Okay, so I guess I left out some of the backstory. I think I mentioned that Rei had his crew over for the weekend. They had a blast (in more ways than one!) and I always love having them here. Reilly took advantage of the fact that he knows I'd rather eat a steaming bowl of shit soup than descend into that basement... and that's where the hijinks occurred. A couple of his friends brought over their bb guns, and Reilly had one that David bought for him. And just so ya know... it had always been kept from me. D-hole bought it after moving out and kept it as his place. After he died, there was a day that someone took Reilly over to get 'his things', and I'm guessing the bb gun was one of them.
They went back and forth between running around outside & hanging in the basement. Rory was at a friend's house for a sleepover, and I never left my room Saturday night because of the funk. You might find it hard to believe that I never heard a shot... but I didn't. Nuttin'. Nada.
ALL of the teenagers and I had numerous discussions about cleaning up after themselves down there. I know they're teens and they live like pigs. I just told them to make sure it was clean before they all went home on Sunday, and Reilly assured me that it was. I went down Monday morning to make the bed for my mom and discovered a complete pig sty. It was just gross. Reilly was scheduled for an away game that night, and I planned to tell him he'd be cleaning all night if necessary, after we got home from the game. Then the fun really began.... Finn went down to the man cave in the afternoon to get a Big Wheel he'd bought & hidden for Jayden down there. When he came up, he was white as a ghost. He asked me if I'd been in the man cave... uh, no. So I went to investigate and discovered hundreds upon hundreds of bb holes in the walls... and not just in the man cave... thoughout the basement. They also shot at the pool deck and the red truck, and put a nice hole in one of the guitars that David left to Reilly. I LOST IT. I immediately called school and had Reilly pulled from the bus. They were moments from leaving for the game. Then I called the other moms, as their kids were involved too, and then I went to the school to get him. They agreed to meet me there so we could discuss it together, and I was thrilled. I felt like I finally had a couple other moms on my side who Reilly happened to love and respect.
The second I got out of my car, this woman came at me... guns a' blazin'. I was completely blindsided. And the other mom... who is a dear friend... was so gobsmacked by the whole thing that she was completely paralyzed. She has yet to stop apologizing for not stepping in and putting a stop to the craziness. All of this happened in the light of day, in a busy parking lot at Woodgrove. People came and went, and NO ONE stopped to see what was happening. Even when I was literally screaming for her to get her hands off of me... I even screamed to Reilly to "help me", but he just walked away. Awesome.
There's more, but I have to go slop the hogs... I mean, make dinner for the kids. So yeah... this moron threatened to call the police on ME because HER kid was allowed to shoot up the inside of MY house. WTF??? Nutjob.
Later taters...
S
Trying to survive and thrive, through the most difficult time in my life.
Welcome!
So here's the Reader's Digest version for those of you who are new to my blog.... My 39 year old husband, David, was diagnosed with a hideous and deadly cancer in April of '08. We were told he'd likely die in less than 4 months. Obviously, that diagnosis turned us inside out and shook us to the core. At the time, our boys were 12 and 4... can you say 'fucking nightmare'??? I spent the next 14 months being his 24/7 caregiver and advocate... never leaving his side unless it was to get the boys to or from therapy or their cancer support groups. Cancer and the hell that it brings became our universe. And yet, I was able to get myself to a place where I was depending on my faith.... existing on a plane of pure gratitude. I focused my energies on recognizing the blessings that cancer had brought to our lives... yes, there ARE blessings that come with such a dire diagnosis.
Things were good. David miraculously entered remission in April of '09. I was looking forward to the next few months being our 'summer of healing' as a family. And then my world stopped. He left me... left US... on 6 June 2009. And FYI... he told me he was ending our 18 year marriage in a note. As if that wasn't bad enough, he had left me for a 'friend' who also happened to be married. Nice. The next few months are a blur... I descended into a deep, dark depression, and David's vicious treatment of me didn't help. He was running as fast as he could from everything associated with cancer, and that included me... our family, our home and the entire life we had built together. Things went from bad to worse when his cancer returned with a vengeance. He began treatment once again, and I had to dig deep to help him and make things as easy on him as possible. I even offered to have him move home so I could care for him through his treatment. As it turns out, it was a good thing he didn't take me up on that. The hateful way that he treated me during that time would have made caregiving for him an unbearable situation. I KNEW he was dying... nobody else did, because he fed them all kinds of bullshit... but I knew. Because of that, I focused on the boys and made sure they were with their daddy as much as possible.
His final months were a living nightmare... a kind of pain and darkness for which there are no words. No human being, no matter who they are or how they lived their lives, should have to suffer the horrific pain and endless indignities that David did. In spite of everything, I was with him constantly, much to the chagrin of his girlfriend and his mother. 'Too fuckin bad' was my theory. I wanted my boys to see that I NEVER turned my back on their dad. And I didn't. I continued to advocate for him in the hospital... fighting to get him the meds and the specialists he needed. I was there during his final moments of consciousness. I took Reilly to say goodbye to his dad, just before he slipped into that state. I was there when he died. I ID'd his body at the funeral home. I planned his funeral and his Celebration of Life. I placed his ashes in the wall of the Columbarium at the Naval Academy. We had spent half of our lives together, and though I was no longer in love with him, I did those things out of respect for the life that we shared and the family that we created.The 6 months since he died have brought more changes. I struggle daily to untangle the financial disaster he left me, and I'm fighting like hell to keep our home. The boys are now 15 and 7 and trying to learn how to move forward in their lives without their daddy. I had to get a part-time job after spending 15 years as a full-time mother, and I'm doing everything I can to trim the fat so we can afford to stay where we are. My boys NEED the stability and comfort that come with remaining in our home and community, and staying in their schools. To that end, I will fight with every fiber of my soul to ensure that those things happen.My greatest blessing is that I now have an incredible man in my life... a man who is thoughtful and loving, strong and sensitive, hilariously funny, and who loves me just the way I am. He is authentic. He knows who he is and is completely comfortable in his own skin. It certainly doesn't hurt that he's 11 years younger than I am and sexy as hell. :0)Yes, my boys are struggling in many ways... the therapy and support groups continue... and I still have MUCHO 'death business' to handle. That said, I am starting to believe that there might be a happy future ahead... for all of us.The past almost 3 years have been quite an emotional roller coaster, to say the least. Writing has been the most important part of my day, every day, since this journey began. I am once again being put in a position where I have to learn to survive... spiritually, emotionally, physically, financially... you get the picture. My hope is that I can hold on to my faith, find a moment of joy in every day, be the best mother I can possibly be, and hopefully... one day... emerge back into the light.December 2010
Reilly's gonna have to pay for this for some time now. You may have to put his bed in the upstairs hall so you can keep an eye on him. What a Shit Disturber. I cannot believe he did not stick up for you! Huge A-HOLE! I know how the sideline mom feels. As I had witnessed Cactus do the same thing. All the while the Troll wouldn't intervene. What a effing nightmare then. At least you were the one to call the meeting. At least you have a witness. Now you have to throw trust out the window. By the way, if her son was such an angel, why didn't he stop it? Why didn't the "friends" find you and tell you what was going on? Pad-lock the man cave and burn the BB gun. Little pricks! My anger is escalating...tiime to close.
ReplyDeleteHI Shan,
ReplyDeleteFinally figured out how to post! Sorry to hear about the all the shit with this mom. That sucks- people are always out to lay blame any where but their children. Rei knows you love him and put him first. He will rise above what this women said, may take time but he will. Wishing you all the best. Happy to read about Finn you all deserve him in your life and it is the best for the boys to see a happy healthy you! Wishing you all the best. BTW i think he is a cutie! xoxoxox.
Elise Legasa
Boys crack me up. I guess eventually their heads slide out of their asses. And you. Your words were a scalpel and you carved her up with surgical precision. Nice. L, T.
ReplyDelete