Hey peeps... first things first... a couple of important things to address. One of my dearest childhood friends, Wendi Ripley Todt, and her family are in desperate need of your prayers and positive juju. Her oldest son Kevin, 12, fell 15 feet to the ground yesterday and landed on his head. They live in Rohnert Park, CA. He was immediately airlifted to Children's Hospital in Oakland. He was bleeding from his ears, asking repetitive questions and had no memory of the fall. The latest update I got was last night... he has a skull fracture on one side and a brain bleed on the other. They have no plans for surgery as of yet, but planned to keep him in the ICU for at least 24 hours to monitor him closely. They are a family of deep faith and I know they would appreciate your prayers. They have 2 younger children, Angela & Hunter... Wendi is a full-time mom & Josh is a Sheriff's Deputy. Wendi & I met in second grade and have been friends ever since. Our families became incredibly close... we went all through school together, were in each other's weddings, etc. Please send them all the love you've got.
The other big one is my Auntie Nut... having surgery today???? EEEEEWWWW!!!! I'm so sorry! I don't know about hernia surgery... can they do it laporoscopically? I hope so!!! I'll be thinking about you and praying for you today... and hope that you will be up and around and feeling like yourself immediately. I love you & miss you... more than you know!!!
Another important thing I need help with today.... Comfort Zone Camp is a finalist in Toyota's 100 Cars For Good Program. Today is the ONLY DAY TO VOTE!!!! Please go to www.facebook.com/toyota to cast your vote. If they win a car, they will use it to help provide transportation to and from camps for those who have no way to get there. I think I've made it clear just how much I love CZC... anything I can do to help them... I will! Please vote, and then pass along the info.
And now I will digress... I know you're just waiting for me to start my daily bitchfest. What a Suzie Sunshine I have become! Since Auntie Nut mentioned my 'nads'... I take that as a compliment, by the way... let me share another snippet from my lovely exchange with that dirty pirate hooker from Sunday. At one point, she said she was no longer talking to me... was leaving... and would be back when Roy got home. Uh.... no. The kids already knew she was there!!! Hellooooooo.... you're NOT leaving!!! She actually started her car and began to back out. I marched up to her car, opened the fuckin door and told her to get out and come get her children. She kept telling me to go in the house and get them, and I said "No. I don't trust you. Either you come in the house with me, or you turn off the car and give me the keys." She must be getting the memo that I am NOT to be fucked with.... she turned it off & handed me the keys. What an asshole. I was NOT going to allow her to abandon those kids, yet again. The other thing that I thought was hilarious, was when she said she'd brought money to give to Roy. I told her I'd be sure to get it to him, and she said "No! I'm not giving YOU anything! How do I know you'll actually give it to Roy?!" Seriously???? My reply was "you trust me to raise your children, but you don't trust me to pass along a few bucks?" She said nothing. What a moron.
The weather continues to be absolutely unbearable. SO hot and humid that they actually cancelled ALL outdoor sporting events yesterday... no practices, no games, nothin'. Too hot. Yuck. I'm still wrestling with the pool... it's turning green again. I roasted my ass off last night cleaning the filter. Hoping that I can get it back to blue asap.
Time to skedaddle. Please remember Kevin Todt and family in your prayers, and send good juju to my Auntie Nut too.
Love you cheeseheads.
S
***Okay, 2 more things.
1. My fucking pool is back to being GREEN!!!! AAAGGGHHHHH!!!! I am so over dealing with this stupid thing. It's always been such a no-maintenance pool, and all of this extra work I'm doing on it is KILLING ME!!! I cleaned the filter last night, put in some chemicals & let it run a few hours. I stayed up extra late specifically to turn the filter off. Pretty sure I can't afford to run the thing overnight. I was out there again at 6 a.m. turning the filter back on... and I get home to GREEN WATER?!?!?! I am seriously ready to off myself.
2. I will NOT off myself... at least not until after tomorrow. I have an appointment to use the Mother's Day gift that Finn got for me... a massage AND a facial, beginning at 11 a.m. Thursday. Now way in HELL am I missing that!!!!
***PLEASE GO VOTE FOR COMFORT ZONE CAMP!!!!!!!***
Trying to survive and thrive, through the most difficult time in my life.
Welcome!
So here's the Reader's Digest version for those of you who are new to my blog.... My 39 year old husband, David, was diagnosed with a hideous and deadly cancer in April of '08. We were told he'd likely die in less than 4 months. Obviously, that diagnosis turned us inside out and shook us to the core. At the time, our boys were 12 and 4... can you say 'fucking nightmare'??? I spent the next 14 months being his 24/7 caregiver and advocate... never leaving his side unless it was to get the boys to or from therapy or their cancer support groups. Cancer and the hell that it brings became our universe. And yet, I was able to get myself to a place where I was depending on my faith.... existing on a plane of pure gratitude. I focused my energies on recognizing the blessings that cancer had brought to our lives... yes, there ARE blessings that come with such a dire diagnosis.
Things were good. David miraculously entered remission in April of '09. I was looking forward to the next few months being our 'summer of healing' as a family. And then my world stopped. He left me... left US... on 6 June 2009. And FYI... he told me he was ending our 18 year marriage in a note. As if that wasn't bad enough, he had left me for a 'friend' who also happened to be married. Nice. The next few months are a blur... I descended into a deep, dark depression, and David's vicious treatment of me didn't help. He was running as fast as he could from everything associated with cancer, and that included me... our family, our home and the entire life we had built together. Things went from bad to worse when his cancer returned with a vengeance. He began treatment once again, and I had to dig deep to help him and make things as easy on him as possible. I even offered to have him move home so I could care for him through his treatment. As it turns out, it was a good thing he didn't take me up on that. The hateful way that he treated me during that time would have made caregiving for him an unbearable situation. I KNEW he was dying... nobody else did, because he fed them all kinds of bullshit... but I knew. Because of that, I focused on the boys and made sure they were with their daddy as much as possible.
His final months were a living nightmare... a kind of pain and darkness for which there are no words. No human being, no matter who they are or how they lived their lives, should have to suffer the horrific pain and endless indignities that David did. In spite of everything, I was with him constantly, much to the chagrin of his girlfriend and his mother. 'Too fuckin bad' was my theory. I wanted my boys to see that I NEVER turned my back on their dad. And I didn't. I continued to advocate for him in the hospital... fighting to get him the meds and the specialists he needed. I was there during his final moments of consciousness. I took Reilly to say goodbye to his dad, just before he slipped into that state. I was there when he died. I ID'd his body at the funeral home. I planned his funeral and his Celebration of Life. I placed his ashes in the wall of the Columbarium at the Naval Academy. We had spent half of our lives together, and though I was no longer in love with him, I did those things out of respect for the life that we shared and the family that we created.The 6 months since he died have brought more changes. I struggle daily to untangle the financial disaster he left me, and I'm fighting like hell to keep our home. The boys are now 15 and 7 and trying to learn how to move forward in their lives without their daddy. I had to get a part-time job after spending 15 years as a full-time mother, and I'm doing everything I can to trim the fat so we can afford to stay where we are. My boys NEED the stability and comfort that come with remaining in our home and community, and staying in their schools. To that end, I will fight with every fiber of my soul to ensure that those things happen.My greatest blessing is that I now have an incredible man in my life... a man who is thoughtful and loving, strong and sensitive, hilariously funny, and who loves me just the way I am. He is authentic. He knows who he is and is completely comfortable in his own skin. It certainly doesn't hurt that he's 11 years younger than I am and sexy as hell. :0)Yes, my boys are struggling in many ways... the therapy and support groups continue... and I still have MUCHO 'death business' to handle. That said, I am starting to believe that there might be a happy future ahead... for all of us.The past almost 3 years have been quite an emotional roller coaster, to say the least. Writing has been the most important part of my day, every day, since this journey began. I am once again being put in a position where I have to learn to survive... spiritually, emotionally, physically, financially... you get the picture. My hope is that I can hold on to my faith, find a moment of joy in every day, be the best mother I can possibly be, and hopefully... one day... emerge back into the light.December 2010
Fuck clearing up the pool. Throw a floating log and a couple of fish in there and you'll have your "cement pond". Hee. T.
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