Welcome!

So here's the Reader's Digest version for those of you who are new to my blog.... My 39 year old husband, David, was diagnosed with a hideous and deadly cancer in
April of '08. We were told he'd likely die in less than 4 months. Obviously, that diagnosis turned us inside out and shook us to the core. At the time, our boys were 12 and 4... can you say 'fucking nightmare'??? I spent the next 14 months being his 24/7 caregiver and advocate... never leaving his side unless it was to get the boys to or from therapy or their cancer support groups. Cancer and the hell that it brings became our universe. And yet, I was able to get myself to a place where I was depending on my faith.... existing on a plane of pure gratitude. I focused my energies on recognizing the blessings that cancer had brought to our lives... yes, there ARE blessings that come with such a dire diagnosis.
Things were good. David miraculously entered remission in April of '09. I was looking forward to the next few months being our 'summer of healing' as a family. And then my world stopped. He left me... left US... on 6 June 2009. And FYI... he told me he was ending our 18 year marriage in a note. As if that wasn't bad enough, he had left me for a 'friend' who also happened to be married. Nice. The next few months are a blur... I descended into a deep, dark depression, and David's vicious treatment of me didn't help. He was running as fast as he could from everything associated with cancer, and that included me... our family, our home and the entire life we had built together. Things went from bad to worse when his cancer returned with a vengeance. He began treatment once again, and I had to dig deep to help him and make things as easy on him as possible. I even offered to have him move home so I could care for him through his treatment. As it turns out, it was a good thing he didn't take me up on that. The hateful way that he treated me during that time would have made caregiving for him an unbearable situation. I KNEW he was dying... nobody else did, because he fed them all kinds of bullshit... but I knew. Because of that, I focused on the boys and made sure they were with their daddy as much as possible.
His final months were a living nightmare... a kind of pain and darkness for which there are no words. No human being, no matter who they are or how they lived their lives, should have to suffer the horrific pain and endless indignities that David did. In spite of everything, I was with him constantly, much to the chagrin of his girlfriend and his mother. 'Too fuckin bad' was my theory. I wanted my boys to see that I NEVER turned my back on their dad. And I didn't. I continued to advocate for him in the hospital... fighting to get him the meds and the specialists he needed. I was there during his final moments of consciousness. I took Reilly to say goodbye to his dad, just before he slipped into that state. I was there when he died. I ID'd his body at the funeral home. I planned his funeral and his Celebration of Life. I placed his ashes in the wall of the Columbarium at the Naval Academy. We had spent half of our lives together, and though I was no longer in love with him, I did those things out of respect for the life that we shared and the family that we created.
The 6 months since he died have brought more changes. I struggle daily to untangle the financial disaster he left me, and I'm fighting like hell to keep our home. The boys are now 15 and 7 and trying to learn how to move forward in their lives without their daddy. I had to get a part-time job after spending 15 years as a full-time mother, and I'm doing everything I can to trim the fat so we can afford to stay where we are. My boys NEED the stability and comfort that come with remaining in our home and community, and staying in their schools. To that end, I will fight with every fiber of my soul to ensure that those things happen.
My greatest blessing is that I now have an incredible man in my life... a man who is thoughtful and loving, strong and sensitive, hilariously funny, and who loves me just the way I am. He is authentic. He knows who he is and is completely comfortable in his own skin. It certainly doesn't hurt that he's 11 years younger than I am and sexy as hell. :0)
Yes, my boys are struggling in many ways... the therapy and support groups continue... and I still have MUCHO 'death business' to handle. That said, I am starting to believe that there might be a happy future ahead... for all of us.
The past almost 3 years have been quite an emotional roller coaster, to say the least. Writing has been the most important part of my day, every day, since this journey began. I am once again being put in a position where I have to learn to survive... spiritually, emotionally, physically, financially... you get the picture. My hope is that I can hold on to my faith, find a moment of joy in every day, be the best mother I can possibly be, and hopefully... one day... emerge back into the light.
December 2010

21 December 2010

Me again...

Hey shmoos.... no idea why part of my Facebook thing got cut off. Oh well. It was the very first time I've EVER cut and pasted, so I'm still pretty proud of myself! Heading out to shop with the mamasan. Happy Tuesday!

xoxo
S

19 December 2010

Trying something....

Me again. I'd like to post my 'year in status' collage from Facebook for you to read. If you're not a facebook user, what they've done is compile a collection of my status updates for the whole year. It doesn't include all of them, but enough so that you get the gist. I have to tell you, reading back over it was overwhelming, in and of itself. I have NO recollection of writing a great many of those posts... tells you where my head was most of the time. I think it's a beautiful thing to have for the boys though. Someday they'll be able to read through it and know for sure that I never gave up on their dad... that I was kind to him and advocating and fighting for him, right up until the end. Let's see if I can get this damn thing to post here. And BELIEVE me... I KNOW that if I can't, it's purely operator error!!!

S

Shannon Streight's 2010 Status Collage

Feelin MIGHTY good about myself right now.... I DID IT!!!!!

A few pics...

Christmas Kiddos

Da Boys with our Christmas Tree

Spectacular orchids from my amazing Finn.

Hi Monkeys...

I'm still noodling around with this damn thing, but I think I may actually get it really up and running. That is, if I can ever find more than 5 minutes at a time to mess with it!!

My mom arrived safely this morning, and within 15 minutes of being in my presence, she was dragging me thru Wally World. Some things never change. ;-) She took Rei, Rory & Leilei shoe shopping this afternoon. Yahooooo! She even had the supreme fabulousness to take them while Jayden was napping, so Finn & I had deeelish naps too. Me likey!!

Fingers crossed for me tomorrow... I have my very first job interview. I've been applying for these fuckin jobs nearly every day for 4 months & this is the first time anyone even called me!!! I'm not countin my chickens yet, but it at least gives me hope that I'll find SOMETHING.

Nite nite.
S

Test #2

Okay noodles... If you signed up to 'follow' the blog, let me know if you got notification of this one.

:0)
S