Well, well well.... a certain teenaged yard ape thaought he'd get one past me today. He mentioned yesterday that there were a couple basketball games at Woodgrove tonight & that he wanted to stay after school to catch 'em. He'd worked it all out and was planning on getting a ride home from his friend's mom. Yesterday.... while he was STILL at Austen's... I made the HIDEOUS mistake of going down into the basement. Will I EVER learn??? Jesus H Christ on a popsicle stick... that kid is a PIG. Yeah... pretty much EXACTLY like his father. We had words when he got home & he was given very specific instructions as to what needed to be done immediately. As far as the games were concerned, I left it at "we'll see". He was very apologetic and seemed to do some cleaning up. Cut to this afternoon... I didn't make it to the club, so I decided to put the treadmill to use. My plan was to workout while Rory & Leilei played, then shower, then make dinner. Things didn't go quite as planned.... I went downstairs only to find it even MORE disgusting than it was yesterday. How did he DO that???? He was at school all day!!! I called him immediately & his phone was turned off. It was 4:00.. he was OUT of school. I've already told him repeatedly, that if he doesn't start using that phone for it's intended purpose... ME being able to get a hold of the butt plug... that it's gonna disappear.
By then I was FURIOUS. I started poking around and grew more and more pissed with each passing second. He has a habit of stuffing garbage in every nook and cranny he can find. God forbid he get off his ass and put something in a garbage can. There were STILL dirty dishes everywhere, open containers of food, dirty clothes strewn about, and probably 200 DVD's OUT of their cases and just tossed around. I could barely see, I was so mad.
At 4:30 the asshat calls me. Long story short, that's almost exactly the time he walks in the door from school, but he was still AT school. He feigned surprise and said that we'd talked about it this morning and I had told him it was fine. Uhhhh, no.... I think I'd remember that! Especially today of all days... it's not like we had a quick chat before I dropped him at his bus stop. I drove his ass to school!!!!! I have NO doubt that he was counting on the fact that I wouldn't be able to leave home to pick him up, and then he'd be able to stay by default. As much as he bitches about having the other kids in the house, now he's using that fact to his advantage. He KNOWS how important the family schedule is.... homework, dinner, baths, reading, bed... etc., and he makes it work for him. I told him how angry I was, how disgusted I was about the state of the basement, and that when he got home he'd be losing his phone until further notice. And then I had a BRILLIANT idea... why not surprise the kid by showing up at school???? I got dinner on the table for everyone and dashed out of the house. I SPECIFICALLY wore my workout clothes... that means I was sportin a tank top... yep, tattoos a blazin!!! And of course, the pink hair. I had a very specific mission: OPERATION HUMILIATION !!!
Evidently, one of his friends saw me come in the building, and shot him a quick warning text. By the time I got to him, he was no longer in the gym, rather out in the hallway. No matter... I marched his ass right back in there. And we stood... at the bottom of the bleachers, just long enough for everyone to get a good look at me, and to see that I was his MOM. That was in the gym where the jv team was playing. We then went into the other gym, where the freshman were playing.... and everyone knows him.
As we were walking out, he asked if he could go to the cafeteria to say goodbye to his friends. Sure. He walked in & I could see through the glass that they were all laughing hysterically. Being the bitch that I am, I went in too.... and you could hear a pin drop. I said, "hi guys... let this be a lesson... DON'T LIE TO YOUR MOTHERS!!!" Then I turned around so they could see my back and said, "get a good look.... take it all in. Reilly, get in the fuckin car!!!"
It was fabulous. Brilliant. Priceless. You may think it a bit harsh, but I say, nay nay. The kid needs to learn that I'm STILL in charge... that he is, in fact, STILL a kid, and he will NOT defy me. I'm fairly certain that he got the point.
xoxo
S
***To.... you ROCK with the new names!!! Can't wait to try em out!!! :0)
Trying to survive and thrive, through the most difficult time in my life.
Welcome!
So here's the Reader's Digest version for those of you who are new to my blog.... My 39 year old husband, David, was diagnosed with a hideous and deadly cancer in April of '08. We were told he'd likely die in less than 4 months. Obviously, that diagnosis turned us inside out and shook us to the core. At the time, our boys were 12 and 4... can you say 'fucking nightmare'??? I spent the next 14 months being his 24/7 caregiver and advocate... never leaving his side unless it was to get the boys to or from therapy or their cancer support groups. Cancer and the hell that it brings became our universe. And yet, I was able to get myself to a place where I was depending on my faith.... existing on a plane of pure gratitude. I focused my energies on recognizing the blessings that cancer had brought to our lives... yes, there ARE blessings that come with such a dire diagnosis.
Things were good. David miraculously entered remission in April of '09. I was looking forward to the next few months being our 'summer of healing' as a family. And then my world stopped. He left me... left US... on 6 June 2009. And FYI... he told me he was ending our 18 year marriage in a note. As if that wasn't bad enough, he had left me for a 'friend' who also happened to be married. Nice. The next few months are a blur... I descended into a deep, dark depression, and David's vicious treatment of me didn't help. He was running as fast as he could from everything associated with cancer, and that included me... our family, our home and the entire life we had built together. Things went from bad to worse when his cancer returned with a vengeance. He began treatment once again, and I had to dig deep to help him and make things as easy on him as possible. I even offered to have him move home so I could care for him through his treatment. As it turns out, it was a good thing he didn't take me up on that. The hateful way that he treated me during that time would have made caregiving for him an unbearable situation. I KNEW he was dying... nobody else did, because he fed them all kinds of bullshit... but I knew. Because of that, I focused on the boys and made sure they were with their daddy as much as possible.
His final months were a living nightmare... a kind of pain and darkness for which there are no words. No human being, no matter who they are or how they lived their lives, should have to suffer the horrific pain and endless indignities that David did. In spite of everything, I was with him constantly, much to the chagrin of his girlfriend and his mother. 'Too fuckin bad' was my theory. I wanted my boys to see that I NEVER turned my back on their dad. And I didn't. I continued to advocate for him in the hospital... fighting to get him the meds and the specialists he needed. I was there during his final moments of consciousness. I took Reilly to say goodbye to his dad, just before he slipped into that state. I was there when he died. I ID'd his body at the funeral home. I planned his funeral and his Celebration of Life. I placed his ashes in the wall of the Columbarium at the Naval Academy. We had spent half of our lives together, and though I was no longer in love with him, I did those things out of respect for the life that we shared and the family that we created.The 6 months since he died have brought more changes. I struggle daily to untangle the financial disaster he left me, and I'm fighting like hell to keep our home. The boys are now 15 and 7 and trying to learn how to move forward in their lives without their daddy. I had to get a part-time job after spending 15 years as a full-time mother, and I'm doing everything I can to trim the fat so we can afford to stay where we are. My boys NEED the stability and comfort that come with remaining in our home and community, and staying in their schools. To that end, I will fight with every fiber of my soul to ensure that those things happen.My greatest blessing is that I now have an incredible man in my life... a man who is thoughtful and loving, strong and sensitive, hilariously funny, and who loves me just the way I am. He is authentic. He knows who he is and is completely comfortable in his own skin. It certainly doesn't hurt that he's 11 years younger than I am and sexy as hell. :0)Yes, my boys are struggling in many ways... the therapy and support groups continue... and I still have MUCHO 'death business' to handle. That said, I am starting to believe that there might be a happy future ahead... for all of us.The past almost 3 years have been quite an emotional roller coaster, to say the least. Writing has been the most important part of my day, every day, since this journey began. I am once again being put in a position where I have to learn to survive... spiritually, emotionally, physically, financially... you get the picture. My hope is that I can hold on to my faith, find a moment of joy in every day, be the best mother I can possibly be, and hopefully... one day... emerge back into the light.December 2010
Shanny.....
ReplyDeleteI love reading this story because it doesn't make me feel so crazy. Teenagers will do that to us. I remember my mom STANDING on top of her car yelling to the group of kids with Marni in the middle of them, "I'm Marni's mom, I'm Marni's mom". Hilarious. I had never seen her get in the car that fast.
We gotta do what we gotta do. Hang in there. Teenagers are so much fun but can give you such a headache at the same time.
Brilliant!!Absolutely brilliant!! It took awhile to read as I was laughing so hard picturing Reilly's face and everyone's reactions. You ROCK!!
ReplyDeleteOne of the perks of being a mom with a teenager.
ReplyDeleteYou Byotch!
Shan... I had tried to post.. at least I got this far and hit post comment.. guess it didn't take, sorry! I wish I had kids so I could use "Operation Humiliation"!
ReplyDelete