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MY HERO!!!!!!

Yes.... Froggy is my hero. :0) Woke up this morning to a drastically cleaner pool... and that was only letting the filter run for about 2 hours. Normally, I'd just let it run all night, but the water is SO nasty that I knew the pressure build-up would be too much. He raced home from work today and was back at it again. What would I do without him????? And guess what else he got working... the ExerSwim machine that David was given as a gift and used only once. They retail for 3700 bucks!!!!! I hope to hell I can sell that bad boy on Craigslist for mucho dinero!!!

It's 100 degrees & humid out, & he's cleaning the filter. It's supposed to be WHITE!!! Eew. 

At the moment, he's on a mad tear to find a couple of replacement parts for the filter... plugs, etc. And that's after leaving for work at 4:30 a.m.! I'm telling you, this guy's a keeper. I tried to help a little bit this afternoon, but it's so miserable outside that I didn't last long. The only way I can bear to be in that heat and humidity is to be IN the pool. Soon.... I'm hoping very, very soon!

Chloe was back at it today... that is a seriously goofy-ass water dog. She loves to swim so much. Watching her jump in after that ball is absolutely hilarious.

Goober dog.

I'm glad the kids aren't bothered by the heat all that much. They're riding bikes now, but earlier they were with us by the pool. Look at my cute guy...

Cute lil nerd bird.

He's aching to get in the pool!. Hmmm... think I need to do some weeding out there? Shit.

That's it for now... time to get dinner happening. I hope wherever you are, you're not boiling your balls off like the poor slobs in Northern Virginia!

xoxo

S

Where be you are????

Hey monkeys... where the hell are ya? A few of my regular peeps get a pass, as we've been e-mailing back and forth. The rest of ya? Pffffftttt!!! Miss Tojo... I'm so sorry that my last entry caused you to pee your pants. You ARE getting older, ya know. But I promise to give you a heads-up next time so you can slap on some Depends. =) And Miss Nicole... no worries. The posts come to me in a list as they are posted... I don't have to scroll back through to see the comments. And why aren't you caught up on my life???? Busy living your own life???? Selfish bitch. 


I'm not sure if I've mentioned this before, so it may come as a bit of a shock.... I LUVVVVVES MY FINN!!!!! There are a million reasons I love him.... he's an incredible daddy, he's a complete goofball, he makes me feel good about myself, he loves my kids, he's real, honest & genuine, he makes me laugh constantly, he's sexy as HELL... I could go on for days. Another reason I adore him is that he's my very own redneck MacGuyver!!! I'm telling you, this guy can fix ANYTHING! He actually ressurected the pool pump & filter last night. Oh. My. God. 10:00 at night, and he was out there working his ass off. He took the whole thing apart, cleaned the filter, put it back, backwashed the system, added DE, scooped mounds of leaves from the bottom... he's my ANGEL! His next plan is to tackle the heater. He opened it up and saw several mouse nests in there. Hmmm.... think that could be causing a problem??? He's also going to take Cujo apart (that's our auto vac) to see if he can get him going too. I looked last night & they are 900 bucks. NOT gonna be replacing it, so I really hope he can fix it. It's been hot and humid as balls out here for the past few days... summer has most certainly arrived. I want us to be in that pool ASAP!!!! 


Talked to my mamasan last night & my last few posts had her worried. I want to assure you that while I do tend to rage on the page, I do a much better job of being positive and happy around the kids. I try to purge it all here, so I don't feel the need to stay in bed with my head under the covers for days at a time. I've got the kids all excited about the fun and lazy summer we're going to have. Let me amend that... the fun and lazy summer they're gonna have. My dumb ass is going to be back in school for the first time in 20 years!!! What an IDIOT I am!!! I was excited about it a few days ago, but the excitement is now morphing into abject fear. 


I put up more cute pics on Shutterfly the other day, so go see 'em if you haven't yet. Gots to go... mucho errandos to run. Pool store, here I come!


Make it a good one. =)
xoxo
S

O*U*C*H !!!!!!!!!

Hey cheesies... wazzup? I know I mentioned that I'm becoming a jiggly tub o' goo again. I'm getting to the club as often as I can... some days I still have death biz that keeps me from getting there, and other days I just can't get motivated. But I'm doing what I can. Last week KK & I worked out together and ran into a friend of hers that was singing the praises of the club spin classes. They offer a bazillion classes there, but I've never taken one. Not sure why, as I do love dance, step, etc. Anyhoo, I had the bright idea to suggest to Katy that we meet for the spin class yesterday morning. I am SUCH an asshole!!! Oh. My. God. Let's just say that the people who are spin addicts are freaks. They are NOT human. I skimmed over the class list, just to get an idea about what else they offer. I noticed that some classes are 45 minutes, some 50, etc. Well wouldntcha know, I discovered that this particular class was an hour, AFTER I was already on the bike. Son of a bitch. I'm not sure how, but I actually did make it through the entire class. I did not escape unscathed, however... I believe I posted on Facebook that "I now know what it feels like to be gang banged by a pack of wild Clydesdales." Seriously... not good. Now I know why Lance Armstrong got testicular cancer... his balls hurt so much that they went and got themselves cancerified in the hopes that they'd be cut off and set free. Sadly... one ball remains. Poor little nut. :(  Actually though, that reminds me of a story about him. First of all, I don't know if you've read much about him, but it's a fuckin' miracle that he's alive. True, ball cancer (as David liked to call it) is highly treatable... but only with early detection. Lance had it for a long while before being diagnosed... in fact, it had spread to several other spots, including his brain. Do you know why it took so long for him to be diagnosed??? Because riding his bike everyday meant that his balls were always hurting him. It never even occurred to him to bring it up to a doctor... he'd been experiencing ball/ass agony for YEARS!!! I don't know about you, but if I tried out a new sport and really liked it... even if I was good at it... if it meant feeling like a new porn starlet after her first DP scene everyday, I think I'd move on to something else. But hey... that's just me. 


Believe it or not, I did go back to the club today and I even rode a bike. I stuck with the recumbent though... not really interested in having that little seat crammed in my nether-region again any time soon. 


At the moment I'm feeling icky. A little tummy flare-up that's been coming and going for a few days. I can't possibly pinpoint the exact reason for the episodes anymore... I eat the same few things every single day, so it's not food-related. That means it's stress-related. Okay, well that just doesn't narrow it down at all!!! I'm juggling so many stressors right now, and generally, a new one or two pop up just about every day. In fact, here's one for ya... got a letter yesterday from my wills, trusts & estates attorney. She is officially ceasing to be my representative in about 14 different lawsuits against David's estate. Why, you might ask??? She stated that it's because she can't get a hold of me. NO SHIT, SHERLOCK!!!!! The last time I got a bill from her, she charged me 75 bucks to read an e-mail... 150 clams to take a phone call. Why in the FUCK would I want to be in touch with you????? Her associate, Eileen, was the one who worked with me for a couple years. She was very good to me and I know she did a lot of work for me that she didn't bill me for. All of a sudden back in October, she was gone from the firm... and I've been treated like shit & billed to the hilt ever since. Shocker. Just one more pain in the ass to add to my list. 


So yep... tummy funk. I should be up making dinner, but I really need to lay here for a bit. Hope you're having a good one. 


xoxo
S


***I want to send out extra special love & hugs to my Dad & Miss Mary. They lost one of their beloved German Shepherds last Friday. His name was Bubba and he had cancer. They love all of their dogs, but Bubba was extra special. I'm so, so sorry. Fuckin' cancer. Thinking of you. xoxoxo

???

Spunk... I have ZERO clue what you're talking about regarding CPS/Jayden/ sleeping in the bed, etc. First of all, it's completely legal. Secondly, on the rare occasion that stupid whore does see her kids, Jayden never sleeps anywhere but in her bed. Then it always takes us a week to undo the bad habits he's gotten into. (oh... and ps... even if there was a legal problem, trust me... this girl is nowhere near bright enough to realize it. She's about as sharp as a sack of wet mice.)  No worries though... I love them all and consider them my family, but this is MY house & I will NOT have a baby in my bed. I never did it with my own fuckin' kids... why the hell would I allow it with someone else's??? And truthfully, if he's got an issue with me discussing Krissy's lack of contribution, then WE have a major problem on our hands. We have to be able to talk about these things. Unfortunately, she is their mother and will be in our lives in one way or another forever. I cannot be expected to fund the lives of these children. If money wasn't such a problem for me, then it wouldn't bother me nearly as much. I know she's a loser. It's a fact. But she does have a job, and she has no living expenses other than those related to her car.  I think she's not paying on purpose. She sees the big house and property & she refers to me as Finn's 'sugar mama'. Hilarious.... if only that were true. 


It's not the same situation, but it definitely reminds me of my time with Ryan... adored him, adored the kids... but the ex was a nightmare and the sole cause of any and all stress. I honestly loathe this girl. Yes... she's too young, immature and stupid to have custody of her kids. I get that and I completely agree. I understand that she's 'trying to put her life back together', but does she really have to be 90 minutes away to do that??? She works at JC Penney, for the love of Christ. Hellloooooo..... transfer to one that's closer to your children so you can actually be part of their lives. Oops... look who I'm talking about. That would seriously impact her social life. I'd love to punch her in the throat. 


Yep... still pissed. 


S

Pissed

What a treat to be seething with rage by 4:30 a.m. Awesome. Fuckin' Jayden again. I don't know why, but Finn took the side off his crib the other day. Hellllooooo.... he's NOT climbing out and he's not even 3 yet!!! Obviously, the kid now has a free pass to get out of his bed whenever he wants to. Making things worse is that when he does do that, Finn brings him in bed with us. Uh... no. I had TWO kids that were HORRIBLE sleepers and we never, EVER brought them into our bed. NOT ONCE. The first time either of my kids slept in my bed was after David died. Rory was clearly struggling and that's a completely different situation. If a kid got up and needed attention, we'd either go into their room, or take 'em down to the family room. No need for BOTH adults to be awake. Adding to my explosive anger is the fact that I am raising that stupid whore's kids while she's off counting ceiling tiles and not contributing to their care in any way. I told Finn this morning that I want her fuckin' phone number. From now on, if WE'RE awake, SHE'S gonna be awake too. Stupid bitch. Clearly, Finn is mad about the situation too, but he seems to be mad at me. Great. I'm not looking forward to this evening.... let's just say we'll be having a SERIOUS come to Jesus discussion about the kids & that stupid bitch's need to start ponying up some cash NOW. 


Of course, that early morning surprise has fucked up the start to the day. I have SO much trouble sleeping.... once I'm awake, I'm awake. So I was up intil about 6:15, passed out, and must have turned off my alarm in my sleep-deprived stupor. I woke with a start at 7:20. We need to leave the house at 7:30. Try getting yourself, 3 kids and 4 dogs taken care of in 10 minutes. It's not pretty. 


I continue to be so overwhelmed by the reality that is my life, that I cried myself to sleep last night. I'm so tired of being tired... so tired of being sad... so tired of being scared shitless... I'm just tired of it all. I guess that's why I keep getting fatter... stuffing my face in a pathetic attempt to quiet the screaming in my head... if only for a few minutes. 

Time

I can't explain

Can't quite put my finger on it

The difference that makes us so different.

We've said everything

Our words only betrayed us

Nothing is left... nothing was left unsaid.

This time, I have nothing left to lose

I'm stuck, the second hand won't move

It's about time that I speak my mind

It's about time, about time to find pieces of me I have lost,

Without any choice I move on.

Hey time, you're no friend of mine.

You cover yourself, you cover your skin

You cover yourself like to cover your sins

Please untie my hands,

I'm a sinner, I'm a man

I ask for one minute, to make you understand

This time, I have nothing left to lose

I'm stuck, the second hand won't move

It's about time that I speak my mind

It's about time, about time to find pieces of me I have lost

Without any choice I move on

Hey time, you're no friend of mine.

Will you be there

To catch me, when I stumble, when I fall

When I fall

It's so very clear

You left me when I had no one at all

No one at all

Who will be there

To catch me, to catch me when I stumble

When I fall, when I fall

It's so very clear

You left me with no one at all

No one at all

This time, I have nothing left to lose

I'm stuck, the second hand won't move

It's about time that I speak my mind

It's about time, about time to find pieces of me I have lost

Without any choice I move on

Hey time, you're no friend of mine

Hey time, you're no friend of mine

The pieces of me I have lost

Without any choice I move on

Time

Time, you're no friend of mine. 

-Creed

Fuckin' hell... I hope this day gets better.

S

WARNING: BITCH-FEST BELOW!!!

Yep. I'm in a shitty ass, piss poor mood. Just frustrated and tired, I guess. First of all, I love our Jayden... but this early weekend morning wake up shit is getting OLD. It certainly doesn't help that there is no reprieve in sight. I told you the kids are never going back to Finn's grandma's, and Krissy couldn't be less interested in spending time with her kids. She flat-out told Finn yesterday that she's working every weekend for the next month. And let's not forget... when she had them 2 weeks ago, it was for about 30 whole hours. Stupid fucking whore. It probably wouldn't make me quite as insane if she was at least helping out financially. I don't understand the dynamic Finn has with her... he seems to just let everything go & not push her. He's not a confrontational person, so maybe that's where it comes from. But it make s me FUCKING NUTS!!!!! 


I spent the whole day sweating like a pig while cleaning.... inside & outside.Finn spent a couple hours trimming the huge bushes by the pool equipment, while I moved patio furniture, scrubbed & scooped the pool, and picked up random shit in the yard. Then I got busy on the inside. It was that horrible kind of cleaning... the hands and knees scrubbing kind, that NO ONE will notice but me. I HATE that!!!!! 


It certainly didn't help that the humidity showed up today. Fucking hell.... it's gonna be a long damn summer with the nasty ass weather out here. NOT looking forward to it. I had to close everything up and turn on the air. :( I miss not having the fresh air blow through the house, but I can't stand to be sticky and sweaty in my own home. I've bumped up the temp a few degrees to save on electric, so it's not nearly as cool as I'd like it to be. Finn thinks I'm ridiculous... like David, he grew up in a house in Maryland with no a/c. I swear to Christ... I have no idea how they even lived to tell the tale!!! It gets positively unbearable... some days, just walking from the house to the car is enough to make you want to keel over. And it's only just begun. Fuck.


Finn and the kids spent much of yesterday at his parent's house & Leilei ended up spending the night. He got home with Jayden & put him straight to bed, so we actually got to go see a movie. I had to drive like a bat outta hell to make it to the 9:30 show, but we got there with about 3 minutes to spare. We saw "Bridesmaids"... laughed our asses off. A definite must-see. Lots of good things coming up this summer too, according to the previews. 


Reilly had his first whole day at work today... 7 am-4pm. He called me to come get him at lunch, as he'd forgotten to take food with him. He was exhausted, and it was only noon. He said,"I've been scrubbing cages for an hour! My arms hurt SO bad!!!" My reply was, "welcome to my world." When he asked what I meant by that, I told him he may work at a kennel, but our whole fucking house is a kennel! Add to that, I have 6 people after whom I have to clean up too!!!! He actually said the words... "I'll stop complaining now." I'm gonna savor that one. 


Wanna know another reason I'm pissed? Chances are basically slim to none (and Slim left 10 minutes ago)  that I'll have hot water to shower tonight, and I'm a filthy pig... aaaggghhhhh!!!!!


SO tired.... SO grumpy... shit! So much for the weekend. I hope you're in a FAR better mood than I am. 


S