It's been a pretty great weekend... nothing pressing on the books, but got a lot accomplished around the house. Had my Friday evening alone with Finn, and Rei is STILL at his friend's house. Niiiice. It's amazing how calm everything is without Senor Walking Hormone at home. The toddler is more even keeled than he is these days!!! The kids were playing beautifully this morning and we even got to sleep in... not much, but a few extra minutes makes a big difference. I decided I was feeling good enough to tackle some 'scary mail', and figure out what things I positively HAVE to accomplish this week. BAD IDEA!!!! Now I'm completely overwhelmed... AGAIN... and scared shitless. That loan mod paperwork is due by the 10th, so I figured I'd go through it all, one more time, to see what holes I could fill in. Nada! Zip! Zero!!! I swear to God, that shit may as well be written in Chinese. I can't understand ANY of it. Talk about making me feel stupid. They want all kinds of tax documents, proof of income, an itemized monthly budget, this affidavit, that affidavit.... on and on it goes. I know it doesn't sound difficult, but there are all of these extra notations... "if you're in this situation, file form abc red"... if you're in that situation, file form xyz blue"... and don't forget to send us one of your bloody limbs AND your first born.... unless your first born is a boy, then send us a cat. Seriously.... it's all SO convoluted. And the thing that's REALLY funny???? On every single page, it says "We're here to help you." I call BULLSHIT!!!! I've called them a zillion times. I always get a different person and they NEVER have the same answers. Even after they assigned me a 'case manager'... doesn't matter... I can't EVER get that dude on the phone. I can't believe that I'm the ONLY person going through this who doesn't have a fuckin clue how to gather this shit, or what exactly it is that they want. It seems like they make it as difficult as possible, so you miss your deadline and then you're really fucked.
The only good news is that I've continued to file every document as they've come in. I have a tax folder, an insurance folder, one for each bank, etc... 14 files in all that comprise my death business bag. Gross. I immediately sent an e-mail to my financial guy telling him what's up and that I NEED to see him this week so he can walk me through this paperwork. I didn't hear back from him the last time I reached out, so he'd better fucking call me TOMORROW. And hopefully, the files I've been keeping will provide the info that I need.
I also just got my first 'claim' against the estate.... a credit card of David's with a $17,000.00 balance. So far, I've just continued to get bills from all of his creditors. This is the first one that sent a document acknowledging his death, and requesting repayment from the estate. Good luck fuckers! There's less than $500.00 left in the estate account, and I'll be withdrawing that tomorrow to apply to my attorney bills. Legal costs and funeral expenses are the ONLY things that I'M authorized to spend that money on. Too bad for you, bozos!!! I just hope they do their investigation and close out the case before there's any payout from SDSI. But there are SO many people after the estate, I'm sure whatever money we get will be completely eaten up. It probably sounds shitty that I want to tell all of these creditors to go screw, but seriously, why should my kids & I be on the hook ? He's DEAD people, and I was NOT a co-borrower on ANY of this shit!!! Call it a loss and go on about your business. I'm sure the credit card companies will be JUST fine. It's not like these are my bills that I'm just trying to make go away... if that's what I wanted to do, I would have filed for bankruptcy by now.
Also on tap for tomorrow is a trip to the UPS store. There are at least 6 or 7 NEW places that want me to fax David's death certificate. Awesome. I also have a pile of envelopes from companies who have YET to be notified of his death. Those will be some fun calls. And then I guarantee that they'll each want a death certificate too. Just curious.... who dropped the fuckin ball???? This is all shit that my Wills, Trusts & Estates attorney was supposed to handle. I sure as fuck don't want to get in touch and ask though.... they charge me 75 bucks every time they read one of my e-mails!!!!
More fun to be had... a stop at the DMV to deal with my registration. I guess I should call that douchebag dentist and thank him for letting me go. It certainly seems that I wouldn't have the time to work this week anyway. I sure wouldn't mind stopping by there and fire-bombing his office.... dick.
Off to Costco I go. Many hungry peeps to feed, and they outnumber us... NOT good.
Later...
S
Trying to survive and thrive, through the most difficult time in my life.
Welcome!
So here's the Reader's Digest version for those of you who are new to my blog.... My 39 year old husband, David, was diagnosed with a hideous and deadly cancer in April of '08. We were told he'd likely die in less than 4 months. Obviously, that diagnosis turned us inside out and shook us to the core. At the time, our boys were 12 and 4... can you say 'fucking nightmare'??? I spent the next 14 months being his 24/7 caregiver and advocate... never leaving his side unless it was to get the boys to or from therapy or their cancer support groups. Cancer and the hell that it brings became our universe. And yet, I was able to get myself to a place where I was depending on my faith.... existing on a plane of pure gratitude. I focused my energies on recognizing the blessings that cancer had brought to our lives... yes, there ARE blessings that come with such a dire diagnosis.
Things were good. David miraculously entered remission in April of '09. I was looking forward to the next few months being our 'summer of healing' as a family. And then my world stopped. He left me... left US... on 6 June 2009. And FYI... he told me he was ending our 18 year marriage in a note. As if that wasn't bad enough, he had left me for a 'friend' who also happened to be married. Nice. The next few months are a blur... I descended into a deep, dark depression, and David's vicious treatment of me didn't help. He was running as fast as he could from everything associated with cancer, and that included me... our family, our home and the entire life we had built together. Things went from bad to worse when his cancer returned with a vengeance. He began treatment once again, and I had to dig deep to help him and make things as easy on him as possible. I even offered to have him move home so I could care for him through his treatment. As it turns out, it was a good thing he didn't take me up on that. The hateful way that he treated me during that time would have made caregiving for him an unbearable situation. I KNEW he was dying... nobody else did, because he fed them all kinds of bullshit... but I knew. Because of that, I focused on the boys and made sure they were with their daddy as much as possible.
His final months were a living nightmare... a kind of pain and darkness for which there are no words. No human being, no matter who they are or how they lived their lives, should have to suffer the horrific pain and endless indignities that David did. In spite of everything, I was with him constantly, much to the chagrin of his girlfriend and his mother. 'Too fuckin bad' was my theory. I wanted my boys to see that I NEVER turned my back on their dad. And I didn't. I continued to advocate for him in the hospital... fighting to get him the meds and the specialists he needed. I was there during his final moments of consciousness. I took Reilly to say goodbye to his dad, just before he slipped into that state. I was there when he died. I ID'd his body at the funeral home. I planned his funeral and his Celebration of Life. I placed his ashes in the wall of the Columbarium at the Naval Academy. We had spent half of our lives together, and though I was no longer in love with him, I did those things out of respect for the life that we shared and the family that we created.The 6 months since he died have brought more changes. I struggle daily to untangle the financial disaster he left me, and I'm fighting like hell to keep our home. The boys are now 15 and 7 and trying to learn how to move forward in their lives without their daddy. I had to get a part-time job after spending 15 years as a full-time mother, and I'm doing everything I can to trim the fat so we can afford to stay where we are. My boys NEED the stability and comfort that come with remaining in our home and community, and staying in their schools. To that end, I will fight with every fiber of my soul to ensure that those things happen.My greatest blessing is that I now have an incredible man in my life... a man who is thoughtful and loving, strong and sensitive, hilariously funny, and who loves me just the way I am. He is authentic. He knows who he is and is completely comfortable in his own skin. It certainly doesn't hurt that he's 11 years younger than I am and sexy as hell. :0)Yes, my boys are struggling in many ways... the therapy and support groups continue... and I still have MUCHO 'death business' to handle. That said, I am starting to believe that there might be a happy future ahead... for all of us.The past almost 3 years have been quite an emotional roller coaster, to say the least. Writing has been the most important part of my day, every day, since this journey began. I am once again being put in a position where I have to learn to survive... spiritually, emotionally, physically, financially... you get the picture. My hope is that I can hold on to my faith, find a moment of joy in every day, be the best mother I can possibly be, and hopefully... one day... emerge back into the light.December 2010
30 January 2011
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Damn it! I hate feeling overwhelmed and the shit you're dealing with is wayyyy overwhelming. Wish I had some encouraging words to share but I've got nothing! It doesn't help that I am grumpy. My girls had a basketball game in Los Gatos today and I just hate when we have to play there. The parents are so rude and disrespectful to us....I think they look down their rich noses at us and think we 're all just a bunch of stupid hicks. I finally couldn't bite my tongue any longer and had some words with this one man who was being so disrespectful. Then to make matterz worse, we had been down by 11 points, got within 2 and Katie makes a 3 point shot at the buzzer!! It was beautiful! We are all excited and suddenly the ref says the basket doesn't count and called traveling on her!! She got a bad call and it was just shocking to all of us because it was so blatant!! It makes me SICK when adults rob kids of those moments! DISGUSTING!
ReplyDeleteUghhh!! Sorry...try to post from my phone and have problems with it. Its not helping my crabbiness so I better say good night!! Love you lots and lots!
ReplyDeleteMiss Bon Bon... I'm sorry those parents were such shit bags to you guys, and I HATE that Katie was robbed of her basket. That blows!!! However.... you DO realize that I hail from Los Gatos, right? :0) No worries... I know EXACTLY the kind of people you're talking about. All of us who went to Leigh High School, rather than Los Gatos High School... even those of us who LIVED in Los Gatos... were treated like road kill. They HATED us, thought we were white trash and made SURE that we knew it!!! That just made victory that much sweeter in my senior year... after 24 years of defeat by their football team, we beat 'em 21 to 17!!! And went to CCS! Yeah... I remember the score... it was a BIG fuckin deal!!! Love you doll!
ReplyDeleteJust witnessed you spinning yourself into a tiz just on this post alone.....
ReplyDeleteCan you open just the envelopes that need attention immediately? Or just give yourself 30 minutes (with a timer) to go through them? Some of your other followers may have some better ideas for dealing with creditors by being on one or the other ends of this problem. I wish there was a magic solution to all of this.
Sending you good vibes from California.
xoxo
AN