Hey noodles. So here's the deal... I'm trying to generate some passive income by monetizing my site. There are all kinds of ways to hook ads into the site, but it's going to take me a while to figure out how to place the ads that I WANT to place, rather than the ones that the computer generates. So PLEASE don't be shocked or horrified by the ads that show up... I just noticed that the first one that was generated for me was for Susan Boyle's album.... eeeeew! I would SO never suggest you buy THAT!!! Clearly,I'm a little slow when it comes to this shiz, so be patient with me. :0) I'm not even entirely sure how it works.... I DO know though, that I'm hooked up to Amazon.com. That means that if you're going to shop for something on Amazon, come to my site first and click on the Amazon link... then I'll get a kick-back if you buy something. Sweet! I certainly won't be getting rich, but every little bit helps. AND, if I can REALLY figure out how to place the correct ads, it WILL actually generate some income. Cross your fingers that I can make it happen!
FYI.... I'm writing this post on my iPad.... Yeah baby!!!! Me LUVVVVVES it!!!
Later gators...
S
Trying to survive and thrive, through the most difficult time in my life.
Welcome!
So here's the Reader's Digest version for those of you who are new to my blog.... My 39 year old husband, David, was diagnosed with a hideous and deadly cancer in April of '08. We were told he'd likely die in less than 4 months. Obviously, that diagnosis turned us inside out and shook us to the core. At the time, our boys were 12 and 4... can you say 'fucking nightmare'??? I spent the next 14 months being his 24/7 caregiver and advocate... never leaving his side unless it was to get the boys to or from therapy or their cancer support groups. Cancer and the hell that it brings became our universe. And yet, I was able to get myself to a place where I was depending on my faith.... existing on a plane of pure gratitude. I focused my energies on recognizing the blessings that cancer had brought to our lives... yes, there ARE blessings that come with such a dire diagnosis.
Things were good. David miraculously entered remission in April of '09. I was looking forward to the next few months being our 'summer of healing' as a family. And then my world stopped. He left me... left US... on 6 June 2009. And FYI... he told me he was ending our 18 year marriage in a note. As if that wasn't bad enough, he had left me for a 'friend' who also happened to be married. Nice. The next few months are a blur... I descended into a deep, dark depression, and David's vicious treatment of me didn't help. He was running as fast as he could from everything associated with cancer, and that included me... our family, our home and the entire life we had built together. Things went from bad to worse when his cancer returned with a vengeance. He began treatment once again, and I had to dig deep to help him and make things as easy on him as possible. I even offered to have him move home so I could care for him through his treatment. As it turns out, it was a good thing he didn't take me up on that. The hateful way that he treated me during that time would have made caregiving for him an unbearable situation. I KNEW he was dying... nobody else did, because he fed them all kinds of bullshit... but I knew. Because of that, I focused on the boys and made sure they were with their daddy as much as possible.
His final months were a living nightmare... a kind of pain and darkness for which there are no words. No human being, no matter who they are or how they lived their lives, should have to suffer the horrific pain and endless indignities that David did. In spite of everything, I was with him constantly, much to the chagrin of his girlfriend and his mother. 'Too fuckin bad' was my theory. I wanted my boys to see that I NEVER turned my back on their dad. And I didn't. I continued to advocate for him in the hospital... fighting to get him the meds and the specialists he needed. I was there during his final moments of consciousness. I took Reilly to say goodbye to his dad, just before he slipped into that state. I was there when he died. I ID'd his body at the funeral home. I planned his funeral and his Celebration of Life. I placed his ashes in the wall of the Columbarium at the Naval Academy. We had spent half of our lives together, and though I was no longer in love with him, I did those things out of respect for the life that we shared and the family that we created.The 6 months since he died have brought more changes. I struggle daily to untangle the financial disaster he left me, and I'm fighting like hell to keep our home. The boys are now 15 and 7 and trying to learn how to move forward in their lives without their daddy. I had to get a part-time job after spending 15 years as a full-time mother, and I'm doing everything I can to trim the fat so we can afford to stay where we are. My boys NEED the stability and comfort that come with remaining in our home and community, and staying in their schools. To that end, I will fight with every fiber of my soul to ensure that those things happen.My greatest blessing is that I now have an incredible man in my life... a man who is thoughtful and loving, strong and sensitive, hilariously funny, and who loves me just the way I am. He is authentic. He knows who he is and is completely comfortable in his own skin. It certainly doesn't hurt that he's 11 years younger than I am and sexy as hell. :0)Yes, my boys are struggling in many ways... the therapy and support groups continue... and I still have MUCHO 'death business' to handle. That said, I am starting to believe that there might be a happy future ahead... for all of us.The past almost 3 years have been quite an emotional roller coaster, to say the least. Writing has been the most important part of my day, every day, since this journey began. I am once again being put in a position where I have to learn to survive... spiritually, emotionally, physically, financially... you get the picture. My hope is that I can hold on to my faith, find a moment of joy in every day, be the best mother I can possibly be, and hopefully... one day... emerge back into the light.December 2010
I wish this site would send a notification when you post a new entry! I have been spoiled by Caringbridge. I had the site bookmarked on my home computer not not my iPad or phone so I wasn't able to check while I was gone last week.
ReplyDeleteThat's pretty cool if you could make a buck or two through Amazon...I shop there frequently so I will try to remember to link through your site
We just got back from Richards moms house. We have been gone just over a week. We came back to a beautiful new Travertine kitchen floor...along with a nice layer of dust all over! Took me most of the afternoon to clean up and I am wiped. All bags are unpacked and laundry is started. Gifts are also unpacked and put away...that never happens around here. I told everyone after this remodel is done, I am done with the clutter. I have been relentless with everyone. Hopefully it will become habit soon. The only things left to do in the kitchen now is putting in the backsplash, installing the cooktop (the first one cracked during installation so I am hoping the replacement comes this week since I use it the most) and installing the microwave. There are some minor issues with the granite seams but that will get handled and it doesn't prevent me from using the kitchen. Now...to unpack all the boxes and load up the kitchen. I am going to try to do a few boxes a day so it is not overwhelming. Hopefully Richard will get the new ceiling fan/light hung over the kitchen table. The floors get sealed Monday morning then the table can go back in :)
Enough of me...look forward to your next post!
aot
r~
Okay, so I'm so excited with my cleverness! I had already subscribed to this new blog site of yours, but I hadn't been receiving any notifications when you'd post. Pretty much I'd just check in now and again to see if you'd posted something. Now I tried fiddling with things again and was able to set it up so that my Yahoo page will show me your most recent posts! Yay me! Robin (or anyone else who's interested!), if you're interested in trying it out, look down at the very bottom of this page. Underneath "Subscribe to Shan's Entries" click on 'Posts'. It will give you the option of which social sites (Yahoo, Google, etc) you want to use. My computer then opened another window tab with my My Yahoo homepage (cuz that's what I selected) and showed me where the posts would now be located. Again I say, Yay me!!! ;-)
ReplyDeleteOkay, I just did the same thing with the comments on your posts! Now I have two sections on my Yahoo page that will keep me up to date with your new blog! Yay me!
ReplyDeleteHappy New Year, Shan! I have to figure out how to get your blog to notify me of posts. :-) Or what this will look like when I post with "google profile" :-)
ReplyDeleteI have to order some things from Amazon, so will do so from your site. Good luck tomorrow with your 1st day with patients in the office. You will kick ass :-)