I am happy to tell you that the meeting with my financial planner today was very productive. This guy is an ANGEL. Seriously... he is doing SO much work for me, and all for free. He also recruited one of his close friends and colleagues today... that guy is a CPA and is going to take over handling the tax nightmare that I've been dealing with. Scratch that... the tax nightmare I've been PAYING attorneys to deal with. And yes... Ed got his friend to offer his services pro bono too. Holy shit... I'll take it. :0) The best news is that he literally filled out all of the loan mod documents with me sitting there, and then submitted the packet to Wells Fargo. That is a GIANT thing off my to-do list. Obviously, I have no way of knowing what, if anything, will come of it... but at least the part that's been hanging over my head since I started this process LAST MARCH... is finished. Now we wait... and pray.
I'm going back to see him in two weeks so we can do some planning. Yeah... NOT looking forward to that. He had a whole power point spread sheet up on the wall with all of my income and expenses plugged in, and he's starting out by planning until I'm 65. Again, I'd be in much better shape if I didn't have this enormous mortgage payment hanging like a noose around my neck. But if there's ANY WAY IN HELL to make it happen, I'd like to stay there until Rory finishes 5th grade. This lil guy needs to stay in that tiny country school. And yes, if something else more manageable becomes available in our attendance area in that time, then I'll certainly consider moving.
Speaking of my lil guy... he's having a really rough week. His teacher has been e-mailing me that he has been kind of out of it... sort of spacey and not really able to focus. Totally normal for the timeline, but I HATE that he is suffering so. On that note, I'm seriously considering staying in a hotel near the camp this weekend. It's almost 3 hours from our house, and I'm really feeling like I should be close by if he just can't make it. True, money that I shouldn't spend... but I don't think I have a choice. It actually makes more sense for me to stay there anyway... We get to meet the kid's 'big buddies' between 5 and 6 tomorrow evening, and then there is a parent's dinner and support group meeting after that. Then on Sunday, the closing ceremonies start at 12:45. They do a big healing circle and each child is given the opportunity to pay tribute to their parent. That's a lot of damn driving for not much time at home. So I'll be looking into hotels when we get home from Rory's grief group tonight. The shitty part for me? I don't want to be away from my Finn! I know... boo fuckin' hoo.
Gota scram & pick up the little man. More later.
xoxo
S
Trying to survive and thrive, through the most difficult time in my life.
Welcome!
So here's the Reader's Digest version for those of you who are new to my blog.... My 39 year old husband, David, was diagnosed with a hideous and deadly cancer in April of '08. We were told he'd likely die in less than 4 months. Obviously, that diagnosis turned us inside out and shook us to the core. At the time, our boys were 12 and 4... can you say 'fucking nightmare'??? I spent the next 14 months being his 24/7 caregiver and advocate... never leaving his side unless it was to get the boys to or from therapy or their cancer support groups. Cancer and the hell that it brings became our universe. And yet, I was able to get myself to a place where I was depending on my faith.... existing on a plane of pure gratitude. I focused my energies on recognizing the blessings that cancer had brought to our lives... yes, there ARE blessings that come with such a dire diagnosis.
Things were good. David miraculously entered remission in April of '09. I was looking forward to the next few months being our 'summer of healing' as a family. And then my world stopped. He left me... left US... on 6 June 2009. And FYI... he told me he was ending our 18 year marriage in a note. As if that wasn't bad enough, he had left me for a 'friend' who also happened to be married. Nice. The next few months are a blur... I descended into a deep, dark depression, and David's vicious treatment of me didn't help. He was running as fast as he could from everything associated with cancer, and that included me... our family, our home and the entire life we had built together. Things went from bad to worse when his cancer returned with a vengeance. He began treatment once again, and I had to dig deep to help him and make things as easy on him as possible. I even offered to have him move home so I could care for him through his treatment. As it turns out, it was a good thing he didn't take me up on that. The hateful way that he treated me during that time would have made caregiving for him an unbearable situation. I KNEW he was dying... nobody else did, because he fed them all kinds of bullshit... but I knew. Because of that, I focused on the boys and made sure they were with their daddy as much as possible.
His final months were a living nightmare... a kind of pain and darkness for which there are no words. No human being, no matter who they are or how they lived their lives, should have to suffer the horrific pain and endless indignities that David did. In spite of everything, I was with him constantly, much to the chagrin of his girlfriend and his mother. 'Too fuckin bad' was my theory. I wanted my boys to see that I NEVER turned my back on their dad. And I didn't. I continued to advocate for him in the hospital... fighting to get him the meds and the specialists he needed. I was there during his final moments of consciousness. I took Reilly to say goodbye to his dad, just before he slipped into that state. I was there when he died. I ID'd his body at the funeral home. I planned his funeral and his Celebration of Life. I placed his ashes in the wall of the Columbarium at the Naval Academy. We had spent half of our lives together, and though I was no longer in love with him, I did those things out of respect for the life that we shared and the family that we created.The 6 months since he died have brought more changes. I struggle daily to untangle the financial disaster he left me, and I'm fighting like hell to keep our home. The boys are now 15 and 7 and trying to learn how to move forward in their lives without their daddy. I had to get a part-time job after spending 15 years as a full-time mother, and I'm doing everything I can to trim the fat so we can afford to stay where we are. My boys NEED the stability and comfort that come with remaining in our home and community, and staying in their schools. To that end, I will fight with every fiber of my soul to ensure that those things happen.My greatest blessing is that I now have an incredible man in my life... a man who is thoughtful and loving, strong and sensitive, hilariously funny, and who loves me just the way I am. He is authentic. He knows who he is and is completely comfortable in his own skin. It certainly doesn't hurt that he's 11 years younger than I am and sexy as hell. :0)Yes, my boys are struggling in many ways... the therapy and support groups continue... and I still have MUCHO 'death business' to handle. That said, I am starting to believe that there might be a happy future ahead... for all of us.The past almost 3 years have been quite an emotional roller coaster, to say the least. Writing has been the most important part of my day, every day, since this journey began. I am once again being put in a position where I have to learn to survive... spiritually, emotionally, physically, financially... you get the picture. My hope is that I can hold on to my faith, find a moment of joy in every day, be the best mother I can possibly be, and hopefully... one day... emerge back into the light.December 2010
I truly hope Rory has a great time at camp!! Sounds like he could use the distraction. And it will suck for you to be away from Finn, but absence makes the heart grow fonder. Seems you might finally have that financial tiger by the tail. Maybe not from a cash perspective, but at least from an organizational one. Sending spectacularly positive juju on the loan mod dealio. Late, T.
ReplyDeleteSweetie!
ReplyDeleteThere are decent hotels that are cheap.
Go to "cheaphotels.com" airbnb.com
Look for last minute bargains.
Follow your heart, not your pocketbook.
If you need to be near Rory, be there.
You won't be away from Finn very long.
He understands.
Your financial Guru sounds like a Saint.
Who would do this for you during a very
busy time of year? Be open to suggestions.
You don't have to do anything, just know
your options.
Praying for Rory and his little broken heart.
Poor little munchkin.
You are amazing....We love you lots!
~AN~