I am happy to tell you that the meeting with my financial planner today was very productive. This guy is an ANGEL. Seriously... he is doing SO much work for me, and all for free. He also recruited one of his close friends and colleagues today... that guy is a CPA and is going to take over handling the tax nightmare that I've been dealing with. Scratch that... the tax nightmare I've been PAYING attorneys to deal with. And yes... Ed got his friend to offer his services pro bono too. Holy shit... I'll take it. :0) The best news is that he literally filled out all of the loan mod documents with me sitting there, and then submitted the packet to Wells Fargo. That is a GIANT thing off my to-do list. Obviously, I have no way of knowing what, if anything, will come of it... but at least the part that's been hanging over my head since I started this process LAST MARCH... is finished. Now we wait... and pray.
I'm going back to see him in two weeks so we can do some planning. Yeah... NOT looking forward to that. He had a whole power point spread sheet up on the wall with all of my income and expenses plugged in, and he's starting out by planning until I'm 65. Again, I'd be in much better shape if I didn't have this enormous mortgage payment hanging like a noose around my neck. But if there's ANY WAY IN HELL to make it happen, I'd like to stay there until Rory finishes 5th grade. This lil guy needs to stay in that tiny country school. And yes, if something else more manageable becomes available in our attendance area in that time, then I'll certainly consider moving.
Speaking of my lil guy... he's having a really rough week. His teacher has been e-mailing me that he has been kind of out of it... sort of spacey and not really able to focus. Totally normal for the timeline, but I HATE that he is suffering so. On that note, I'm seriously considering staying in a hotel near the camp this weekend. It's almost 3 hours from our house, and I'm really feeling like I should be close by if he just can't make it. True, money that I shouldn't spend... but I don't think I have a choice. It actually makes more sense for me to stay there anyway... We get to meet the kid's 'big buddies' between 5 and 6 tomorrow evening, and then there is a parent's dinner and support group meeting after that. Then on Sunday, the closing ceremonies start at 12:45. They do a big healing circle and each child is given the opportunity to pay tribute to their parent. That's a lot of damn driving for not much time at home. So I'll be looking into hotels when we get home from Rory's grief group tonight. The shitty part for me? I don't want to be away from my Finn! I know... boo fuckin' hoo.
Gota scram & pick up the little man. More later.
xoxo
S
Trying to survive and thrive, through the most difficult time in my life.
03 February 2011
No shit...
Yo doodles.... I may be an idiot, but I'm not a COMPLETE moron. I don't think for ONE second that the teen drama is over with Reilly. Puhhhhleeeez. He's only a freshman for the love of Christ... I am FULLY aware that I have a loooong road ahead. And hellllooooo.... Rory is 7, Leilei is 6, and Jayden is 2... there is PLENTY o' kid/hormone/smart-mouth/beastly behavior ahead. I was simply reveling in my one wee victory with Rei. Yeah... still thinking it fuckin ROCKED.
Auntie Nut.... did I read your post correctly? Did your vet expect you to pay that bill in full BEFORE doing the procedure???? That is BULLSHIT!!! What a king sized DOUCHE!!! You're supposed to just let that poor baby suffer until he gets his cash??? I wanna punch that fucker square in the face. Methinks it might be time to change vets. Shit... if Tom expected me to pay in full before taking care of my babies, I'd be really screwed. I'm paid up now, but for years, we had an ongoing account. With 12 animals, there was no way we could keep up.
As for Uncle Monster, I'm so sorry that the job situation continues to be such a nightmare for him. First of all, the way they eliminated his position after the INCREDIBLE job he did, was just a ginormous fuck-over. And I just don't get why there aren't a thousand agencies clamoring for his services. He has so much experience, is so smart and has such integrity... it boggles the mind. Maybe this lil tidbit will put a smile on his face, at least for a minute. A few days ago... completely out of the blue... Rory said, "When is Monster John coming back? I miss him and I wanna play monster!!!" It was precious. Any chance I've mentioned how much I HATE the 3000 miles between us??? Grrrrr.....
So last night, Finn & I said fuck it, and took ourselves out for dinner. Sometimes you have to get out, just to preserve your mental health. We went to Clyde's... a yummy restaurant witha great atmosphere. It's BEYOND cold these days, and that thends to keep people home, so it was pretty dead. The place is ENORMOUS, but we ended up sitting right next to another couple. The way the tables are situated, it's very easy to hear other people's conversations. Oh. My. God. Talk about entertaining. These two were clearly on a first date, and it was a NIGHTMARE!!!! Well, it was for the woman anyway. This guy was such a blowhard... so full of himself... it was absolutely painful to witness. At the same time, it was SO fucking funny that we couldn't contain ourselves. I always have fun with Finn and he never fails to make me laugh.... but I can't remember the last time we laughed so hard. Funny how their hideous date turned into our incredibly fun evening. :0)
I was thinking as I sat there, how much I DON'T miss those 'suit guys'. I'll take my blue collar redneck over a pompous ass like that ANY day. It's interesting... when I started dating, I thought I knew what kind of man I wanted to be with... who I should be with. But you know what? When I stopped looking for that guy and just took a chance.... that's when I met my Finn. I think there's a good lesson there... for ALL of us. We need to stop focusing on what we think our lives should look like. If you had told me a year ago that I'd be living with a redneck farm boy and that we'd be raising our children together, I would have told you to get your head examined... immediately. And while I continue to struggle with the fallout from David's death, personally, I've never been happier. I had no idea what it felt like to be absolutely adored... cherished. I had no idea that I could be in a relationship that is so full of laughter... so full of mutual love and respect. I thought I knew what I wanted... what I needed. I had NO clue. Finn is everything I never knew I was looking for.
That's a lesson I've been trying to pass along to Reilly, as he fights against our new family situation. I keep reminding him that no, our life doesn't look the way we thought it would.... but he needs to at least be open to it, because if he let's it happen, it could be better than anything he had ever imagined.
New subject... I'm still REALLY thinking I want to go to nursing school. I keep looking at the class catalogs, the entrance exams... and I KNOW it's what I want to do. I just don't know how to make it happen. Short of winning the lottery, I can't see how to work it out. Hmmmm.... definitely something to keep pondering.
Since I continue to be an unemployed ASS, I volunteered to work at the Woodgrove blood drive on Valentine's Day. I think you know how passionate I am about blood donation, and I thought it would be cool to participate at Reilly's school. On that note, PLEASE give blood. It's easy, fast and painless. Your ONE pint of blood can save THREE lives. And if you want to donate platelets? Even better. David's life was spared, more times than I can count, because of donor blood and platelets. There were SO many times that he took a turn and we thought that was it... but the donor blood products gave him a LOT of extra time. So DO it! You'll be surprised how great it will make you feel. :0) INOVA is really cool too... they send you a postcard as soon as they give your blood to a patient. It makes my day.... every single time.
Time to head to the meeting with the financial guy. I'm guessing I'll be in tears before too long. Shit. Hope you have a happy day.
Much love...
S
***Thank a friend who believes in you.***
***Take the opportunity to do small things well.***
***Love yourself for who you are.***
-Instant Karma
Auntie Nut.... did I read your post correctly? Did your vet expect you to pay that bill in full BEFORE doing the procedure???? That is BULLSHIT!!! What a king sized DOUCHE!!! You're supposed to just let that poor baby suffer until he gets his cash??? I wanna punch that fucker square in the face. Methinks it might be time to change vets. Shit... if Tom expected me to pay in full before taking care of my babies, I'd be really screwed. I'm paid up now, but for years, we had an ongoing account. With 12 animals, there was no way we could keep up.
As for Uncle Monster, I'm so sorry that the job situation continues to be such a nightmare for him. First of all, the way they eliminated his position after the INCREDIBLE job he did, was just a ginormous fuck-over. And I just don't get why there aren't a thousand agencies clamoring for his services. He has so much experience, is so smart and has such integrity... it boggles the mind. Maybe this lil tidbit will put a smile on his face, at least for a minute. A few days ago... completely out of the blue... Rory said, "When is Monster John coming back? I miss him and I wanna play monster!!!" It was precious. Any chance I've mentioned how much I HATE the 3000 miles between us??? Grrrrr.....
So last night, Finn & I said fuck it, and took ourselves out for dinner. Sometimes you have to get out, just to preserve your mental health. We went to Clyde's... a yummy restaurant witha great atmosphere. It's BEYOND cold these days, and that thends to keep people home, so it was pretty dead. The place is ENORMOUS, but we ended up sitting right next to another couple. The way the tables are situated, it's very easy to hear other people's conversations. Oh. My. God. Talk about entertaining. These two were clearly on a first date, and it was a NIGHTMARE!!!! Well, it was for the woman anyway. This guy was such a blowhard... so full of himself... it was absolutely painful to witness. At the same time, it was SO fucking funny that we couldn't contain ourselves. I always have fun with Finn and he never fails to make me laugh.... but I can't remember the last time we laughed so hard. Funny how their hideous date turned into our incredibly fun evening. :0)
I was thinking as I sat there, how much I DON'T miss those 'suit guys'. I'll take my blue collar redneck over a pompous ass like that ANY day. It's interesting... when I started dating, I thought I knew what kind of man I wanted to be with... who I should be with. But you know what? When I stopped looking for that guy and just took a chance.... that's when I met my Finn. I think there's a good lesson there... for ALL of us. We need to stop focusing on what we think our lives should look like. If you had told me a year ago that I'd be living with a redneck farm boy and that we'd be raising our children together, I would have told you to get your head examined... immediately. And while I continue to struggle with the fallout from David's death, personally, I've never been happier. I had no idea what it felt like to be absolutely adored... cherished. I had no idea that I could be in a relationship that is so full of laughter... so full of mutual love and respect. I thought I knew what I wanted... what I needed. I had NO clue. Finn is everything I never knew I was looking for.
That's a lesson I've been trying to pass along to Reilly, as he fights against our new family situation. I keep reminding him that no, our life doesn't look the way we thought it would.... but he needs to at least be open to it, because if he let's it happen, it could be better than anything he had ever imagined.
New subject... I'm still REALLY thinking I want to go to nursing school. I keep looking at the class catalogs, the entrance exams... and I KNOW it's what I want to do. I just don't know how to make it happen. Short of winning the lottery, I can't see how to work it out. Hmmmm.... definitely something to keep pondering.
Since I continue to be an unemployed ASS, I volunteered to work at the Woodgrove blood drive on Valentine's Day. I think you know how passionate I am about blood donation, and I thought it would be cool to participate at Reilly's school. On that note, PLEASE give blood. It's easy, fast and painless. Your ONE pint of blood can save THREE lives. And if you want to donate platelets? Even better. David's life was spared, more times than I can count, because of donor blood and platelets. There were SO many times that he took a turn and we thought that was it... but the donor blood products gave him a LOT of extra time. So DO it! You'll be surprised how great it will make you feel. :0) INOVA is really cool too... they send you a postcard as soon as they give your blood to a patient. It makes my day.... every single time.
Time to head to the meeting with the financial guy. I'm guessing I'll be in tears before too long. Shit. Hope you have a happy day.
This is what I woke up to this morning... the boys slept together last night. :0)
Much love...
S
***Thank a friend who believes in you.***
***Take the opportunity to do small things well.***
***Love yourself for who you are.***
-Instant Karma
02 February 2011
Mesut... I'm on my way!!!
Mesut is my hair stylist. I have an appointment at 10 and I couldn't be more thrilled. My hair looks HEINOUS. I want to send out big love and thanks to my mamasan... she still can't seem to post here... grrrrrr.... but she continues to call and leave me lovely messages of encouragement, and continually reminds me that she's got my back. I don't know what I'd do without you, mom... I certainly realize that I am INCREDIBLY blessed to have you in my corner. I've told you many times how much I HATE that I STILL need your help. Fucking hell.... I'm 41... having to rely on you so much makes me feel like shit. You always tell me not to feel that way, and that you want to help in any way that you can, but I just wish I could stand on my own and not need you so much. Please be assured that I am doing EVERYTHING in my power to find a job, manage my finances, and get up on my own two feet. Thank you for ALWAYS being there for the boys and me... thank you for accepting my new family with Finn with open arms... just, THANK YOU. I'll never be able to fully express how grateful I am for everything you have done, and continue to do for us. I love you, love you, love you... MUCHLY!
Got to thinking about the whole money situation last night. I think I may have come across something I could cut out. I didn't realize how expensive my growing heroin addiction has become, and I think maybe the industrial grade margarita machine I had installed next to my bed might have been a bad idea. Hmmmm.... thoughts? ;-) I've said it before, and I'll say it again.... it's a DAMN good thing my gut and my meds won't allow me to drink alcohol. I GUARANTEE I'd be a falling down drunk by now. This would all be SO much easier to deal with if I was just fuckin loaded all the time.
So... some potentially good news on the job front for Finn. He had a great talk with Tim last night, and is supposed to hear from the service manager in the next day or two. Financially, it would pretty much be a lateral move right now, but there is HUGE growth potential there. They'll even help him earn all of his certifications, which will really increase his earning potential. It would also be wonderful for him to have a job that he enjoys going to every day. He DETESTS the job he has now... he works with a bunch of lazy fuckwads who spend all of their time figuring out how to AVOID doing any work. It makes him CRAZY!!!! He WANTS to work... he doesn't care if he's shoveling shit... just let him WORK for fuck's sake!!!
The guy didn't buy the jeep last night... grrrrr. He says he's still interested, but until we see cash, we're not counting on it. He got an offer this morning from someone who wants to trade him a Ford Expedition for the jeep. Hmmmm.... we'll have to look into it. We DEFINITELY need the cash, but it would be SPECTACULAR to have a car that we could all fit in together.
Guess I'd better hit it... time to get my hairs did. Have a good one. :0)
xoxo
S
***Forget what others think of you.***
***Dare to live the live you've dreamed for yourself.***
***Put difficulty in perspective and ask what choices you have.***
***Receive life's gifts.***
-Instant Karma
Got to thinking about the whole money situation last night. I think I may have come across something I could cut out. I didn't realize how expensive my growing heroin addiction has become, and I think maybe the industrial grade margarita machine I had installed next to my bed might have been a bad idea. Hmmmm.... thoughts? ;-) I've said it before, and I'll say it again.... it's a DAMN good thing my gut and my meds won't allow me to drink alcohol. I GUARANTEE I'd be a falling down drunk by now. This would all be SO much easier to deal with if I was just fuckin loaded all the time.
So... some potentially good news on the job front for Finn. He had a great talk with Tim last night, and is supposed to hear from the service manager in the next day or two. Financially, it would pretty much be a lateral move right now, but there is HUGE growth potential there. They'll even help him earn all of his certifications, which will really increase his earning potential. It would also be wonderful for him to have a job that he enjoys going to every day. He DETESTS the job he has now... he works with a bunch of lazy fuckwads who spend all of their time figuring out how to AVOID doing any work. It makes him CRAZY!!!! He WANTS to work... he doesn't care if he's shoveling shit... just let him WORK for fuck's sake!!!
The guy didn't buy the jeep last night... grrrrr. He says he's still interested, but until we see cash, we're not counting on it. He got an offer this morning from someone who wants to trade him a Ford Expedition for the jeep. Hmmmm.... we'll have to look into it. We DEFINITELY need the cash, but it would be SPECTACULAR to have a car that we could all fit in together.
Guess I'd better hit it... time to get my hairs did. Have a good one. :0)
xoxo
S
***Forget what others think of you.***
***Dare to live the live you've dreamed for yourself.***
***Put difficulty in perspective and ask what choices you have.***
***Receive life's gifts.***
-Instant Karma
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