Welcome!

So here's the Reader's Digest version for those of you who are new to my blog.... My 39 year old husband, David, was diagnosed with a hideous and deadly cancer in
April of '08. We were told he'd likely die in less than 4 months. Obviously, that diagnosis turned us inside out and shook us to the core. At the time, our boys were 12 and 4... can you say 'fucking nightmare'??? I spent the next 14 months being his 24/7 caregiver and advocate... never leaving his side unless it was to get the boys to or from therapy or their cancer support groups. Cancer and the hell that it brings became our universe. And yet, I was able to get myself to a place where I was depending on my faith.... existing on a plane of pure gratitude. I focused my energies on recognizing the blessings that cancer had brought to our lives... yes, there ARE blessings that come with such a dire diagnosis.
Things were good. David miraculously entered remission in April of '09. I was looking forward to the next few months being our 'summer of healing' as a family. And then my world stopped. He left me... left US... on 6 June 2009. And FYI... he told me he was ending our 18 year marriage in a note. As if that wasn't bad enough, he had left me for a 'friend' who also happened to be married. Nice. The next few months are a blur... I descended into a deep, dark depression, and David's vicious treatment of me didn't help. He was running as fast as he could from everything associated with cancer, and that included me... our family, our home and the entire life we had built together. Things went from bad to worse when his cancer returned with a vengeance. He began treatment once again, and I had to dig deep to help him and make things as easy on him as possible. I even offered to have him move home so I could care for him through his treatment. As it turns out, it was a good thing he didn't take me up on that. The hateful way that he treated me during that time would have made caregiving for him an unbearable situation. I KNEW he was dying... nobody else did, because he fed them all kinds of bullshit... but I knew. Because of that, I focused on the boys and made sure they were with their daddy as much as possible.
His final months were a living nightmare... a kind of pain and darkness for which there are no words. No human being, no matter who they are or how they lived their lives, should have to suffer the horrific pain and endless indignities that David did. In spite of everything, I was with him constantly, much to the chagrin of his girlfriend and his mother. 'Too fuckin bad' was my theory. I wanted my boys to see that I NEVER turned my back on their dad. And I didn't. I continued to advocate for him in the hospital... fighting to get him the meds and the specialists he needed. I was there during his final moments of consciousness. I took Reilly to say goodbye to his dad, just before he slipped into that state. I was there when he died. I ID'd his body at the funeral home. I planned his funeral and his Celebration of Life. I placed his ashes in the wall of the Columbarium at the Naval Academy. We had spent half of our lives together, and though I was no longer in love with him, I did those things out of respect for the life that we shared and the family that we created.
The 6 months since he died have brought more changes. I struggle daily to untangle the financial disaster he left me, and I'm fighting like hell to keep our home. The boys are now 15 and 7 and trying to learn how to move forward in their lives without their daddy. I had to get a part-time job after spending 15 years as a full-time mother, and I'm doing everything I can to trim the fat so we can afford to stay where we are. My boys NEED the stability and comfort that come with remaining in our home and community, and staying in their schools. To that end, I will fight with every fiber of my soul to ensure that those things happen.
My greatest blessing is that I now have an incredible man in my life... a man who is thoughtful and loving, strong and sensitive, hilariously funny, and who loves me just the way I am. He is authentic. He knows who he is and is completely comfortable in his own skin. It certainly doesn't hurt that he's 11 years younger than I am and sexy as hell. :0)
Yes, my boys are struggling in many ways... the therapy and support groups continue... and I still have MUCHO 'death business' to handle. That said, I am starting to believe that there might be a happy future ahead... for all of us.
The past almost 3 years have been quite an emotional roller coaster, to say the least. Writing has been the most important part of my day, every day, since this journey began. I am once again being put in a position where I have to learn to survive... spiritually, emotionally, physically, financially... you get the picture. My hope is that I can hold on to my faith, find a moment of joy in every day, be the best mother I can possibly be, and hopefully... one day... emerge back into the light.
December 2010

21 March 2011

Blah.....

Hey there... Happy Monday. Feeling pretty blue, but gonna skip over that for now. Saturday was spent much like I thought it would be... outside all day running around with the kids. We took a walk up to the kennel, they rode bikes, played basketball & lacrosse, and spent hours digging in the giant pile of gravel that sits next to the barn. It was fun just watching them play and be silly. :0) Reilly had a great day too... their team mulch fundraiser was a huge success. Evidently, they are very common out here. It seems like most of the high schools do one in the spring. (Too bad for our arch rivals at Valley... they had 14 pallets of mulch left over!!! Boo hoo!)  All of the sales were done on-line through the school, so the boys just needed to be the muscle and deliver the mulch to those who had pre-ordered it. They lifted and hauled 3500 bags of mulch!!! Awesome workout!!! He spent the rest of the day hanging with his friend and teammate Patrick, and in the late afternoon they hooked up with some other friends... girls... duh. A couple of weeks ago, Patrick introduced Rei to this darling girl Lexi. Her mom is a teacher at Woodgrove and has really taken a shine to Rei. She even got him all pumped up about this technology conference, and now he's part of the Woodgrove team that will be participating. It's not like a science fair, where the students have to do a project and then present it at the event. Rather, they sign up for a specific discipline... Reilly & Patrick are teaming up on mechanical engineering... they show up at the conference, are given a problem, and have 2 days to troubleshoot and solve the problem. He is SO jacked up about it and I couldn't be more thrilled. 


This mom, Mrs. B., is one of those teachers who just gets teenagers & they love her for it. I went to pick up Rei & Patrick at her house on Saturday night, and we ended up spending about 90 minutes just chatting and getting to know each other. I LOVE her, and I LOVE that she is someone who Rei will be spending time with. She is a total no-shit gal... she gives the kids some room to roam, but she is totally on top of them & keeps them in line, while giving them a fun and safe place to be. I feel so blessed that Reilly is making such great choices as far as friends, and I made sure to heap on the praise about it. Patrick came home with us and spent the night. Again... that makes me SO happy. I think I've mentioned it before, but when David got sick, all of his guy friends just sort of faded away. So often, boys don't know how to 'talk' and they just didn't know what to say to him or how to treat him. But now that David is gone, they seem to treat him normally and he's surrounded himself with a really great group of guys. They are all athletes and they're all Honor Society students... hoping some of that will rub off on the kid. 


He has another game today, so last night he wanted to get some "game hair". Being that he is making such positive strides, I allowed him to give himself a faux hawk... it actually looks pretty cool. :0)
 Last night... pretty pleased with himself.
 This one makes me laugh AND wanna barf at the same time. Eew.
The 'do this morning. He gave me a cheesy face, that's why I cut it off!

I spent the entire day yesterday, alternately cleaning and then submitting resumes. You would not believe how long it takes to submit those fuckin' things. I have about 10 different resumes, but I still have to tweak one of 'em each time I want to submit it... gotta make it totally custom for each job. I have to tell you... this shit is getting OLD. Yes, I did get that one job, but I haven't gotten so much as a call on any of my applications since then. Ugh!!!

We're less than 2 weeks away from our Comfort Zone 10k. I hate to keep bringing it up, but if you have yet to donate and were thinking you might, now is the time!!! And again, PLEASE forward the info to your friends and family. Though Rory has already reached his goal... he's at $1004.00... you can certainly still donate. His link is: www.firstgiving.com/fundraiser/rory-streight/fordaddy

Reilly has reached $1200.00, and only needs $300 more to hit his goal of $1500.00. His link is:
www.firstgiving.com/fundraiser/reilly-streight

My goal is $2500.00 and I'm already up to $2300.00!!! Only $200.00 to go! Here's my link:
www.firstgiving.com/fundraiser/dastreightboyz

If we can each achieve our goals, as Team DAStreightBoyz, we will have raised $5000.00!!! That means we will be able to sponsor an ENTIRE Healing Circle at camp. Yahooooo!!!!!

Funny story about my fundraising efforts... last week I made one last push with an e-mail campaign to about 50 'important' people who I just assumed would have been the first to donate. It was a mass e-mail with a very nice letter and links to our pages, as well as, comfortzonecamp.org, so they could read about the program. There were a couple of people on the list who haven't been in contact with me since the funeral, but they are people who claim that they'll do anything for the boys, blah blah blah. So I included them. What the hell? When it comes to CZC, I have no shame. I'll use every resource at my fingertips to raise money for this amazing place. I got a note back from someone who simply said "take me off your list". I responded immediately with, "are you kidding me? Did you even read about Comfort Zone?" She replied with, "I will not allow you to blackmail me with David's memory." OH. MY. GOD. I won't share what I wrote back to this heinous bitch, but just know that it was HARSH. If you had ANY idea how horrendously this woman, and her entire family, behaved toward me at David's funeral, it would make you sick. (FYI... NO, it's not the skank.) And not just then.... when we were still together and I was writing on CB, she routinely posted nasty things to me in the guest book and sent me hateful e-mails as well. Seriously.... some people positively BAFFLE me with their disgusting, thoughtless and hateful behavior. No worries though... she didn't have the balls to reply to my e-mail... pretty sure I cut her to the quick with that one. Cover your eyes mom.... that woman is the reason the word cunt was invented. Guaranteed. 

Still haven't had a chance to share my story about Rory's jack-ass principal, but it'll have to wait. Time to resume the job search... there are usually a lot of new listings on Monday mornings. Hoping the day turns around and I can keep the funk at bay. Have a good one. Go Wolverines!!!

xoxo
S
***Donate blood.***
***Articulate your most fundamental beliefs.***
***Strive for progress, not perfection.***
***Be with people you like and who make you happy.***
-Instant Karma
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2 comments:

  1. Collin's Mom CarolineMonday, March 21, 2011 10:13:00 AM

    Happy Monday

    We had a great Regatta Saturday at the Canal in the middle of NOWHERE! Collin's boat got first place, Marissa's had issues since they had to hot seat the stern 4 and race to the start line to do the race so they were 3rd.

    They were racing for "Henley's" which means that the winner gets the shirts from everyone else instead of medals.

    Sorry that person was such a $#)*. Honestly, your life is probably brighter without her and I think you can just let her go with love. Some people come into your life and you think you are going to be friends forever and then they suddenly vanish and others stay forever. I am sorry she hurt you. You did not deserve that at all.

    Marissa will be Miss Fatio next week. Finishing her antebellum dress. It is a lot of work. The main parts are all done and now I am at the handstitching and hemming parts. The dress is beautiful and very HEAVY. How did those women stand to wear all those layers in the southern heat, I have no idea!

    sending you much love, prayer always - wish I could send you money but still things are tight here. AOT always
    Spunky
    AOT
    Spunky

    ReplyDelete
  2. RobinMonday, March 21, 2011 10:18:00 AM

    Wow...why do people have to be so mean? If you don't care to donate, just shut your yapper and no response is neccessary. Delete is an easy button to use!

    Reilly looks so cute with the faux hawk!

    aot
    r~

    ReplyDelete

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