It's the FIRST DAY of lacrosse practice & I'm ready to beat someone's ass. We had some weather pass through this afternoon, so they re-scheduled practice. JV is usually on the field from 4-6:30. Get THIS.... Tonight's practice? 7-10p.m.!!! UNFUCKINGBELIEVABLE!!! On what planet does that seem like an appropriate solution? Gimme a fuckin break. Not only is this the first day, it's HIGH SCHOOL..... NOT the god damned OLYMPICS!!! I have a feeling I'm about to become very unpopular with the coaching staff. If they think I'm going to be held hostage by this bullshit, they've got another thing comin'. I spoke to one of the team moms this morning, and she said these coaches NEVER end practice on time... they always go over by at least a half hour. Are you shitting me??? I cannot possibly be the only parent who has a problem with this.
I just spoke to Reilly on the phone. Luckily, his friend Patrick lives close to school and he offered to have him over this afternoon. Then his mom will take them back over for practice. We had a wee discussion about my thoughts on the whole schedule situation. Big surprise, since the entire universe revolves around him, he doesn't see the problem. I've definitely got him shakin' in his boots though... I told him I have NO problem walking on the field and telling coach the kid is done for the night. If he doesn't like it, HE can fuckin drive the kid home. I REFUSE to sit there like a lemming, just waiting for the lacrosse gods to decide they're finished. Uh, no. Reilly's tweaked because he KNOWS I'll fuckin do it. If there's no skull-cracking to be done tonight, I'm pretty sure I'll make a few enemies on Wednesday at the MANDATORY parent's meeting. I don't know who the fuck these people think they are, but we're just getting started and they're already on my last frayed little nerve.
Obviously, I don't want to cause a problem for Reilly, but this is complete madness. I'm sorry.... I was under the impression that the first priority in high school is supposed to be education. Isn't that why they call sports extra-curricular activities??? I can already feel a very heated discussion a' brewin'. I'm not stupid... I get it. This coach turned his last team into state champions. Now he's starting up a whole new program and feels like he should go balls to the wall to get it up and running. Fine. I don't give a fat fuck. I can't have my entire family life held hostage by this shit.
I saw a quote somewhere today that really resonated with me, mostly with respect to David's parental units, but it applies in other areas too. It's not like I go through life trying to make people mad at me. Quite the opposite... I'd like everyone to be happy scrappy... no drama... you know what I mean. Anyhoo... the quote was: "If, throughout the journey of your life, you have made some enemies, don't worry. It just means that you stood up for something you believed in." That is SO TRUE for me... right on the money.
Took Gee to the airport this afternoon. As always, she was busy up until the last minute... even having lunch with Rory at school. :0)
Finn's making dinner at the moment. I think I'll take my shower NOW, since I'll be out running around in the middle of the night!!!
Gots to go... hope you had a good day.
xoxo
S
***I don't know if I mentioned that Reilly has his own fundraising page up and running now. If you can donate, please visit www.firstgiving.com/fundraiser/reilly-streight
***Extra HUMONGOID thanks to Miss Theresa.... she donated to BOTH pages!!!! Thanks girlie!!! AOT!!!
Trying to survive and thrive, through the most difficult time in my life.
Welcome!
So here's the Reader's Digest version for those of you who are new to my blog.... My 39 year old husband, David, was diagnosed with a hideous and deadly cancer in April of '08. We were told he'd likely die in less than 4 months. Obviously, that diagnosis turned us inside out and shook us to the core. At the time, our boys were 12 and 4... can you say 'fucking nightmare'??? I spent the next 14 months being his 24/7 caregiver and advocate... never leaving his side unless it was to get the boys to or from therapy or their cancer support groups. Cancer and the hell that it brings became our universe. And yet, I was able to get myself to a place where I was depending on my faith.... existing on a plane of pure gratitude. I focused my energies on recognizing the blessings that cancer had brought to our lives... yes, there ARE blessings that come with such a dire diagnosis.
Things were good. David miraculously entered remission in April of '09. I was looking forward to the next few months being our 'summer of healing' as a family. And then my world stopped. He left me... left US... on 6 June 2009. And FYI... he told me he was ending our 18 year marriage in a note. As if that wasn't bad enough, he had left me for a 'friend' who also happened to be married. Nice. The next few months are a blur... I descended into a deep, dark depression, and David's vicious treatment of me didn't help. He was running as fast as he could from everything associated with cancer, and that included me... our family, our home and the entire life we had built together. Things went from bad to worse when his cancer returned with a vengeance. He began treatment once again, and I had to dig deep to help him and make things as easy on him as possible. I even offered to have him move home so I could care for him through his treatment. As it turns out, it was a good thing he didn't take me up on that. The hateful way that he treated me during that time would have made caregiving for him an unbearable situation. I KNEW he was dying... nobody else did, because he fed them all kinds of bullshit... but I knew. Because of that, I focused on the boys and made sure they were with their daddy as much as possible.
His final months were a living nightmare... a kind of pain and darkness for which there are no words. No human being, no matter who they are or how they lived their lives, should have to suffer the horrific pain and endless indignities that David did. In spite of everything, I was with him constantly, much to the chagrin of his girlfriend and his mother. 'Too fuckin bad' was my theory. I wanted my boys to see that I NEVER turned my back on their dad. And I didn't. I continued to advocate for him in the hospital... fighting to get him the meds and the specialists he needed. I was there during his final moments of consciousness. I took Reilly to say goodbye to his dad, just before he slipped into that state. I was there when he died. I ID'd his body at the funeral home. I planned his funeral and his Celebration of Life. I placed his ashes in the wall of the Columbarium at the Naval Academy. We had spent half of our lives together, and though I was no longer in love with him, I did those things out of respect for the life that we shared and the family that we created.The 6 months since he died have brought more changes. I struggle daily to untangle the financial disaster he left me, and I'm fighting like hell to keep our home. The boys are now 15 and 7 and trying to learn how to move forward in their lives without their daddy. I had to get a part-time job after spending 15 years as a full-time mother, and I'm doing everything I can to trim the fat so we can afford to stay where we are. My boys NEED the stability and comfort that come with remaining in our home and community, and staying in their schools. To that end, I will fight with every fiber of my soul to ensure that those things happen.My greatest blessing is that I now have an incredible man in my life... a man who is thoughtful and loving, strong and sensitive, hilariously funny, and who loves me just the way I am. He is authentic. He knows who he is and is completely comfortable in his own skin. It certainly doesn't hurt that he's 11 years younger than I am and sexy as hell. :0)Yes, my boys are struggling in many ways... the therapy and support groups continue... and I still have MUCHO 'death business' to handle. That said, I am starting to believe that there might be a happy future ahead... for all of us.The past almost 3 years have been quite an emotional roller coaster, to say the least. Writing has been the most important part of my day, every day, since this journey began. I am once again being put in a position where I have to learn to survive... spiritually, emotionally, physically, financially... you get the picture. My hope is that I can hold on to my faith, find a moment of joy in every day, be the best mother I can possibly be, and hopefully... one day... emerge back into the light.December 2010
One word...Ridonculous. I am sure I spelled it wrong but since it's not really a real word, I won't lose sleep over it. Practice till 10pm at night...on a school night? I know when my kids get home from evening practices, they are all wound up and have a hard time settling down to go to bed. Richard Brett has basketball practice from 7:30 to 8:30. I think thats kinda late since he's only a 4th grader. When he gets home, he takes a shower and at 9pm his mouth is still going a mile a minute. Makes Fridays mornings sorta suck some days :(
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r~
Hey you....sorry aol....Crazy busy and not a lot of creative writing juices oozing in my brain. Just marbles rattling around. Love the jewelry pics. I knew you would figure out what to do with all that shiz. I just had a hunch on the pink and purple.
ReplyDeleteLove you all like CRAZY! xoxox
PS: you do what you gotta do in these situations. YOU are the parent, not Reilly and not the coaches. What an ASS to do that to the kids, AND the parents.
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