Well hello my noodlie doodlies. Before I regale you with tales of the MOST spectacular new dental office assistant on the eastern seaboard... read: MOI... I have to mention something FAR more important... my fabulous, thoughtful, amazing and wonderful Finn. How much time have you got??? He had to stay home with the wee one today, but that didn't slow him down. Evidently, they ventured out for a few things. I came home from my first day of work to a house filled with wonderful smells. He was cooking dinner. And not the Costco shiz I had picked up yesterday... no... he was making some sort of chicken soup FROM SCRATCH!!!! I don't think you quite understand what something like that means in my world. It was a serious 'holy fuckballs' moment. Yes, he cooks often, which is something I always appreciate. But the trouble that he went to, just to make something special for today... talk about being gobsmacked. Add to that, this beautiful man brought me a gorgeous potted hyacinth, in pink... natch. I slept all of about 4 minutes last night because of the anxiety leading up to today, so he even wrangled all 4 kiddos and helped with homework so I could go lay down for a while. All this AS he prepared dinner. DAYUM!!!! I luvvves him HAWWWWWARD!!!!! (That's one of my favorite Finn-isms, by the way... 'I love you so HAWWWWRD girl!') Methinks he's a keeper. :0)
So the job.... what's to tell really? I'm not curing cancer or doing anything that's going to change the world... I'm a glorified receptionist. Whatever. It WAS actually kind of fun. I spend the majority of my time on the phone, which I'm sure you have gathered is NO problem for me. I also have other things to do around the office like replacing the files of patients that were in that day, pulling charts for the next day's appointments, printing out the latest info on each patient so the doc can do a once-over before they arrive, and prepping the schedules for each provider and operatory for the next day. I DO think that Val, the office manager, was impressed with my ability to multi-task, and she certainly noticed that she didn't have to ASK me to do any of those routine things... I just made 'em happen. I had many questions, mostly about the scheduling of appointments. It's SUCH a clusterfuck to decipher the daily schedule that I'm not even setting appointments for the doctor yet... just the hygenists. He's a 'restorative dentist', which means he does things like veneers, bridges, posts, etc., and each procedure takes a different amount of time. It'll take me a bit to learn the procedure codes and the timelines. Val is really the only one I work with and she's very easy-going, sweet and funny. She was also very receptive to all of my questions and totally gets that there is a learning curve with this job. Everyone else in the office made their way over at some point to welcome me and tell me how happy they were to have me there. They defintely made me feel at home.
There are certainly growth opportunities there. Dr. Repole is totally old-school and doesn't like digital photography. That means there is a lot of film to develop and they have their own darkroom. I don't know if many of you realize this, but photography was a passion of mine for many years. I even took a lot of photography classes while in college. Now, with everything being digital, it's nearly impossible to get your hands dirty in an actual darkroom, so I'm DEFINITELY looking forward to that. They are also happy to train me in dental assisting, should that be something I 'd like to try. We'll see. The good news is that there are some open doors that could possibly lead somewhere down the line. For now, I think I'll concentrate on mastering all of those fucking codes!!!
Gotta scram... took Reilly over to Woodgrove so he could watch the freshman and jv basketball games tonight. Now I have to go back to pick his ass up. I really wanted to do it for him though, since he's been so pleasant of late. Trying to kill him with kindness!!!
Thanks for all of the love and support today. I know you guys have REAL jobs and have been working every day for ages, but his is all new to me. Having you in my cheering section means everything to me. :0)
I luvvves my peeps HAWWWWARD!!!!!
xoxo
S
Trying to survive and thrive, through the most difficult time in my life.
Welcome!
So here's the Reader's Digest version for those of you who are new to my blog.... My 39 year old husband, David, was diagnosed with a hideous and deadly cancer in April of '08. We were told he'd likely die in less than 4 months. Obviously, that diagnosis turned us inside out and shook us to the core. At the time, our boys were 12 and 4... can you say 'fucking nightmare'??? I spent the next 14 months being his 24/7 caregiver and advocate... never leaving his side unless it was to get the boys to or from therapy or their cancer support groups. Cancer and the hell that it brings became our universe. And yet, I was able to get myself to a place where I was depending on my faith.... existing on a plane of pure gratitude. I focused my energies on recognizing the blessings that cancer had brought to our lives... yes, there ARE blessings that come with such a dire diagnosis.
Things were good. David miraculously entered remission in April of '09. I was looking forward to the next few months being our 'summer of healing' as a family. And then my world stopped. He left me... left US... on 6 June 2009. And FYI... he told me he was ending our 18 year marriage in a note. As if that wasn't bad enough, he had left me for a 'friend' who also happened to be married. Nice. The next few months are a blur... I descended into a deep, dark depression, and David's vicious treatment of me didn't help. He was running as fast as he could from everything associated with cancer, and that included me... our family, our home and the entire life we had built together. Things went from bad to worse when his cancer returned with a vengeance. He began treatment once again, and I had to dig deep to help him and make things as easy on him as possible. I even offered to have him move home so I could care for him through his treatment. As it turns out, it was a good thing he didn't take me up on that. The hateful way that he treated me during that time would have made caregiving for him an unbearable situation. I KNEW he was dying... nobody else did, because he fed them all kinds of bullshit... but I knew. Because of that, I focused on the boys and made sure they were with their daddy as much as possible.
His final months were a living nightmare... a kind of pain and darkness for which there are no words. No human being, no matter who they are or how they lived their lives, should have to suffer the horrific pain and endless indignities that David did. In spite of everything, I was with him constantly, much to the chagrin of his girlfriend and his mother. 'Too fuckin bad' was my theory. I wanted my boys to see that I NEVER turned my back on their dad. And I didn't. I continued to advocate for him in the hospital... fighting to get him the meds and the specialists he needed. I was there during his final moments of consciousness. I took Reilly to say goodbye to his dad, just before he slipped into that state. I was there when he died. I ID'd his body at the funeral home. I planned his funeral and his Celebration of Life. I placed his ashes in the wall of the Columbarium at the Naval Academy. We had spent half of our lives together, and though I was no longer in love with him, I did those things out of respect for the life that we shared and the family that we created.The 6 months since he died have brought more changes. I struggle daily to untangle the financial disaster he left me, and I'm fighting like hell to keep our home. The boys are now 15 and 7 and trying to learn how to move forward in their lives without their daddy. I had to get a part-time job after spending 15 years as a full-time mother, and I'm doing everything I can to trim the fat so we can afford to stay where we are. My boys NEED the stability and comfort that come with remaining in our home and community, and staying in their schools. To that end, I will fight with every fiber of my soul to ensure that those things happen.My greatest blessing is that I now have an incredible man in my life... a man who is thoughtful and loving, strong and sensitive, hilariously funny, and who loves me just the way I am. He is authentic. He knows who he is and is completely comfortable in his own skin. It certainly doesn't hurt that he's 11 years younger than I am and sexy as hell. :0)Yes, my boys are struggling in many ways... the therapy and support groups continue... and I still have MUCHO 'death business' to handle. That said, I am starting to believe that there might be a happy future ahead... for all of us.The past almost 3 years have been quite an emotional roller coaster, to say the least. Writing has been the most important part of my day, every day, since this journey began. I am once again being put in a position where I have to learn to survive... spiritually, emotionally, physically, financially... you get the picture. My hope is that I can hold on to my faith, find a moment of joy in every day, be the best mother I can possibly be, and hopefully... one day... emerge back into the light.December 2010
Hi Shannon, I finally made my way over to see your new site. I have not been able to keep up as much lately with your other blog because of school and family life. I am so happy that things are going so well for you and the boys. The three of you deserve to be happy! Congrats on your new job. As you know I started to work in September and although its only 10 hours a week, its still an adjustment. Good Luck!! Allison
ReplyDeleteHoney;
ReplyDeleteYou have changed the world already. Look around you. You are doing amazing things. You have a wonderful home; full of warmth and laughter. You had to go through the wood chipper to do it, but you are headed in the right direction. Many bumps ahead, but with the last two plus years you've had, you are Wonder Shantastic Woman and you will be able to handle it. And remember we are here to help or to back you up! No one can call you a lazy ass.
xoxoxo
AN
Any job is a REAL job. I just knew you would be Shantastic. How fun to be able to develop film. It has been a million years since I did that. I actually even like the smells :)
ReplyDeleteYou have yourself an Angel in Finn...not that I need to tell you that. He seems to go out of his way to make you feel special. It warms my heart! Unfortunately, I work from home so after working 8 hours, I shift from my office to fetching the kids from their after school rec programs and shuffle them to various practices and then home to cook dinner. Never a break in my day. I don't think Richard really gets it. Not that he doesnt work hard (his job has been very stressful lately), but I think he thinks like I have all the time in the world since I work from home. Nope...I WORK! And then I have all the responsibility with taking the kids to and fro. He works in Sunnyvale so it's not convenient for him to take them to appointments and such.
Anyway...I am so happy to hear you had a great first day :)
aot
r~
You are Shantabulous Miss Shannon! Thrilled beyond words for you that things are in the pink. And thank God for that man of yours. You certainly needed a reminder of the good things life has to offer. You make me smile every time I read your words. xoxoxo
ReplyDeleteHow do you see previous posts? I thought I sent one last night, but I'm not seeing a record of it. You look great in tour scrubs.
ReplyDeleteHugs,
Kadi
In "your" scrubs. The digitizer on the iPhone is so sensitive.
ReplyDelete