Hey all... trying to crawl out of the hole I fell in last week. I don't really want to talk about it... just gonna try to focus on the positive. The operative word there is "try". The good news is that the kids had a fantastic weekend. Our whole crew... Taylor, Lexie & Patrick came over Friday night to stay. I just adore them. They're all so cute together... they even went on Facebook and changed all of their profiles to list each other as siblings. :0) Lexie had to go to the doctor first thing in the morning on Saturday. Turns out, she'd gotten water in her ear last weekend during their crazy pool play & it had blosomed onto a gnarly case of swimmer's ear with a raging double ear infection. :( Rei invited another friend, Brandon, over and he ended up spending Saturday night. Lexie came back in the late afternoon so she could be with her 'brothers'. Rory was invited to sleepover at his buddy Jack's house on Saturday to celebrate Jack's birthday. I took him over at about 3:30 in the afternoon, after hearing him ask every 3 minutes, "is it time yet???" We were supposed to have our first soccer game on Saturday, but Fridays' relentless rain closed all of the fields. Good thing he had Jack's party to look forward to, otherwise Rory would have been a wreck.
Finn was gone most of Friday and Saturday and we were hoping to spend Sunday together. Sadly, he woke up to a phone call that his cousin Julia had been murdered by her husband. He then killed himself... in front of their 3 year old. Their other kids, ages 9 and 4 came home from the fair to find their parents dead. Unbelievable. Julia had filed for divorce last April, and for the past 6 months had been living with the kids in a battered women's home. She had a restraining order & things were getting better for her. She had just moved herself and the kids into their own home, but was unable to renew the restraining order because the husband hadn't 'done anything' to her in the past 6 months. Nice. So Finn raced over to pick up his mom and then headed up to Hagerstown so they could be with his grandmother for the day. (Hey Spunk... you may have heard the story.... they lived in your neck of the woods & it's been all over the news. Her name was Julia Herbert.)
I just realized I never finished the story about our CZC weekend. After the race, we were supposed to go to the Comfort Zone after-party. But once we found out we'd have to walk another 2 miles back down the race course, we said fuck it. NO WAY could we have done that. We loaded up the car and went back to the hotel for naps. I could have easily slept through the night, but the teenagers came knockin' on the door at about 5:30 to drop off Rory. They wanted to walk back over to the mall and have dinner. We had originally planned to have dinner all together, but it was clear that they needed tome teen time. Whatevs... it was fine. Rory, Finn & I went and had dinner at The Cheesecake Factory, and then Finn treated us to ice cream at Maggie Moo's. The 3 of us always have tons of fun together.
We got back to the hotel and everyone was ready to pass out. First thing in the morning, the human garbage disposals went down for a giant breakfast, and then hit the pool one last time. I had requested late check out, so we didn't have to get out of there til 1... gave them lots of time to swim and have fun. Finn & I packed up early and went to grab lunch by ourselves, before loading up the car with the crew. That was a GREAT idea. :0) Amanda's mom came to get her and there were some tears as she said goodbye. :( SO glad we had our own chauffeur, as the rest of us slept all the way home.
It was an amazing, exhilarating, incredible, exhausting weekend. It was a spectacular experience for all of us... one that I think we'll all remember forever. CZC ended up raising a total of $33,000.00 to send kids to their wonderful camps. I'm so proud that we were able to contribute as much as we did. :0)
FYI.... I had NO plans to do the race in a certain amount of time... didn't have the slighest clue how long it would, or should take. My official time was 1 hour and 27 minutes. I've been told that's very good for a first-timer/non-runner. Really? Cool.
The boys have officially decided on the next event in which they want to participate. It's called The Big Hooyaah and is sponsored by a bunch of former Navy Seals. They have a fitness company called Seal Team PT and offer classes in a few cities around Virginia. The race is September 10th. It's a 6 mile course, but there's a LOT more to it than running. I watched a video about it and it looks exactly like what David had to do while he was training to be a Seal. Lots of running.... just add some belly-crawling through the mud, log pt, canoeing, repelling, shooting... you name it. Yuck. But the boys are STOKED. The super bonus???? I had NO IDEA that they were even affiliated, but the beneficiary of the entire event is CZC. Sweet!!! I'll look up the link and post it so you can see the video from last-year's race.
Tonight is our first lacrosse away game. It's at Loudoun County High, so it's right in Leesburg. I just got a note that the wee ones don't have soccer practice tonight... yay! That makes my life SO much easier. Today was my lax snack day, so I had to drive Reilly to school and deliver a couple cases of gatorade and granola bars. It's supposed to be 85 today... should be perfect weather by game time at 6. Gotta skedaddle.
S
Trying to survive and thrive, through the most difficult time in my life.
Welcome!
So here's the Reader's Digest version for those of you who are new to my blog.... My 39 year old husband, David, was diagnosed with a hideous and deadly cancer in April of '08. We were told he'd likely die in less than 4 months. Obviously, that diagnosis turned us inside out and shook us to the core. At the time, our boys were 12 and 4... can you say 'fucking nightmare'??? I spent the next 14 months being his 24/7 caregiver and advocate... never leaving his side unless it was to get the boys to or from therapy or their cancer support groups. Cancer and the hell that it brings became our universe. And yet, I was able to get myself to a place where I was depending on my faith.... existing on a plane of pure gratitude. I focused my energies on recognizing the blessings that cancer had brought to our lives... yes, there ARE blessings that come with such a dire diagnosis.
Things were good. David miraculously entered remission in April of '09. I was looking forward to the next few months being our 'summer of healing' as a family. And then my world stopped. He left me... left US... on 6 June 2009. And FYI... he told me he was ending our 18 year marriage in a note. As if that wasn't bad enough, he had left me for a 'friend' who also happened to be married. Nice. The next few months are a blur... I descended into a deep, dark depression, and David's vicious treatment of me didn't help. He was running as fast as he could from everything associated with cancer, and that included me... our family, our home and the entire life we had built together. Things went from bad to worse when his cancer returned with a vengeance. He began treatment once again, and I had to dig deep to help him and make things as easy on him as possible. I even offered to have him move home so I could care for him through his treatment. As it turns out, it was a good thing he didn't take me up on that. The hateful way that he treated me during that time would have made caregiving for him an unbearable situation. I KNEW he was dying... nobody else did, because he fed them all kinds of bullshit... but I knew. Because of that, I focused on the boys and made sure they were with their daddy as much as possible.
His final months were a living nightmare... a kind of pain and darkness for which there are no words. No human being, no matter who they are or how they lived their lives, should have to suffer the horrific pain and endless indignities that David did. In spite of everything, I was with him constantly, much to the chagrin of his girlfriend and his mother. 'Too fuckin bad' was my theory. I wanted my boys to see that I NEVER turned my back on their dad. And I didn't. I continued to advocate for him in the hospital... fighting to get him the meds and the specialists he needed. I was there during his final moments of consciousness. I took Reilly to say goodbye to his dad, just before he slipped into that state. I was there when he died. I ID'd his body at the funeral home. I planned his funeral and his Celebration of Life. I placed his ashes in the wall of the Columbarium at the Naval Academy. We had spent half of our lives together, and though I was no longer in love with him, I did those things out of respect for the life that we shared and the family that we created.The 6 months since he died have brought more changes. I struggle daily to untangle the financial disaster he left me, and I'm fighting like hell to keep our home. The boys are now 15 and 7 and trying to learn how to move forward in their lives without their daddy. I had to get a part-time job after spending 15 years as a full-time mother, and I'm doing everything I can to trim the fat so we can afford to stay where we are. My boys NEED the stability and comfort that come with remaining in our home and community, and staying in their schools. To that end, I will fight with every fiber of my soul to ensure that those things happen.My greatest blessing is that I now have an incredible man in my life... a man who is thoughtful and loving, strong and sensitive, hilariously funny, and who loves me just the way I am. He is authentic. He knows who he is and is completely comfortable in his own skin. It certainly doesn't hurt that he's 11 years younger than I am and sexy as hell. :0)Yes, my boys are struggling in many ways... the therapy and support groups continue... and I still have MUCHO 'death business' to handle. That said, I am starting to believe that there might be a happy future ahead... for all of us.The past almost 3 years have been quite an emotional roller coaster, to say the least. Writing has been the most important part of my day, every day, since this journey began. I am once again being put in a position where I have to learn to survive... spiritually, emotionally, physically, financially... you get the picture. My hope is that I can hold on to my faith, find a moment of joy in every day, be the best mother I can possibly be, and hopefully... one day... emerge back into the light.December 2010
Hey Shannie;
ReplyDeleteYes, I did hear about it. Sadly, they commented about she not having a order against him.....News....It is awful.
We had a full weekend. Marissa rowed in a mixed middle school quad 4 which means in the skinny boat each rower has (2) oars as opposed to (1) oar in a regular boat. Marissa rowed right in the center seat - she is the most powerful rower in the boat. It was mixed with 2 boys and 2 girls and one coxswain. They WON by LEAPS and BOUNDS and at least 3 boat lengths. Bling baby bring on some Bling!!!! It was her last race of the season. She is an alternate for the Sprint League finals and the States but it is unlikely she will get to row.
Collin rowed in 3 events, They came in 1st for the 2nd Varsity 8 (8 rowers) - boat which is suppose to be the 2nd fastest but they have good karma and flow and are actually beating the 1st Varsity 8 on most race days. Then he rowed in the lightweight 4 which is suppose to be 4 guys and a coxswain all have to be under 155lbs - They won the heat and the event! SWEET! all of them were Seniors too! JAX CITY CHAMPS WHOOP WHOOP!!!! and finally he rowed in another 4 and they got 2nd. But it was a close 2nd against stiff competition which is really good! Then he went to Prom. Sara - his girlfriend came in from North Carolina and she looked very pretty but I am thinking he might not be the only one who is color blind. she said her dress was seafoam and it was definately teal - Jaguar Football team teal - It matched the car - Big Bertha the suburban. She chose his vest and tie and picked a very olivy green. I was making her corsage at the regatta in my spare time. First I stole someone's florabunda flowers and made a very pretty dark pink corsage and then my mom came by with little yellow tea roses so I tore apart the first one and made the second corsage. It was really beautiful - I think even, my big sis, Teresa Siegle would have approved. I dunno how Collin stayed awake. He and Sara stayed at her aunts all night because he was too tired to come home. He had a good time. He said she did too. Sara used to go to Episcopal and was glad to see all of her friends. She missed the prom at her school to come south for this one!
Lots o love and prayer
AOT
Spunky
omg - saw Soul surfer with Marissa and her youth group on sunday and bawled through the whole thing - Very good- great message - huge tear jerker - even the preview of fireproof too caused tears.
ReplyDeleteAOT
Missed you while you were gone...glad your back and focusing on the positive. So sorry to hear about Finn's cousin. How awful for the family.
ReplyDeleteGotta run and pack the kids. They are off to Tahoe with friends for Spring Break and they just unpacked from skiing and I have to get them packed again!
aot
r~