me busy since the boys spent SO much time with David. I never, ever, in a gazillion years thought I'd meet someone that I'd want to marry. I remember telling Dr. V flat out that I would NEVER marry again. Hmmmmm.... but I sure wasn't counting on an angel known as Finn to come into my life. Me luvvvvvvvves him. :0) 


So, it looks like it'll be a quiet evening at home for Rory and me. He's playing on the floor in my room as I write this... I love listening to him... he's always had such a great imagination. And he is SO funny! That kid can seriously make me laugh. And I definitely enjoy this version much more than the one that was on display this morning... we had another rough start today and it was NOT pretty. 


Some boxes of Valentine treats arrived from my mamasan today... maybe we'll go take a peek in those. :0) 


xoxo
S

Friday.... finally.

Hey Bobbin.... sounds like you had a BLAST yesterday... ugh! And the dog stealing the cupcakes??? That is SO something my dogs would do... HAVE done!!! Little shits! Even my cats have been known to sneak muffins off the counter. It's a good thing we love our furry people so much, or they'd be swingin' from a tree!!! 


Yeah... the whole thing about that guy being such a prick last night... where does that COME from??? Let's not forget that his job is to be available at the HELP DESK.... but just from one human being to another... why would you talk to someone like that? I'm not tootin' my own horn here, but I can't count the number of times I've stopped or gone out of my way to see if I could help a total stranger. Isn't that how we're supposed to behave? Whatever. Clearly, there are people who've never gotten that memo. They're definitely the ones who are missing out... it always makes me feel great to be hable to help someone, even in some tiny way. And hey... ever heard of KARMA???? 


Reilly had a spectacular group last night. After it was over, he even got major kudos from both social workers about what a great job he did facilitating the meeting and helping other teens to share. I LOVE that he is so completely embracing the process. Not only is he learning and healing, but he's helping others on that path too. I made sure to sing his praises last night... telling him over and over how proud I am of him and how proud he should be of himself. He said to me, "well, that's what happens when you go to Comfort Zone... it changed my life. I was even thinking I might be a really good social worker." Holy shit. Yeah.... that one knocked my socks off. :0) They're also starting a peer grief support group at Woodgrove and he's totally jazzed about it. They're in the process of getting permission from each of the parents, allowing the students to participate. He was told there are 12 other kids interested, and he's ready to start meeting NOW. He's also still working hard to come up with fundraising ideas for Comfort Zone. It makes me so happy that he is finally looking outside of himself... methinks the countless hours I've spent getting him to and from every support group under the sun is FINALLY starting to pay off. 


They're having 2 really cool fundraisers coming up... a 10k and 1 mile fun run, and then a big gala with an auction, etc. I just wish the HQ wasn't all the way in Richmond... I'd love it if we could participate in one or both of those events. I guess we'll just have to make something happen up here. :0) If you want to read more about them, or the organization in general, please check this out: Learn about Comfort Zone!!! 


I have a little bit of running around to do this morning, then it's back to hitting the job listings. Eew. Enjoy your Friday. :0)


xoxo
S

***Acknowledge the lessons your soul needs to learn.***

***Give a smile to a stranger.***

***Thank someone for believing in you.***

-Instant Karma

Widow on the warpath...

First of all, I fucking HATE the word 'widow'.... gives me the skeeves. Rory had a great group tonight, as did I. Oh, how I've missed having a support group!!! If only it was a little longer... but it was wonderful. Next stop was to be in Ashburn to take Reilly to his group. Uh... nope. Car battery was dead. FUCK! Reilly had stayed in the car listening to music, etc., and had turned the key just enough that having his shit plugged in drained the battery. No problem. We're in the parking lot at the hospital. They have security guys patrolling constantly, so I was sure we'd be noticed with the hood up within minutes. Nope. I sent Rei over to the main building to tell someone at the security desk that we needed help, and the FUCKTARD sitting there gave him the phone number of a towing company. SERIOUSLY??? Just then, Miss Laura walked out. God bless her, she offered to take Reilly to his group. Thank you Laura!!! xoxoxo Before they left ,I went over to the main building. Let's just say, Shanny was PISSED!!!!!! There were a bunch of people milling around the desk. I waited my turn and then said, "I just sent my son in here to ask for help with our car. Are YOU the one that gave him that phone number?" The idiot replied, "uh... yeah. It's a towing company." Holy fucking shit balls.... there HAD to be steam coming out of my ears. I continued with, "my husband died in this hospital a few months ago, and now my car is sitting in front of the Radiation Oncology building so my children can attend their grief support groups. I'm all alone, it's 7:00 at night, and you're telling me that there isn't ONE security person in this facility that can help me?!?!?" And the idiot says... "someone from that towing company can help you." AAAGGGHHHH!!!!! I swear.... it was all I could do to NOT punch him in the face. Useless douche bag. Just as I was about to commit a homicide, a guy in scrubs walked up and asked if I needed a jump. Thank Christ for the kindness of strangers. 


I'm not generally one to pull the widow card, but that guy was such a fucking tool, so rude and such a plain ol' dick, that it just came out of my mouth. The guy who helped me was SO nice... he even apologized for the prick at the desk, and said he hoped I wouldn't think his attitude was indicative of the way they treat people there. Of course, I said I realized that, but that I also thought Sir Desk Dick had just gotten an invaluable lesson about NOT fucking with a pissed off widow. He laughed. :0) 


Another GINORMOUS thank you to my girl Katy for fetching Reilly after his group and driving him all the way back home.  You're an angel Katy Girl!!! I love you!!!!


One last thing before I put on the ol' jammies.... the whole job situation for Finn has clearly been on my mind a lot, and I've definitely thought about talking to Ryan. I KNOW he'd hire him in a heartbeat, but I'm fairly certain Finn would have NONE of that. He refers to Ryan as my ex-boyfriend, but I don't see him that way at all. Yes, we dated for several months, but he is my friend... a very dear friend that I plan to know for the rest of my life. Finn isn't remotely comfortable with that. He just thinks 'ex' and wonders why he's still in my life. I wish he could see it as a good thing. It's not like we had some terrible falling out, or something bad happened between us.... it just wasn't meant to be. I think it's wonderful that we're able to be friends. Now don't get your panties in a wad... I'd never do anything to hurt Finn. It's not like I sneak out for secret visits with Ryan or anything... we just talk on the phone occasionally. He's okay with that, but he still thinks it's weird. I don't know if it's because he's so young, or because he knows Ryan has money, or a combination of the two. But CLEARLY I've learned that money isn't everything, and it sure as fuck doesn't buy happiness. True, I'd be VERY happy if I had scads more of it, but you know what I mean. Shit... if I gave a fat fuck about money, I'd never have gone out with Finn in the first place. I knew he was a blue collar redneck long before we met in person. And yes, I love Ryan... I always have... as a human being. He was very good to me and brought a great deal of joy to my life during a time of real darkness. But I was never in love with him, and I can tell you without a shadow of a doubt, that I have NEVER loved anyone the way  that I love my Finn. :0) He is an angel sent to me by God, and I make sure to tell him that everyday. 


Okay... time for this girl to hit the hay. Nite nite.


xoxo
S


****Super duper love & hugs to my Dad & Miss Mary for the GORGEOUS bouquet of tulips and irises that you sent us. Thank you for the early Valentine treat... they're beautiful!!!!! 

No go on the cheap LAX stuff...

You wouldn't think I'd need to get all new equipment, would ya? Reilly's been playing for 3 years now, and has the best of the best. One guess as to who purchased all of THAT!!! He even has a beautiful, custom helmet that was almost 500 bucks. Yes... you read that correctly. (A funny aside... D bought HIMSELF all of the same top of the line shit so he could "practice more effectively with Reilly". Nice try bud.) Here's the problem... Woodgrove is a brand new school, and everyone MUST have the same, exact equipment. I'm talking from pads & helmets, all the way down to shoes, socks and practice clothes. Obviously, since Reilly's is the first class to attend, there is nothing to be handed down or bought from former players. Oh well. We were eating mac-n-cheese for years, but my mom always managed to pay for all of my cheer uniforms, camps, etc. Guess I'll have to figure it out too. See? That's where the turning tricks idea might come in handy. :0)

As for all of the debt that David accrued, I haven't the faintest fucking clue what he did with all of that money. It wouldn't surprise me at ALL if he spent it on that dirty, skank whore. She proved with her behavior that she was looking for a big pay day after he died. Maybe she was helping him spend it while he was alive. In fact, I'm SURE she was... I just don't know exactly what they spent it on, other than their many trips. I'd STILL love the opportunity to punch her in the face. Ahhh... something to dream about.

Time to get ready to head out for our groups. Have a good one.

:0)
S

Some mornings just SUCK.

Seriously rough going this morning... poor Rory... he's just in PIECES. Of course, he doesn't realize that it's all tied up with his grief, but that's exactly what's going on with him. He's bouncing back and forth between intense sadness and  outrageous angry outbursts. His antics made all of us late this morning, but at least he was calm by the time he got into class. He had also apologized to me for his behavior this morning. I made an appointment for him to see the guidance counselor today. She's great and he really responds to her, so hopefully something positive will come of that. It's also great news that his grief group meets tonight. Thank God. 


We were late enough that I had to drive Reilly to school... grrrr. Oh well. Time for us to have a one-on-one chat. He's completely pumped about lacrosse... tryouts are next week and he can't wait. I can. Mostly because I'll probably have to start turning tricks to pay for this shit. First of all, these days, you have to pay the school $200 per kid, per sport just so they can play. There's just no funding for sports anymore. And then there's all of the gear that has to be purchased. I'm looking at about 500 to 600 bucks for that. Seriously. Lacrosse equipment is not cheap. Whatever. I'll have to find it somewhere, because the kid is going to play. I'm really hoping that I'll be able to get into some sort of car pool for weekly practices, as they practice for several hours EVERY DAY. Not only do I want to keep our family routine with homework, sit-down dinners, etc as consistent as possible, but there's also grief group and soon, Rory & Leighanna will have soccer. Who's idea was it to go from 2 to 4 kids??? :0) 


Oh... here's a fun little tidbit for ya... my brother-in-law, the man/child... showed up at about 5 yesterday, UNANNOUNCED. Nice. Not only that, he stayed and just invited himself for dinner. What a jack-ass. Found out last night why he has completely ignored us since Rory's birthday... it seems that he made a MAJOR fuck-up at his new job and has been getting the daily anal probe by the feds. He even had to go before the FDIC and plead stupidity. Clearly, that was VERY easy to prove, so he didn't lose his job. What a douche. 


Still no news on a new job for Finn. :( He's very frustrated and is starting to get pretty down about it. At least we can commiserate... I certainly know the feeling!!! 


I'm feeling much better today, but I don't want to overdo it... so only a few errands on the books. The bank, Ed's office, and Target for meds. I can't WAIT to see how much my inhaler will cost. Ugh. I got a bill from the hospital yesterday. Remember when Rei was so sick in November and had to go to the ER for IV fluids? I owe them 800 bucks. Why the FUCK am I paying for this hideous insurance??? It doesn't help me AT ALL!!! I feel like I should do some homework and see if I can find better coverage, but honestly, I left no stone unturned when I was trying to find a policy last fall. I can't imagine there's anything new or better that would save me a significant amount of money. Just one more industry full of scumbags. 


Not much else to share at the moment. Go see the camp pics on Shutterfly if you haven't already. Have a good one. 


xoxo
S

Lovin' bruddas at Comfort Zone Camp

***Be an example of a person with integrity.***

***Savor life's small moments.***

***Inspire each other.***

-Instant Karma

Your evening quickie....

Hey noodles... feeling like myself right now & just trying to enjoy it. Anytime I have one of these flare-ups, my tummy seems to get better as the evening wears on. So... we'll see what tomorrow brings! I got another amazing piece of mail... one of D's credit cards had some sort of death/debt protection policy, and I just found out that they paid the fucker off!!! To the tune of 26 grand!!! Hmmmm.... it was a USAA credit card & the loan on the Subaru was with USAA too. Fuck! I wish they'd underwritten the loan on my house!!! ;-) Those are the only 2 debts he had with them though, so the other elevendy billion dollars of outstanding debt he created remains. But hey, I'll take it!!!

Heard from my finance guy today. He got the rest of the documents pulled together for the fucking asshats at Wells Fargo... I just have to go to his office tomorrow to sign everything. And in addition to the CPA friend he got to help me for free, he also secured the services of an attorney for me... again, for NADA!!! This guy is an ANGEL. The part that really blows is that I have to start digging through D's mountains of shit in an attempt to lay my hands on ANYTHING tax-related, all the way back to 2006. Yeah, NO problem. Ugh.

Both boys have grief groups tomorrow night and my new support group is starting too... yay! I can't wait to see my social worker and dear friend, Saundra.

Here's hoping for a solid night's sleep and a calm tummy in the morning.

Nite nite...
S

Oh Bon Bon....

Good God... Miss Bonnie, I'm SO sorry!!! What happened? I can't imagine Manny's sister was very old. Did she live close by? I have no real words of comfort, as there really aren't any, but know that I'm thinking of all of you and sending all of my love and hugs your way. Death. It's everywhere. And it never makes sense or gets any easier. Fuck. 


I continue to wrestle with my gut, though it's clear to me that my original stomach virus has now morphed into a full blown IBD/UC episode. Lovely. I'm guessing the stress leading up to camp, then being sick and worrying that I wouldn't be able to pick up the boys, getting back home & into the routine, missing Finn... etc., I think all of that played a role. I also got a call from Wells Fargo yesterday. They received my packet, and now they want MORE documents. You have GOT to be kidding me. The only thing I didn't send was a sample of my bodily fluids. Stupid assholes. One of the things they want? D's death certificate. Get a CLUE people!!!! That was the FIRST thing I sent them back in JULY!!!! AAAGGGHHH!!!!! Scum sucking douche bags. 


I'm home today with my lil man. He's not sick, rather having some fairly intense emotions relating to his time at camp. They told us that these reactions are not unusual, and to just be sensitive to them. So we went and rented him a movie and we're just going to have a low-key day together. (Good plan, since I need to be laying down most of the time anyway.) We had some fun together last night too, even though I was feeling like shiz. He got in bed with me and we practiced his weekly spelling words by going on the SpellingCity website. They have all kinds of word games to play and we did that for quite a while. I think Rei was needing some mom time too, as he also came and got in my bed. He's been on a mad tear making friendship bracelets for his camp peeps ever since we got home. He's never made them before and it's cute that he's so into it. When I was running errands on Monday he called and asked me to get this "wierd embroidery floss" for him to use. Helloooooo numb nuts! I used to be a CRAZY cross stitch queen and have every color ever manufactured of that shit. He was very pleasantly surprised. :0)


My sweet Finn continued to be his angelic self last night.... making dinner for everyone, overseeing homework, etc while I was in bed. Poor fucker... I'm pretty sure that's NOT what he signed up for!


At the moment, I'm feeling a little better than I did this morning. Going to try to take advantage of that fact to get some cleaning and laundry done. I already applied for yet another job within the school system this morning. Obviously, I've had zero luck there in the past, but still crossing my fingers. 


In the garage this morning, I spied one of my favorite books... "Cancer on $5 a Day". It was written by one of my all-time favorite comedians, Bob Schimmel. Sadly, he died a few months ago, but it wasn't the cancer that got him. He'd received a tainted blood transfusion about 20 years ago and ended up with hepatitis. It's weird, because it attacked his liver in exactly the same way that D's cancer attacked his... he was dealing with the ascites, the jaundice, all of it. Very sad. Anyhoo, his book is a fuckin' laugh riot. You might want to check it out. 


Love & hugs...
S


***I also posted the camp pics on Shutterfly... go see!

Hey...

Hi Bobbin... nope, saw your post this morning. :0) Wrote my little rant late last night. :0) Back to being sick... had SO much to do today, but had to turn around and come home. Slept from 10-2:30. Now I have to get the first graders off the bus. Me no likey feeling like such a pile o poo. :(

S

I hate to tell ya....

Unless your name is Toni, Auntie Nut or Nicole.... fuck you in the neck!!!! SERIOUSLY???? One WEENSY comment about the boys' camp experience??? You suck big black bear balls!!!! Yes, I realize that many of you are still having issues regarding posting... not sure why, but whatevs... I'm WAITING...... I want to hear what you think, you oozing pus balls!!! I continue to feel like someone kicked me in the gut, and yet, I managed to write quite a detailed entry today... and another little one later. Busy? Out living your life? DON'T CARE!!! Grrrrr..... Shanny = mad !!! Tell me something.... ANYTHING!!!! 


And ToJo, Nut & Nicole... extra super duper SMOOCHES TO YOOCHES!!!!!


The rest of ya? Zrrrrbbrrrrrttttt!!!!! Pfffftttttt! :-/


S

At last.... some GREAT news!!!

Yo doodles... get THIS!!! Remember me mentioning eons ago that D had taken some sort of insurance policy regarding payoff of the Subaru in the event of his death? Well, they've been 'investigating' for almost 6 MONTHS, and just this minute I got the CLEAR TITLE in the mail! Yeah baby!!!! Hot DAMN! Now... if I can just get this home loan mod, things may start lookin up!!!

:0)
S

Happy Monday!

Well hello my friends.... oh, how I've missed you! Yes, I was sick as a DAWG all weekend, and no... it was definitely NOT my regular tummy troubles. Some heinous stomach virus that I did NOT enjoy... although, I did manage to lose a good 5 pounds. Nice! :0)


Comfort Zone Camp.... OH. MY. GOD. I don't know what else to say. What an incredible, amazing, BRILLIANT organization!!! It was a very full weekend for both boys... many tears, but lots of laughter too. The best part? It was, ABSOLUTELY, a life-changing experience for Reilly. 

I don't know if I really touched on it before, but Reilly went to camp COMPLETELY against his will... kicking and screaming the entire way. I told him he was entitled to feel however he wanted to about it. All I asked was that he be open to it... "just be open to the process" is what I asked of him. I am beyond thrilled to tell you that the kid was not only open to it... he embraced it, ran with it and immersed himself in it completely. He came home SO inspired... SO full of self-confidence, and feeling truly loved and understood. He talked and talked and talked for HOURS on the way home. :0) They have asked him to come back as a junior counselor.... yes, he's old enough!... and he's ready to start his training TODAY!


Yesterday, when all of the parents, guardians, etc, arrived, the first thing we did was have a meeting with the director of camp operations. This guy, Pete, runs ALL of the camps that they host all over the country... including in California. I didn't know CZ was in California... yahoooo! He is darling... amazing... wonderful... as were ALL of the CZ volunteers. He gave us a brief overview of the events of the weekend, and then we had a chance to hear from each of the Healing Circle leaders. Each age group had their own Healing Circles, and they keep the groups to 8 kids or less so every child has plenty of time to share. The Healing Circles are done several times a day, and the kids can talk or not... whatever they choose. Sometimes they opt to have their Big Buddies speak on their behalf. Rory had his Big, David, talk for him on a number of occasions. He would tell David what he was feeling, and then David would share it with the group. We also had the opportunity to meet one on one with the Healing Circle leaders, and really hear about how our kids fared during the camp. I'm SO proud of Rory... he really opened up and shared his whole story. Yay!!!!! His sweet friend Skylar was in his Circle, and she made a point to make him feel extra special. They have these special pins that they give out to all of the campers. Anytime they see someone being brave or doing something they think is special, they tell them why they deserve a pin and then give it to them. Skylar stood up and told their Circle that she & Rory have been in a support group together for a couple of years, and that Rory NEVER talks about his dad during group. ( I didn't know that.) She told him how proud she was that he shared his story and that she thought he was very brave. And keep in mind, Rory ADORES Sky, so coming from her.... that was HUGE. He was over the moon to show me the 19 pins he earned throughout the weekend. :0) 


Then I went and spoke to Reilly's Healing Circle leaders. Holy shit. You could have knocked me over with a feather. First of all, they both GUSHED about what an "awesome kid" he is, and said that the way he shared and interacted all weekend "set the tone for the entire group". They even went so far as to say that they didn't think their group would have had nearly the energy or the bond that they did, had Reilly not been there. They told me how his willingness to share, as the 'cool kid', gave the others the opening they needed to feel safe. They went on to say that the compassion and understanding he showed to the other campers was beyond anything they'd ever seen in a 15 year old. And he didn't save it just for his group... he was, yet again, incredible with the little guys, and went out of his way to check in on Rory and make sure he was okay. 


Yeah... I was sobbing. 


It gets better. I hope you're sitting down, cuz this next lil tidbit sent me reeling. Rei's head Healing Circle leader told me that of all of the families she's worked with, she considers US to be the one "success story" that she's seen, with regard to the way that we honor David on a daily basis. The fact that we talk about him all the time... tell funny stories... look at pictures... celebrate his birthday... all of it. Holy shit. To hear that from a professional... I can't express to you what that meant to me. Obviously, I have a very complicated relationship with David.... even more so, now that he's dead. That may sound odd, but it's true. I have a great many feelings about him... many of which are not positive... but I work EVERY DAY to focus on and remember the good things... for the boys. True, I spill my true feelings here.... but I keep that shit away from them, and it's harder than you'll ever know. To get that validation from a mental health professional made me feel incredibly good. Maybe I'm doing something right. 

 Rory & his Big Buddy, David

Reilly & his Big Buddy, JamaRR

Next, all of the kids came in so we could begin the memorial service. Each Healing Circle got up and did a short presentation. Some of them were very sweet... some cute... and some heartbreaking. Sprinkled in between them, were campers who wanted to come up to honor their loved one. Some kids had their loved one's favorite song played, some read a poem they'd written, some danced, and Miss Skylar told a precious story. It was beautiful... uplifting... and soul shattering... all at the same time. 


Finally, we went outside to do a balloon release. Each of the kids had written a message to their loved one and tied it to a balloon, and we released them all at the same time. Watching the kids as they followed their balloons on their trip up to heaven... there are no words. 

I have SO much more to tell you about the INCREDIBLE people that make up Comfort Zone... these are all trained professionals... social workers, therapists, psychologists, phychiatrists... and they all volunteer their time to bear witness to our children's grief. Knowing that there are people who have been part of our lives who aren't willing to do that... well, that just makes them all the more amazing. 


Look around you. Be thankful for all that you have. Hug your kids a little tighter. And embrace the journey. 


Much love...
Shan
xoxo

More pics to come on Shutterfly...

Bummer.....

Well.... that was SO not the way I'd planned to spend my weekend. True, I was a lazy slug and didn't go anywhere... but that's only because I was too busy puking my guts out. Yep. Awesome. We arrived at camp on Friday afternoon after a very long and stressful drive. It didn't help that my tummy was upset, but my tummy is often upset, and I figured it was just nervousness about the camp. We got checked in and met the boys' Big Buddies. In true Comfort Zone style, they seemed to do an amazing job of making the perfect matches for each of them. Rory started out being very shy, but within a few minutes, was laughing and playing with his buddy David. Once they were settled, I was supposed to head over to dinner and the parent's meeting, but I just wasn't up for it. I was so tired, and I really didn't have the emotional strength to sit through the sharing circle... where everyone tells their story. No thanks. 


I got myself checked in at the hotel and promptly put on my jammies. It was about 7:00 at that point, as I had stopped at Target, gotten gas, etc. I slept like shit that night... tossing and turning. I was up early anyway, so I decided to get dressed and go out to get some 7-up and saltines. I found a Wally World right down the street, grabbed my shiz and headed back to the hotel. The second the elevator doors closed, I knew I was in trouble. I RAN to my room and barely made it. Nice. My entire Saturday was spent alernately barfing and drifting in and out of sleep. I've gotta tell ya, there is little more depressing than being horribly ill, alone, and in a hotel room. Ugh.


I didn't slepp well last night either, and my stomach is definitely not back to normal. I am REALLY hoping that I feel better soon though.... I have to be at camp at 12:45 for the closing ceremony, and I've been told it can last 2 to 3 hours. And then... I get to drive the 3 hours back home. Fuck. 


I just hope the boys had a wonderful time and were able to find some peace and comfort at camp. 


Much love...
S