Happy Monday!

Well hello my friends.... oh, how I've missed you! Yes, I was sick as a DAWG all weekend, and no... it was definitely NOT my regular tummy troubles. Some heinous stomach virus that I did NOT enjoy... although, I did manage to lose a good 5 pounds. Nice! :0)


Comfort Zone Camp.... OH. MY. GOD. I don't know what else to say. What an incredible, amazing, BRILLIANT organization!!! It was a very full weekend for both boys... many tears, but lots of laughter too. The best part? It was, ABSOLUTELY, a life-changing experience for Reilly. 

I don't know if I really touched on it before, but Reilly went to camp COMPLETELY against his will... kicking and screaming the entire way. I told him he was entitled to feel however he wanted to about it. All I asked was that he be open to it... "just be open to the process" is what I asked of him. I am beyond thrilled to tell you that the kid was not only open to it... he embraced it, ran with it and immersed himself in it completely. He came home SO inspired... SO full of self-confidence, and feeling truly loved and understood. He talked and talked and talked for HOURS on the way home. :0) They have asked him to come back as a junior counselor.... yes, he's old enough!... and he's ready to start his training TODAY!


Yesterday, when all of the parents, guardians, etc, arrived, the first thing we did was have a meeting with the director of camp operations. This guy, Pete, runs ALL of the camps that they host all over the country... including in California. I didn't know CZ was in California... yahoooo! He is darling... amazing... wonderful... as were ALL of the CZ volunteers. He gave us a brief overview of the events of the weekend, and then we had a chance to hear from each of the Healing Circle leaders. Each age group had their own Healing Circles, and they keep the groups to 8 kids or less so every child has plenty of time to share. The Healing Circles are done several times a day, and the kids can talk or not... whatever they choose. Sometimes they opt to have their Big Buddies speak on their behalf. Rory had his Big, David, talk for him on a number of occasions. He would tell David what he was feeling, and then David would share it with the group. We also had the opportunity to meet one on one with the Healing Circle leaders, and really hear about how our kids fared during the camp. I'm SO proud of Rory... he really opened up and shared his whole story. Yay!!!!! His sweet friend Skylar was in his Circle, and she made a point to make him feel extra special. They have these special pins that they give out to all of the campers. Anytime they see someone being brave or doing something they think is special, they tell them why they deserve a pin and then give it to them. Skylar stood up and told their Circle that she & Rory have been in a support group together for a couple of years, and that Rory NEVER talks about his dad during group. ( I didn't know that.) She told him how proud she was that he shared his story and that she thought he was very brave. And keep in mind, Rory ADORES Sky, so coming from her.... that was HUGE. He was over the moon to show me the 19 pins he earned throughout the weekend. :0) 


Then I went and spoke to Reilly's Healing Circle leaders. Holy shit. You could have knocked me over with a feather. First of all, they both GUSHED about what an "awesome kid" he is, and said that the way he shared and interacted all weekend "set the tone for the entire group". They even went so far as to say that they didn't think their group would have had nearly the energy or the bond that they did, had Reilly not been there. They told me how his willingness to share, as the 'cool kid', gave the others the opening they needed to feel safe. They went on to say that the compassion and understanding he showed to the other campers was beyond anything they'd ever seen in a 15 year old. And he didn't save it just for his group... he was, yet again, incredible with the little guys, and went out of his way to check in on Rory and make sure he was okay. 


Yeah... I was sobbing. 


It gets better. I hope you're sitting down, cuz this next lil tidbit sent me reeling. Rei's head Healing Circle leader told me that of all of the families she's worked with, she considers US to be the one "success story" that she's seen, with regard to the way that we honor David on a daily basis. The fact that we talk about him all the time... tell funny stories... look at pictures... celebrate his birthday... all of it. Holy shit. To hear that from a professional... I can't express to you what that meant to me. Obviously, I have a very complicated relationship with David.... even more so, now that he's dead. That may sound odd, but it's true. I have a great many feelings about him... many of which are not positive... but I work EVERY DAY to focus on and remember the good things... for the boys. True, I spill my true feelings here.... but I keep that shit away from them, and it's harder than you'll ever know. To get that validation from a mental health professional made me feel incredibly good. Maybe I'm doing something right. 

 Rory & his Big Buddy, David

Reilly & his Big Buddy, JamaRR

Next, all of the kids came in so we could begin the memorial service. Each Healing Circle got up and did a short presentation. Some of them were very sweet... some cute... and some heartbreaking. Sprinkled in between them, were campers who wanted to come up to honor their loved one. Some kids had their loved one's favorite song played, some read a poem they'd written, some danced, and Miss Skylar told a precious story. It was beautiful... uplifting... and soul shattering... all at the same time. 


Finally, we went outside to do a balloon release. Each of the kids had written a message to their loved one and tied it to a balloon, and we released them all at the same time. Watching the kids as they followed their balloons on their trip up to heaven... there are no words. 

I have SO much more to tell you about the INCREDIBLE people that make up Comfort Zone... these are all trained professionals... social workers, therapists, psychologists, phychiatrists... and they all volunteer their time to bear witness to our children's grief. Knowing that there are people who have been part of our lives who aren't willing to do that... well, that just makes them all the more amazing. 


Look around you. Be thankful for all that you have. Hug your kids a little tighter. And embrace the journey. 


Much love...
Shan
xoxo

More pics to come on Shutterfly...