Fuckin balls.... how can it only be Tuesday??? I'm SOOOOOO tired!!! Miss Spunk.... absolutely get a restraining order against that psycho. Clearly he cannot be reasoned with if even his wife agreed that was the thing to do. Sheesh!!
Reilly has made quite a turnaround as far as his attitude and sassy mouth of late. Hmmmmm.... just curious... think he could be kissing my ass so I'll take him to get his driver's permit??? Nooooooo..... he wouldn't do that, right? Ha! The kid obviously thinks I'm completely stupid. He's nice for 3 days and then expects me to take him out of school early today to get his permit. Uh... no. Let's see how the rest of the week goes, bud. I've certainly enjoyed his ass-kissing though... he has been supremely helpful around the house, with the little kids, and hasn't called me any hideous names for a few days. Nice! Once he does get the permit, I'm thinking I'll still be able to use it to my advantage. Act like a dick = no driving practice for you!!! Those of you reading who've yet to have a teenager may think I'm being a selfish bitch, but trust me... once that teen craziness kicks in, you need to use all resources at your disposal to keep 'em in line!
I've got another BIG thing to hang over his head too.... the old, red farm truck! He wants that to be his truck. Fine with me... didn't cost me anything. The troll & cactus gave it to us when they moved to Florida a few years ago. It's a 1986 Ford F150, but it still only has about 60k miles on it. As you might imagine, it needs a lot of work. Enter, Finn! Rei & I talked a lot about it last night... I told him I knew Finn was willing to work on it with him & teach him how to do everything, but that he'd not going to just do it for him. I also made sure he knew that I would not be playing middle man, and he'd have to actually speak to Finn to get things moving. They ended up having a long text conversation about it last night while Finn was bored off his ass at work, and Rei is SO excited. I think he's finally gotten the memo that Roy isn't just a stupid redneck and is extremely knowlegeable when it comes to anything mechanical. He knows all of the places to go to look for replacement parts, either for free or very cheap... and the guy can fix ANYTHING!!! I'm really hoping that this project will be the thing that finally brings them together. Rei has been pushing him away so hard, but now he needs him! I think just being together and talking about cars and dude stuff, might just be the ticket!!! Fingers crossed!!!
Phases 1 and 2 of Operation Pool Recovery are complete. Rei and I spent about 5 days brushing the pool, scooping out the shit, and then letting it settle again. On Sunday night we hit it with the first chemical assault, and I'm happy to say that it is already looking significantly better. And that's without running the pump yet! I think we need to repeat the whole scrubbing/scooping/settling process for the rest of the week, and then hit it with the chemicals again. After a day or two, it'll be time to get the equipment up and running and see if we can really get it cleared out. I truly hope we can get it up, running and looking fab. We've had three shit summers in a row and I definitely think we are due a fun one!
It's official... I'm going to need Reilly to tutor me in algebra so I can take that damn entrance exam. Great! I need to get online today and look-up those study guides. It's a 3 hour exam, so you could say that I'm scared shitless. It doesn't matter that I went to an actual university for several years.... they won't even let me take an underwater basket weaving class without taking these damn placement tests. Ugh!!! And believe me peeps, I'm fuckin smart.... smarter than the average bear... I know this. But you have to trust me here... when it comes to math... OF ANY KIND... I am severely mentally challenged. My 7th grade math teacher, Mr. Miller, told me everyday how stupid I was and routinely threw erasers at me for asking what he considered to be stupid questions. He certainly planted a seed, and I have never been able to overcome it in the math arena. I'd rather be painted with honey and covered with fire ants, while simultaneously having my toenails ripped off one at a time, than take a mother fuckin' math test. Shit!!! NOT happy!!!
Okay... guess I'd better hop to it. Hope you have a fab day. :0)
xoxo
S
Trying to survive and thrive, through the most difficult time in my life.
Welcome!
So here's the Reader's Digest version for those of you who are new to my blog.... My 39 year old husband, David, was diagnosed with a hideous and deadly cancer in April of '08. We were told he'd likely die in less than 4 months. Obviously, that diagnosis turned us inside out and shook us to the core. At the time, our boys were 12 and 4... can you say 'fucking nightmare'??? I spent the next 14 months being his 24/7 caregiver and advocate... never leaving his side unless it was to get the boys to or from therapy or their cancer support groups. Cancer and the hell that it brings became our universe. And yet, I was able to get myself to a place where I was depending on my faith.... existing on a plane of pure gratitude. I focused my energies on recognizing the blessings that cancer had brought to our lives... yes, there ARE blessings that come with such a dire diagnosis.
Things were good. David miraculously entered remission in April of '09. I was looking forward to the next few months being our 'summer of healing' as a family. And then my world stopped. He left me... left US... on 6 June 2009. And FYI... he told me he was ending our 18 year marriage in a note. As if that wasn't bad enough, he had left me for a 'friend' who also happened to be married. Nice. The next few months are a blur... I descended into a deep, dark depression, and David's vicious treatment of me didn't help. He was running as fast as he could from everything associated with cancer, and that included me... our family, our home and the entire life we had built together. Things went from bad to worse when his cancer returned with a vengeance. He began treatment once again, and I had to dig deep to help him and make things as easy on him as possible. I even offered to have him move home so I could care for him through his treatment. As it turns out, it was a good thing he didn't take me up on that. The hateful way that he treated me during that time would have made caregiving for him an unbearable situation. I KNEW he was dying... nobody else did, because he fed them all kinds of bullshit... but I knew. Because of that, I focused on the boys and made sure they were with their daddy as much as possible.
His final months were a living nightmare... a kind of pain and darkness for which there are no words. No human being, no matter who they are or how they lived their lives, should have to suffer the horrific pain and endless indignities that David did. In spite of everything, I was with him constantly, much to the chagrin of his girlfriend and his mother. 'Too fuckin bad' was my theory. I wanted my boys to see that I NEVER turned my back on their dad. And I didn't. I continued to advocate for him in the hospital... fighting to get him the meds and the specialists he needed. I was there during his final moments of consciousness. I took Reilly to say goodbye to his dad, just before he slipped into that state. I was there when he died. I ID'd his body at the funeral home. I planned his funeral and his Celebration of Life. I placed his ashes in the wall of the Columbarium at the Naval Academy. We had spent half of our lives together, and though I was no longer in love with him, I did those things out of respect for the life that we shared and the family that we created.The 6 months since he died have brought more changes. I struggle daily to untangle the financial disaster he left me, and I'm fighting like hell to keep our home. The boys are now 15 and 7 and trying to learn how to move forward in their lives without their daddy. I had to get a part-time job after spending 15 years as a full-time mother, and I'm doing everything I can to trim the fat so we can afford to stay where we are. My boys NEED the stability and comfort that come with remaining in our home and community, and staying in their schools. To that end, I will fight with every fiber of my soul to ensure that those things happen.My greatest blessing is that I now have an incredible man in my life... a man who is thoughtful and loving, strong and sensitive, hilariously funny, and who loves me just the way I am. He is authentic. He knows who he is and is completely comfortable in his own skin. It certainly doesn't hurt that he's 11 years younger than I am and sexy as hell. :0)Yes, my boys are struggling in many ways... the therapy and support groups continue... and I still have MUCHO 'death business' to handle. That said, I am starting to believe that there might be a happy future ahead... for all of us.The past almost 3 years have been quite an emotional roller coaster, to say the least. Writing has been the most important part of my day, every day, since this journey began. I am once again being put in a position where I have to learn to survive... spiritually, emotionally, physically, financially... you get the picture. My hope is that I can hold on to my faith, find a moment of joy in every day, be the best mother I can possibly be, and hopefully... one day... emerge back into the light.December 2010
Isn't it great having something to hold over your kids head? Right now, Jenna's big thing is her cell phone so knows if she steps out of line, the cell phone is the first to go! That is totally awesome if Roy can work with Reilly on the truck. I bet it will be a peach after it's done. It will be really great for Reilly to work with him. You will have to show us progress photos :)
ReplyDeleteRemember what I said about me being a math 'tard...if I can do it, YOU can too!!
aot
r~
OMFG!! That is hysterical! Mr Miller threw more than one eraser at me as well!! I would not have gotten past pre-alegbra had it not been for Mr. Alteri. All that said, I still HATE math!!
ReplyDeleteIt is a wonder people like Mr. Miller were allowed to teach....